I never left, looking for love in all places, online dating adventures, Paulo Coelho, Rumi and the Universe, still trying, still wanting, want love and intimacy, want the fairy tale
“When one has once fully entered the realm of love, the world — no matter how imperfect — becomes rich and beautiful, it consists solely of opportunities for love.” ― Søren Kierkegaard
I decided to get back on the horse. And by horse I mean online dating. I just signed up for it again. I felt that I was getting too complacent, too comfortable in my oneness. It feels that if I don’t just do it right now I will never get back to it.
Even though I always enjoyed speaking to new people and going on dates, lately every time I thought of joining I would think of it as a chore and would go off do something else. So today I made a point of signing up before I gave up on it forever. I am once again a member of Match.com.
I have never given up on the idea of love. I just have been passive about it. Instead of actively looking for it, I was just sitting back and letting it find me. It didn’t!
“It is impossible to exist without passion”― Søren Kierkegaard
That approach, or should I say non-approach, wasn’t really working. I am not a person that sits and waits. I go out there and get the job done…or die trying. I rather take the initiative, be aggressive and know that I am doing my part and having a hand in my destiny.
The Bible says: God helps those that help themselves.
Paulo Coelho says: When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
Rumi says: what you seek is also seeking you.
So I want God, Paulo Coelho, Rumi and the entire Universe to know that I am actively doing my part. I want the Universe to know that I am still here and still wanting and still trying to find love.
Winning or losing I want to feel that at least I am part of the game. I don’t want to be just a spectator.
“Many of us pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that we hurry past it.”― Søren Kierkegaard
I don’t need a man but I want one. I miss the intimacy. I miss the flirting. I miss the idea of having common goals and working together to achieve them. I want to believe that it will happen, actually I firmly believe that it will happen. It is only a matter of time. I can’t hurry love, as the song below says.
I also have never given up on the idea of the fairy-tale. But my version of fairy tale doesn’t involve princes in shining armors and white horses, just has men that pays their bills on time and showers daily. Is that too much to ask?
I feared that if I waited any longer I would just give up the idea of online dating all-together. I had fun before and I still believe in it. Or perhaps I just want an excuse to get out of the house.
Stay tuned for all the dating adventures to come. Fingers crossed.
“It’s quite an undertaking to start loving somebody. You have to have energy, generosity, blindness. There is even a moment right at the start where you have to jump across an abyss: if you think about it you don’t do it.”― Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea