Category Archives: Daily Message

Making peace with my choices

31 Thursday Mar 2022

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“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

My mom and I did it again.

She has done 4 times already and I am on my second, and, fingers crossed, the last.

Yes, if you guessed covid vaccine, you are right! Please come forward and collect your prize! 🙂

I got a booster shot. It was my second shot, as my first one was the one dose Johnson and Johnson. This one was Pfizer.

“When people will not weed their own minds, they are apt to be overrun by nettles.” ― Horace Walpole

This is not a pro-vaccine or anti-vaccine post. This is just a post about my not wanting to take the booster shot but in the end giving in, and making the decision that feels right for me right now.   It was not an easy decision at all.

In Brazil they started giving a fourth dose weeks ago.  My mother has already gotten it.  I found out after the fact, not that I would try to talk her out of it either.  My mom is soon to be 87 and she feels very protected by getting it.

I didn’t want to get a booster at all. I didn’t want to get the vaccine either, but ended up getting it because I was going to travel to Brazil to see my parents. I felt that I needed to do it for them. Once I did it, I felt it was the right choice for me.

Then came the booster and again I felt I had to get it because of my travels to Brazil.  I kept waiting, hoping that I would get confirmation that a booster is not required, but that hasn’t come.

“Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right.” ― Phillip C. McGraw

A friend that has just returned from Brazil said she was asked to show her vaccination card with the booster. Everything is so uncertain with the requirements that I chose to be on the safe side and take the booster, specially because my 1 dose JNJ is now over 1 year old.

I cannot postpone my trip to Brazil until I am sure I don’t need a booster. I have to go see my parents and brother and bring my mom over for her biannually trip here. She hasn’t been here in over 2 years.  She is a green card holder and is risking losing that status.

I have friends on both sides of this aisle. I have the ones that were shocked that it took me so long to get the booster.  And I have friends that were against the vaccine and didn’t want me to take the booster at all.

At the end of the day, they all understand that this is a personal decision. They respect my decision and I respect theirs. I had to choose what seemed to be best for me in my circumstances. 

I just heard about a new variant in Europe. Lord help us all!

“You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny.” ― Roy T. Bennett

When the ego is out of line

27 Sunday Mar 2022

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“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ― Rumi

Yesterday B and I celebrated our 1 month anniversary!  Yes, you heard me… 1 whole month!   I will be that annoying person that celebrate monthly anniversaries.  No longer counting dates, I now count months. 

We went to Tapas & Cucina, a restaurant that I like that is located in Eastchester, NY.  We shared different tapas.  We had spicy potatoes, meatballs, empanadas and eggplant. I had a passion fruit mimosa and he had chardonnay.   He stays away from sugar so he didn’t have dessert. I had the tiramisu.

He brought me beautiful flowers (that ones on the picture above).  He is very sweet and tender with me. It is so comfortable being with him.

But not everything is flowers. There are some thorns, and it is mostly my overreacting.

“Make your ego porous. Will is of little importance, complaining is nothing, fame is nothing. Openness, patience, receptivity, solitude is everything.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

I continue, often subconsciously, to look for excuses/reasons to run. I am trying to be aware and immediately stop anytime I feel myself going down that rabbit hole of self-sabotage.

He is trying hard to be understanding, and I am trying hard just being in the moment and not creating problems where there are none.

This time I had a problem when he changed the radio station in the car after I had chosen a radio station.     

I didn’t say anything at the moment, but he already knows me well and could sense it.  I am always talking, going silent for any amount of time signals to him that something is wrong.

“The moment you become aware of the ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old, conditioned mind-pattern. Ego implies unawareness. Awareness and ego cannot coexist.” ― Eckhart Tolle

He asked: “Ana, come back, where did you go?  What happened?”

I said: ” nothing”,  but when he insisted I mentioned the radio. I was trying to work out the situation on my own and not say anything, but in the end I rather be transparent and say exactly what is going on.  He apologized profusely.  He said he thought he had asked me.

I understand how petty that is, but for some reason, any little thing can have me looking into the future, and predicting doom.  My ego was trying hard to make me believe that his changing the radio station meant he didn’t respect my choices.

After some time, I was able to shut my ego down, and forget about the radio, and we proceeded to have an awesome night.

I am not proud of my moody behavior. I am, however, proud that I am able to recognize some of my patterns and that I am actively working on changing them.  Baby steps.

“Don’t Just

Don’t just learn, experience.
Don’t just read, absorb.
Don’t just change, transform.
Don’t just relate, advocate.
Don’t just promise, prove.
Don’t just criticize, encourage.
Don’t just think, ponder.
Don’t just take, give.
Don’t just see, feel.
Don’t just dream, do.
Don’t just hear, listen.
Don’t just talk, act.
Don’t just tell, show.
Don’t just exist, live.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

The 4th date and a misframe

13 Sunday Mar 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Mosaic and other crafts

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“I find only sadness and melancholy when I wade through the past, even when revisiting good memories. The past is gone; I can neither grasp it nor reshape it. Therefore, I must force my eyes to look toward the future where my mortal powers thrive.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich, Being Bold: Quotes, Poetry, & Motivations for Every Day of the Year

The fourth date was on Thursday night.  We met at a wine bar called Aura.  He remembered that this is the same place we had our second date 5 years ago.  At that time the place was called Gnarly Vine. 

He remembers everything about the few dates that we had 5 years ago.  He remembers where we went, what I said, etc.  I don’t remember anything, but as he shares what he remembers, bits and pieces come back to me.

It is crazy that I totally blocked out any memory of dates with him.  I remember liking him, and that is it.  My lack of memory of the past it is probably a combination of covid mental fogginess plus selective memory.  No sense in dwelling in the past.

We agreed to stop talking about the past and focus on the present. We are happy that we are getting a do-over.

If he doesn’t have to drive his daughter back to college tomorrow, Sunday, I will be going to his house for homemade pizza.  I am looking forward to seeing his home.  One can tell a lot from how a person lives. Fingers crossed that she is able to get a ride.

“. . .Looking forward to things is half the pleasure of them.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

While I was waiting for my latest piece (a bird) to dry, I decided to do a picture frame.  It was going to be a gift for my brother, but then came the flowers and the butterfly. And instead of grout I used glitter, tons of glitter.  It is hard to see the glitter in the picture.  It is no longer for my brother 🙂

Imagine, Hope and Pray

27 Sunday Feb 2022

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Sending prayers to the people of Ukraine and to all around the world that are suffering and feeling unsafe.

Imagine-John Lennon

Imagine there’s no Heaven
It’s easy if you try
No Hell below us
Above us only sky

Imagine all the people
Livin’ for today
Aaa haa

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too

Imagine all the people
Livin’ life in peace
Yoo hoo

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people
Sharin’ all the world
Yoo hoo

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

 

My dating life, or lack thereof

25 Friday Feb 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating

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“If someone is able to show me that what I think or do is not right, I will happily change, for I seek the truth, by which no one was ever truly harmed. It is the person who continues in his self-deception and ignorance who is harmed.” ― Marcus Aurelius

I haven’t gone on many dates lately, just a drink here and there.   I am busy with work, and most of the guys I have been matched with don’t seem to be good matches for me.

Most guys are either too young or live too far.  Some of the older ones are retired in Florida.  I am not moving to Florida any time soon, or ever.

Then, there are the usual jerks.   As an example, there was this one guy that asked if I was vaccinated.  I said yes.  He then replied:

“I need to be with someone who is intelligent enough to see through the narratives. Look at what they’re doing in Canada now. Martial Law.”

I was shocked.   There is really no response to that.  I just closed the chat.  

This, to me, is not about being pro or against the vaccine, but about people being so judgmental, inflexible and unwilling to have a conversation about different opinions; or the assumption of a different opinion.  

For the record: I don’t mind talking about the vaccine.  I was vaccinated because I felt I had to.  Once I got the 1 dose of JNJ, I felt it was the right decision for me at that point.  I have not gotten the booster yet.  I am still on the fence, leaning towards not getting it.

I got covid in December and I am still struggling with some remaining issues: heartburn, mental fogginess and anxiety. Would it have been worst without the shot? 

“I am what I might term an unprejudiced sceptic. I am not given to either believing or disbelieving things ‘on principle,’ as I have found many idiots prone to be, and what is more, some of them not ashamed to boast of the insane fact.” ― William Hope Hodgson

Moving on. Some of the guys that I am talking to and deciding if I am going to meet or not:

The hypnotist:  I am afraid he will hypnotize me.  I am scared he will turn me into a chicken or worse, make me believe I am so in love with him. Kidding/no kidding.   He gave me his whole information and I checked him out.  He is legit.    

The very young and very cute:  There are a couple of them.  They are both in their early 40s.  I am not.  Is it worth meeting guys where the relationship will go nowhere?  Probably not, but they have been so charming and, so far, saying all the right things.

The wordy accountant:  I may meet this one on Sunday.   I am not sure.  He lives over an hour away, but says he doesn’t mind driving to my area.  He is going on and on about the fact that he is looking for a long-term relationship and not a one night stand.  Is he trying to convince me or himself?

“Potential requires exploration.”
― Laurence Galian

***

Tonight I am going to have drinks with someone I went on a couple of dates with, 5 years ago.  I wrote about him in a couple of posts.  He is the guy (widower) that I mention towards the end of this post:

https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2017/06/07/what-is-so-bad-about-being-being-positive/

It is just a drink to catch up.  He was a nice guy, but reading back I realized that he kind of ghosted me.  I am keeping an open mind.  But I am doubly cautious about embarking in anything.  I keep saying I want to make new mistakes…

“The past is never where you think you left it.”
― Katherine Anne Porter

“Happy Woman Having an Off Day”

21 Monday Feb 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Mosaic and other crafts

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I love, love, love this piece. It came out of nowhere. This is a piece that makes me feel that I do have a creative bone in my body.

As I was organizing some glass pieces for another project a saw this face materialize in front of me. I abandoned what I was going to do and decide to finish the face.

The same day at the studio, there was a woman that I often see there.  She has been doing mosaic for years, and does commission pieces. 

She is always talking, always having fun.  We have a good time together.  On that day she was quiet and gloomy.  She was not her usual self.  She said that there was not a specific reason, she was just having an off day. 

It was definitely a different energy with her being so quiet.  I was trying to make jokes and cheer her up.

For some reason the tiles in front of me made me think of her.  Perhaps the pained, sad look and the short hair.  I announced that I was naming the piece after her.  

She was so happy.  I could see glimpses of her usual self returning.  She said that there was never anything named after her, and she was over the moon.   

Fast forward a couple of weeks. I was at the studio working on this project and another woman heard that I had named this piece after her friend.

She said: “It doesn’t look like her.” I said: “I know.  It is not supposed to look like her.  It is just the idea of her.” 

She appeared a bit annoyed, but didn’t say anything.  Later on, she said, out of the blue: “People should be careful about naming pieces after people, specially since it doesn’t look like them.”

I said: “She knows and she is happy about it.”

She then said: “Sometimes people hide their feelings.”

What? I was so shocked with that statement.  I said: “I am sorry you think that way.  I will ask her about it.  There is no way that I would do anything to hurt her or anyone.”

I was going to ask the woman herself about it, but then the studio closed for 2 months and I haven’t see her again.  For now the piece is nameless.  None of my pieces have names, but for some reason I feel this one needs it. 

For now the name is “Happy Woman Having an Off Day”.   I welcome ideas for a different name.

Since when the world got so sensitive? It is just a name on a piece. It is not a portrait, and not meant to look like the person.  It is meant as a compliment, just a fun and nice gesture.

I feel her friend created an issue where there was none.  But, I guess, I could be wrong. I have been wrong before 🙂

I have learned a lesson. Well, I am trying to learn the lesson.   I am very impulsive, and often say what comes to mind.  Naming the piece right then and there was an impulse.  I can’t assume that everyone would be okay with that.

Toning myself down is hard. I was not intent in causing pain. But, as they say: The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

In the meantime, I had to hold back tears when the woman told me that I was perhaps insulting and hurting her friend. Who is the sensitive now?

“And why is it, thought Lara, that my fate is to see everything and take it all so much to heart?”
― Boris Pasternak

 

Being taken for a ride, almost

09 Wednesday Feb 2022

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“Some people stand and move as if they have no right to the space they occupy. They wonder why others often fail to treat them with respect–not realizing that they have signaled others that it is not necessary to treat them with respect.” ― Nathaniel Branden, Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

This week I thought I would have more time to write and to take care of some things I had planned, but, you know what they say about plans…

My co-worker had a family emergency, so I had to add her functions to my list of things to do.   I canceled most of what I had scheduled for this week, but I kept a car appointment and a quick coffee date tonight.

My car appointment yesterday left me thinking that I was being taken for a fool. I hate that feeling.  The feeling that you can never let your guard down.

I went in for an oil change and was offered all kinds of extras, that I may or may not need.  I said no to $1,340.00 worth of services. I said I just wanted to do the oil change and would decide on the extras the next time, which I think is what I said last time.

They send me coupons all the time, but normally when I am about to get the oil changed, I never find them.  This time a coupon had just arrived the day before.   I showed him the coupon and said I would like to use it.  He said that the coupon was for a specific oil that it was not what my car takes. But there was another coupon with it, that it would get me a discount and instead of $1,340.00 I would have to pay only $1,072.00.

I tried to argue and ask why was I sent something that I was not going to be able to use.  The coupon specifically mentioned my car.  He said that it said so in some small print.

He said that he would still give me a promotional fee of $59.95.  The coupon was for $39.95.  Not wanting to argue and needing to get to work, I just said ok, go ahead.

Still feeling annoyed, I added, can I have my coupon back?  As he handed it to me, I said: “I want to make a few phone calls and give Honda a piece of my mind.  This is false advertisement, or some type of bait-and-switch scam, but whatever it is, it is not right.”

He then said. “Don’t worry about it, I am going to talk to my manager and we can give you that price”.

Stuff like that makes me mad.  The upselling, the misleading, anyone trying to get one over the next guy.  Does this happen to me because I am a woman, or perhaps I just look like an unsuspecting fool?

As a side note, do you know what type of services is really necessary for a 5-year-old Honda HRV with only 13,000 miles?

Thank you for visiting today 😊 May your day be blessed! ♥

I will come back tomorrow and report on my quick coffee date tonight. 

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what isn’t true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.” ― Soren Kierkegaard

 

Old-fashioned much?

26 Wednesday Jan 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“Never marry at all, Dorian. Men marry because they are tired, women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.” ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

I finally met J. for a 4th date.   I was hoping that I would feel differently seeing him again, but I feel the same way.  Not too much excitement.  He is a great guy but the little chemistry that seemed to be there is gone.  

The absence didn’t make the heart grow fonder.  It made it grow indifferent.

I was honest with him, that I was feeling overwhelmed and pressured by all his attention, texting and calling.  It felt too much, too soon.  I felt he was in love with the idea of me and a relationship.

He mentioned that when I had Covid he wanted to send me flowers but didn’t have my apartment number.  I said I was glad that he didn’t, it would have been nice, but way too much too soon. He said that even if we were just friends he would still send me flowers if I was sick.  I doubt that.

On the first date he had mentioned that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was overdoing with the texting and sending pictures daily.  I pointed out now that he was doing the same thing to me.  He said he understood.  He said he was okay with just being friends.

“I can officially confirm that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him.” ― Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones’s Diary

His birthday was on the beginning of January, so before we ordered our drinks and meals I mentioned that I was going to treat him for his birthday.  He didn’t want to accept, but finally agreed.

We always talk a lot, with some agreeing and disagreeing about different topics.  At one point he asked me what I wanted for my future, how I saw my future.

I answered that I wasn’t sure and didn’t really have my future/retirement planned out.  Then, I added that it would be perfect to have an apartment in Manhattan, one in Paris, a chalet on a skiing mountain and, for good measure, a beach house. 

He said: “Good luck with finding a man to give you that!”

I was taken aback, and honestly shocked and disappointed with his comment. It stopped me on my tracks.  I said to him:

“What? Why can I achieve that and more on my own?  You didn’t ask me what I was looking for in a man, or for a man to give me.  

He said that he was sorry, that he was joking.  But the damage was done.  Is that really what he thinks of me, and women? 

This clearly illustrates that he has no idea of who I am.  No one that knows me, would ever say that, even joking. We other points where we disagreed, and again he said he was joking.

“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”
― Henry Winkler

As I mentioned here, I don’t ever want to pay on the first date (I have at times when I knew I was never going to see the guy again and felt sorry he had overspent).  As a rule, I don’t care if it is a cup of coffee, I want to be treated on the first date.  On other dates, I don’t have a problem splitting the bill, or taking turns paying, like I do with my friends. 

With J., it has been no different.  After the first date, I offered to split the bill or treat him.  He always said no, and added that he would never have me pay.  Still, I have tried.  

If I wanted a guy to give me material things, I would have stayed with some of the rich guys I have met in the past, chemistry or not.  But that is not what I look for.  

What I want most is summed up by Steve Maraboli:

“I want love, passion, honesty, and companionship… sex that

drives me crazy and conversation that drives me sane.”

Financially speaking, I don’t care what a man does for a living as long as it is honest, and hopefully it is something he is not miserable doing.   

He doesn’t need to be rich, all he needs is to be able to support himself.  I have no interest in doing that.

I don’t need or want a man to support me either.  I have been doing that very well since I was 17 years old, and I plan on continuing to do so.

Who knows, maybe I will have the apartment in Manhattan and in France, the house in the mountains and the house on the beach.  Achieving it all, all by myself! 😉

The next morning he sends me a picture. I guess he didn’t get it.

“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.” ― Lady Gaga

I am happy Rosita is still here.

24 Monday Jan 2022

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“I am incapable of conceiving infinity, and yet I do not accept finity. I want this adventure that is the context of my life to go on without end.”
― Simone de Beauvoir , La Vieillesse

My cell phone rang and it was a number that I didn’t recognize.  Immediately I thought it was a telemarketer trying to sell me car insurance or whatever it is they are peddling this week.

I wasn’t going to answer but at the last minute, for some reason, I felt compelled to.  On the other end, there was this little voice that asked: Ana, is that you?

It was Rosita, this wonderfully little older lady that my mother and I met when we travelled to Israel in 2015.  She was in the same tour group we were and we hit if off immediately.

“Only when a person reaches old age can he stop caring about the opinions of his fellows, or of the public, or of the future.” ― Milan Kundera, Life is Elsewhere

She is of Pilipino ancestry and lives in Los Angeles.  Since we met in 2015, we talk on the phone a couple of times a year and have sent each other a little treat here and there.

The last couple of years I have tried calling her, but her number would just ring.  There was no message or beep for me to leave a voice mail.  I assumed that she had passed away.  She is going to be 90 years old and with Covid disrupting our lives and robbing us of loved ones for the last 2 years, I thought it was the only conclusion.

I am glad to have her back.  She explained that she has had health issues, had been in and out of hospital.  She no longer has the cell phone, using mostly a landline now. 

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” ― Sophia Loren

She was going through some pictures from her travels and found a picture that we took together.  She searched for my number and found it and was happy that she got me.

She is still funny, talking with a laugh here and there.  She is the type of person that exudes kindness and energy, in her voice and her being.  She was a joy in Israel and today she has been the bright spot of my day.

She mentioned again that she has a house with plenty of rooms for me and my mom to come and visit.  I really hope to have the chance and time to travel and visit her,  and all my friends across the US and overseas, before their light, or mine, gets extinguished.

 “The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.” ― Jean-Paul Sartre

Holding grudges can be good for your health

09 Sunday Jan 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“I am never proud to participate in violence, yet I know that each of us must care enough for ourselves that we can be ready and able to come to our own defense when and wherever needed.” ― Maya Angelou, Letter to My Daughter

I never believed in holding grudges.  I forgive easily and immediately forget.  I turn the other cheek always.  But is that always the best thing to do?

I am here to tell you that it is not.  Sometimes we shouldn’t forget what is done to us, if that means keeping us open to get hurt again.  Sometimes holding a grudge is a healthy form of self preservation.

Case in point:  the co-worker that I have mentioned many times in the past and specifically in this post:

https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2019/08/20/all-it-takes-is-one-overgrown-baby-to-mess-up-an-otherwise-great-day/

This one person thinks he is God’s gift to the financial world.  Because he is making money for the company he thinks that everyone should bow down to him. I have nicknamed him “the only child”.  He is an only child, and I don’t think his parents ever told him “No” or reprimanded him on anything.

I am not his biggest fan, but time and time again I go out of my way to help him, as I do for any of the other brokers.  I never think back to what he has said or done to me before.   

I always thought that not remembering what was done to me, and how it made me feel was a good thing. Until now.

I never hear a thank you, only complaints. That doesn’t bother me, I am used to it.  But on Thursday this person just took it too far.  He went crazy because I gave everyone Anti-Money Laundering training to do on Monday and expected everyone to have it done by Midnight on Friday.  This training takes only 20 minutes to do, and since they do it every year, they barely need to pay attention to it.  

He confronted me on the chat that we use to communicate internally. Thanks heaven we are no longer in the same office.  He said he wanted an explanation in writing from the regulators on why he had only 5 days to do it.  He went on and on, on how he was busy, and didn’t have time to do things when I felt like he needed to.  He accused me of very poor management, and doing things out of caprice and not because it was required. 

I think what infuriated him the most was the fact that I didn’t really engage him on his level, something that I have done in the past.  I just said I was sorry and that I would not be sending any explanation. I also added that all he was saying was uncalled for and it offended me.

He hurled some more insults and then he blocked me!  That was his way of having the last word.  I am not sure what he was thinking by blocking me.  He just made my life much better, by not having to deal with him in the chat.  He is the one that needs me, and not the other way around.

But I cannot lie and not mention that his attitude offended me and it robbed me of my peace.  What came to mind were the numerous times I go out of my way to help him and his personal clients.  Above and beyond what would normally be part of my job.  How dare him talk to me with such tone?

He made me furious, and sad.  I am so glad I didn’t react. I am choosing non-reaction.  I am choosing to let time and space work. But, I decided I must not forget.  I must not allow this person to think he can talk to me in a such way time and time again, and be okay.  I am not his servant and employee.

“Maybe we forget so that we can go on.” ― John Green, The Anthropocene Reviewed

It is so easy for miserable people to drag us down and rob us of our peace and well being.  He did that to me.  I was left so confused on why a 45 year old man chooses to behave like a spoiled child.  His whole tone and accusations were so out of line, that I chose not to say anything to the boss/majority partner at this moment.  I saved the conversation and I will show it to him when I am less upset about it. I am also choosing not to print it here.  I don’t want to read it again and get upset all over again.  I showed it to my sister and she was so mad.  She couldn’t believe his tone and accusations over something so stupid as a 20 minute training.

And because of this one person I now believe that holding a grudge can be beneficial in certain instances.  I already forgave him.  I wish him well, but far from me.  He is a miserable person and deserving of pity, but I don’t need to forget his abuse and put myself into the firing zone again.   Why should I ever put myself in a situation to get verbally abused again?

I don’t need to be a friend to everyone. I don’t need to be always so helpful to everyone. I can choose who to let be a part of my life.  Even though he is one of the brokers. I can choose not to deal with him.  I am making this choice.  I am worth this choice.  I am deserving of doing my job without this abuse.

Everyone is a teacher and every situation is a lesson.  Sometimes the teacher is a jerk and the lesson is self preservation. I remember my mother saying once: “Be good, but don’t be dumb”.  I am being a dummy to this guy way too long.  Always turning the other cheek, always acting like nothing ever happened. I am not taking it anymore.

I now believe in grudges, not the kind that you carry with you and hate the other person, but the kind that warns you when you are letting your guard down and letting mean intended people worm their way back into your life.

Taking for letting me vent.

“Emotional self-defense… When you set healthier relationship standards in your life, some people will take it personally. That’s their issue, not yours. The distance isn’t against them; it’s for you. It’s a boundary, not a grudge.” ― Steve Maraboli