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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Daily Archives: March 25, 2020

Far away family and unfinished floors

25 Wednesday Mar 2020

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

Brazil, car leases, coronavirus worries, elderly parents, family far away, flooring mess, grin and bear it, home improvements, Honda HRV, questions and answers, rent or buy, Sao Paulo, unfinished business

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”― Paulo Coelho

My friend, and fellow blogger, David from Life and Random Thinking https://dfolstad58.wordpress.com/ asked me 2 questions while commenting on a post.  Here are the questions and answers:

David asked: How is your mom in Brazil? How did your reno turn out?

My family in Brazil.  My family lives in a town in the state of Sao Paulo.  The population is about 85,000.  As of this moment there are no confirmed cases of the Coronavirus there, but I think it is only a matter of time.  

Healthcare in Brazil is really bad.  Too often hospitals lack equipment and space.  I cannot imagine what will happen if they become inundated with cases. On top of that, our president follows everything Trump says and does.  Right now he is arguing with governors and mayors over what he calls “overreaction”. 

My parents don’t seem too worried about themselves, or at least they don’t show.  They worry about the economy and the people that cannot afford to stay at home until this is over.  Mom is also sad that all our travel plans had to be canceled.  She was coming to NY in April.  Now all is on hold.

I remain positive that my mother, who is turning 85 years old on May 1st and my dad who is 83 will be okay.  They are homebodies anyway so it is not hard to keep them at home.  I worry about the people that normally come to the house.  

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” ― George Burns

My brother, who is 62 years old, is the one that oversees the care of my parents.  He lives in the little house in the back of their house, so he is always there.  There is a lady that cleans the house twice a week and there is a nurse that comes once or twice a week to check on my dad issues with his leg (he had one leg amputated due to cancer). 

On our daily phone call, my sister and I have been stressing to them the need to use hand sanitizer and antibacterial wipes everywhere.  At this point we need to trust that they will do their best to keep my parents safe.

Living far from my parents for the past 36 years I had to learn to come to terms with many things.  There is not a lot I can do being far away, other than helping them financially.  Time doesn’t stop for anyone, they are getting older and will eventually part.  Every time I visit them it could be the last.  So I do all I can from here and every time I am there I make the most of it.  No regrets.

“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Apartment Renovation:  Don’t ask!  Just kidding, you can ask, but you just reminded me that my renovation is unfinished.  Not that I don’t see it every day. I have just been avoiding thinking about it.

The painting is done.  So are, the light fixtures, some removed and some hung up.  The flooring is another story. 

At this moment my sister’s bedroom has the new floor but the shoe moldings hasn’t been finished.  A friend who is a painter was doing the floor for me.  He said he knew how to do floors and he had done a few before.  Clearly he didn’t know anything about padding. 

When I mentioned wanting to keep the same padding that was under the carpeting that was removed he didn’t fight me on it.  Clearly it was the wrong call. When you step on the floor it moves.  He wanted to redo it right away, but I didn’t have the mental energy for it.  I got so frustrated that I halted everything.  

The picture below is my sister’s room.  Because the moldings weren’t finished the planks are moving, so the gaps are starting to show and become wider.

My sister’s room

My bedroom has only padding on the floor, as you can see on the picture below.  Even though my carpet wasn’t that bad I went ahead and removed it, thinking that the floor was going to be installed right away.   

All the flooring and the padding material are now hidden under my bed waiting until my mind is clear so I can choose what to do next.  I put some rugs down for now.

Please note that my friend was not doing me a favor, I probably paid him more than the going rate for the job. I don’t blame him.  I blame myself.

My bedroom

“The true genius shudders at incompleteness — imperfection — and usually prefers silence to saying the something which is not everything that should be said.”― Edgar Allan Poe

Thank you for asking David! You probably didn’t intend on getting such a long answer.  Be careful what you ask for/about! 🙂 ♥♥

Be blessed and safe everyone!

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Gratitude is my panic room

25 Wednesday Mar 2020

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

always grateful, Coronavirus, feeling uncertain, panic room, Tagore poems, this too shall pass, working from home

“Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers
but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain
but for the heart to conquer it.

Let me not look for allies in life’s battlefield
but to my own strength.

Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved
but hope for the patience to win my freedom.

Grant that I may not be a coward,
feeling your mercy in my success alone;

But let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.” – Tagore

This was my third day working from home. I feel out of sorts.  I am a creature of habit.  Without the routine I feel lost.  Working from a desk in my bedroom I am busy the whole day and yet I don’t feel productive.  

My comfort zone is my routine and the accomplishments at work.  As I battle these uncomfortable feelings I focus on the potential growth hidden in these feelings.  

I think that at the core of this discomfort is fear.  Fear of tomorrow’s uncertainty.  I like order and I like having an idea of what the future may bring.  Now it is hard to tell.

As I put these thoughts out in the open I feel embarrassed at my silliness and even entitlement. How dare I feel lost and out of control?

“Man is not to fight with other human races, other human individuals, but his work is to bring about reconciliation and Peace and to restore the bonds of friendship and love. We are not like fighting beasts. It is the life of self which is predominating in our life, the self which is creating the seclusion, giving rise to sufferings, to jealousy and hatred, to political and commercial competition. All these illusions will vanish, if we go down to the heart of” ― Tagore

Today I woke up in my cozy bed, in my big bedroom.  I woke up safe and sheltered.  I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is coming from.  If I miss a few paychecks life will not fall apart. 

If I catch Coronavirus I have insurance and I am in the US, where, although healthcare needs improving it is still much better and more available than in a lot other countries.

Although I worry about my elderly parents far away in Brazil I know they are being well taken care of by my brother.  I really have nothing to complain about.

Living in the US, specifically in NY state, it is easy to take everything for granted.  For so many around the world, and even here in the US, Coronavirus is not even a thought as their daily struggles are as basic as food, shelter, clean water, electricity, etc.   

Feeling lost because I am working from home is a luxury.  Many would give anything for a home and a job. That thought slaps me in the face.

“Perhaps the new dawn will come from this horizon, from the East where the sun rises; and then, unvanquished Man will retrace his path of conquest, despite all barriers, to win back his lost heritage. ” ― Tagore

I return to gratitude, a space that I inhabit well.  A place where I belong.   Gratitude grounds me.  It provides me with the perspective I need in uncertain times.

Although there are moments I forget,  I am blessed and I know it. And so are you.

Be safe, be grateful and be blessed!  Above all, be kind!

All the poems/quotes here are from Tagore.  In 1913 Rabindranath Tagore was the first non-European person to win a Nobel Prize for Literature. He was born in Indian 1861 and died in 1941. He was a poet and scholar. 

“Where the mind is without fear
and the head is held high,
where knowledge is free.
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls.
Where words come out from the depth of truth,
where tireless striving stretches its arms toward perfection.
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost it’s way
into the dreary desert sand of dead habit.
Where the mind is led forward by thee
into ever widening thought and action.
In to that heaven of freedom, my father,
LET MY COUNTRY AWAKE!”― Tagore

 

 

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