“Peace begins
When expectation ends.”
― Sri Chinmoy, Perfection and Transcendence

It is always the same story for me when it comes to doctor visits.  I am always so hopeful before I go, and then so disappointed in the end.   

I expect to get answers and a proposed plan of action, but normally end up with just maybes. I expect validation of my feelings and symptoms, and end up feeling like it was all in my mind or the issue so minor that it was all a waste of time.  

“He wondered, with some annoyance, whether he would finally learn what he wanted to know, or if he would have in the end to content himself with what he already knew. He felt that, at his age, patience was ceasing to be a virtue and was becoming a luxury he could less and less afford.”― Romain Gary,  The Roots of Heaven

On Friday I went to an ENT to talk about my vertigo symptoms.  Conveniently for me there is one right in my office building. 

I was given an hearing test and then saw the doctor.  According to the doctor I have some, very minor hearing loss on the right ear.  Nothing to worry about it and nothing to do about it, as there is no nerve damage. It is not related to the dizziness that I have been feeling either.

I explained that even though I am still wobbly in the mornings I am 90% better by now.  Still I would like to discover the cause of it.  He said that this is the type of situation that is very hard to diagnose.  Guessing game here we go. 

Last time I had vertigo, about a year ago, my primary doctor instructed me to take allergy pills.  According to him the cause is often nasal congestion, even though I didn’t feel congested at all and don’t fee it now.

“The most exquisite pleasure in the practice of medicine comes from nudging a layman in the direction of terror, then bringing him back to safety again.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater

This time I took allergy pills a couple of times and also motion sickness medication.  They seemed to help a little. 

The doctor said he would try something.  He lowered the table while I sitting up straight, then he pushed me back really fast.  It was uncomfortable but okay.  Had that been done on prior days I would probably pass out from the dizziness.

He said that because I had taken the medications they were probably suppressing the symptoms. I mentioned that I had only taken it a couple of times and the last time it was a day ago, but he said that still would interfere.    

He asked me not to take any more medication and return in one week. I asked:  “Should I still come back if by then I have no more symptoms? The symptoms are almost all gone by now.”

He said he still wants to see me anyway.  I said okay, but now that I think about it, what is the point? I am not sure I will go back if there aren’t any symptoms.  I don’t see the point.

“The doctor arrived towards dinnertime and said, of course, that although recurring phenomena might well elicit apprehension, nonetheless there was, strictly speaking, no positive indication, yet since neither was there any contraindication, it might, on the one hand, be supposed, but on the other hand it might also be supposed. And it was therefore necessary to stay in bed, and although I don’t like prescribing, nevertheless take this and stay in bed.”― Leo Tolstoy,  The Devil

Today, Sunday, I feel 95% better. We shall see how I feel by Friday when I have the follow up appointment.

I understand that I am not being  realistic in my expectations every time I see a doctor.  He is only human and not a miracle worker.

Moving on from this topic, I have one curiosity.  Is everyone more prone to have physical issues on one side of their body versus the other? All my problems are on my right side.  Is that because I am right handed and perhaps use and overuse more my right side?

These are my issues:

• Right wrist.  I was developing carpal tunnel on my right wrist.  I now use the mouse on the left hand and all is fine.
• Right hip. I have bursitis, arthritis and a tiny tear on my right hip.  I got used to living with the pain.
• Right clavicle.  I have Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (TOS) on my right clavicle.
• Right eye.  Every now and then I have a sharp pain in the back of the right eye accompanied with some redness. I have a check up every year by a specialist and he says it is nothing.
• Right ear.  And now I have been told that I have a minor hearing loss on the right ear.

Is there a spiritual meaning to that? I think there is a spiritual meaning to everything, so perhaps someone can enlighten me.  Why is my right side crying for attention and help?

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” -― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Gosh, I made myself sound so physically damaged 😦 Still I feel like I am only 25 years old.  That is, when the room is not spinning.