D. texted and asked me out for lunch on Sunday. I said yes.
We met at Ipanema Restaurant, a Brazilian restaurant located on 46th Street. I have been there before and I like the food and drinks. He said I could order for him. I was okay with that, since I was in my element. I choose for appetizers cheese bread and a variety of empanadas (beef, cheese and hearts of palm). For the entree we had sizzling picanha (top sirloin), rice, beans and potatoes. Everything was delicious. To drink he had the original caipirinha, a Brazilian signature drink made out of cachaça (sugar cane alcohol), lime and sugar. I had a passion cosmo – a cosmopolitan made with cachaça and passion fruit. He had 2, I had 1, but I could easily have had more if it was in the evening and we had been there longer.
Even though I was full and had no room for dessert, I could not pass on the opportunity of getting brigadeiro (chocolate fudge truffles) and beijinho (coconut cream truffles), so I ordered dessert to go.
The second date didn’t disappoint. Conversation flowed as if we had known each other for years. We talked about our favorite movies, about the sale of my apartment and how he hopes his house sells soon, among many other topics.
He is shy, and I am not. I see a lot differences and also a lot of similarities. I already find myself working extra hard to find issues with him. I do that when I like someone. I am trying very hard not to do that. I am making a choice here to be open minded, to give it time, to be vulnerable and not to sabotage what can be a good thing.
Towards the end of the meal he became serious and said that he wanted to ask me to be patient with him. I don’t remember his exact words, as he was nervous and it seemed that it all came out at once, but he said something like: “I like you a lot. You are a special person. I am not saying I am getting you a ring on Tuesday, but I am not interested in looking for anybody else. I am longer on Match. But my life is complicated now and I have a lot to get resolved. I want you to know I am serious but for the next few weeks I am going to be very busy and it will be awhile until my life is sorted out.” He also mentioned taking the slow route.
“Trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.” – Moliere
He said a lot more, but I cannot remember it all. When he mentioned a ring, I jokingly removed my ring so he could see the size. He laughed and he too my hand in his. He held and caressed my hand while he was talking. It felt so amazing to have someone hold my hand and look into my eyes. I could see and feel his care, honesty and vulnerability.
He is still living and working with the ex-wife. They have the house and businesses to sort it out. Then there are the teenage kids that don’t know about the divorce yet. They think that they are both living on different wings of the house because they are on different sleep schedules due to the business travel that both do. He said that he is going along with her wishes not to say anything yet.
There were things that he told me that he didn’t have to. I rather not say too much here. I find his honesty refreshing. He is somewhat like me. I just tell the truth even if that is not going to paint me in a good light. I like that he didn’t try to sugarcoat his situation and minimize how complicated it really is. I rather have the truth than promises and pretty lies.
I know it will be a long road, but at this point I don’t feel he is asking too much. There is really nothing going on between us yet. He is not asking for me to stop dating and sit at home and wait for him. He just asked me to be patient with him and his situation. I am not a patient person but I am taking this opportunity to exercise those never used patience muscles.
“The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.” – Paulo Coelho
I said to him: Do what you need to do. I like you and I hope to see you again. Just don’t just disappear without letting me know.
It is weird. This is only the second date but it felt for a second that we were discussing the rest of our lives. It felt as if we were ready to plan a future together.
After he paid the bill, we walked out arm in arm on the streets of Manhattan. It was a beautiful day. It was just cold enough to feel alive and to notice it is winter.
We got to the corner of 42nd and Fifth Avenue, where we had to part ways. He was taking the subway to rush to some meeting. I was taking the train home. He hugged and kissed me good bye. It was more passionate than a peck, but nothing crazy or embarrassing. I wanted a little more passion but then again I am Brazilian, I always want more passion, even if I am in the middle of a busy street.
“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.” – Thomas Merton
There are a lot things I like about him and I cannot wait to see him again. He asked if I was open to breakfast and lunch dates during the week. His evenings are complicated. I said I was. I don’t have lunch breaks at work, but I can come and go as I please so I can meet any time. Of course meeting during the day will not afford us the chance to be more passionate and see if the chemistry is really there as I think it is but it will give us the chance to continue to find out more about each other.
Since he is traveling this week, he asked me out on the 15th, Friday. But immediately he looked at his phone and realized that perhaps it will be too late. He showed me his itinerary on his phone and his flight had just been changed to come in later than originally scheduled. So we will play ear on that and try to meet before then also.
Too bad that on Valentine’s Day he will be out of town, not that he would be able to meet if he was in town, but a girl can hope.
“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” ― A.A. Milne
One fear I have is: Is he a doormat? I don’t want to be with a doormat. I get him not wanting to rock the boat for the sake of the kids. It seems that at this moment he is doing everything the soon to be Ex wants. He doesn’t seem he has a voice. It seems he never had one in this relationship.
I am going to stop overthinking one way or another. No one is perfect, no situation is perfect. At this moment he feels right to me, so I am going to wait and see. And in the meantime still be open to meeting other people.
I will try my hardest not to be pushy and want to rush thing and have unrealistic expectations.
“I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 