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ended before it really started, honesty and kindness, honesty is the best policy, I accepted it, learn and move on, live and learn, no fourth date, third date is not the charm; he broke up
I don’t know what happened exactly but it probably had to do with the 2 questions/points I brought up on the last date. After that conversation he was calling and texting less often, which is what I wanted. I felt I could breathe and for a second I felt this relationship would have a chance. I was wrong.
Last night I received a call from him. He sounded serious and said he wanted to be honest with me and share some thoughts he was having. I knew in my heart that he didn’t want a relationship anymore even before he said anything.
He said that he had been thinking about “us” and remembered things he had learned in therapy. He said there was competition between us and that reminded him of his ex-wife. I was just going to let him speak without interruption, but I had to ask: Competition? What competition? I am a competitive person, but not when it comes to dating. He then back pedaled and said that he didn’t mean “competition”, he meant conflict, he meant that we are not on the same level.
Was he trying to say that I was competing with him financially? I was not. We have different styles. At any rate I didn’t see the need to argue the point with him. At the end of the day he wants to stop seeing me and I agree with that. No sense in splitting hairs.
I let him speak some more. He was talking a mile a minute, as if he was trying to assure himself he was doing the right thing or perhaps he was trying to find the right words to let me down easy, the “it is me, not you” type of thing.
He didn’t have to. I am weirdly relieved. Back to the comfort of single-hood. Back to searching.
At one point, when it seemed that he was just making the same point over and over again, I thanked him for his honesty and wished him luck.
And I meant it, he an awesome guy, I wish him the best. There is a right person for him, but I am not the one.
He immediately blocked me on the dating site. I don’t get! A day ago he acted as if I was the love of his life, today I am persona non-grata. Oh well…But perhaps I understand it. Perhaps he wants to make sure that there is no turning back.
I still think I did the right thing by speaking up about what was giving me concern about pursuing a relationship with him. Was it too early to talk about things? I think it is never too early. I believe in honesty and kindness. The only kind thing to do is to be honest.
He probably learned not to be too eager, or appear too needy, or disclose his finances on the first date. I learned…I am not sure what I learned, but I know there is always a lesson. Oftentimes more than one.
“Most of us do not take these situations as teachings. We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape — all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain.” ―
Better off to separate now instead of investing a lot of time and then separating.
I totally agree 🙂
Blessings!
“Move over darling!”
Next! No time to waste!
Blessings to you Peter! 🙂
I am sure it was the 2 questions which made him think. It is better part now than later and you can get on with more dating!
I am sure my bluntness was a little too much for him. Indeed, better now then later, when perhaps my heart would have been involved.
Blessing to you Ute!! 🙂
If you’re relieved at all it means you probably instinctively knew it wasn’t right for you. Happy adventures!
Hi Eliza
Exactly, the only thing I felt was relief and that was very telling.
I am surprised that I didn’t feel rejected even if I was not that interested.
More adventures to come…
Blessings! 🙂
I don’t see my comment but I missed out
Love, light and glitter..! And no, it’s not you. Honesty is always the best policy. Better to have ended it sooner rather than later
HI Eliza
Sorry about your comment.
You are right, it is better to happen now before my heart got all tangled up in it.
Wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
so sorry it didn’t work out! Its probably for the est, though!
Yes, I believe that everything is always for the best! 🙂
Good riddance?
HI Mitch
Yes, in a way, I am happy to be over before it really started.
Wishing you a blessed weekend!
You too!
🙏🤗
Ah well, it really wasn’t meant to be and I think you felt that anyway. Onwards and upwards my dear! xx
I did feel like something was off, so it was better this way.
The search continues…
Blessings to you! 🙂
I am sorry, but not surprised. I am not at all certain I believe he was completely honest with you. I think his thoughts might have been, “Oh, if she doesn’t like these 3 things, wait till I really tell her the other things.”
I am learning to be happy. A good friend of mine just got divorced since the last few months I hadn’t seen him…(8 or 9). Been there twice. Not sure I even want to go back and not sure anyone would actually take me now.
Scott
Hi Scott
I have to agree with you. I suspect there is more he wasn’t telling me.
To me happiness is choice. We need to learn to be happy no matter what is going on at the moment, with someone or alone.
I know someone that after decades alone, now at 80 years old has found someone…so there is hope for us.
Blessings to you! 🙂
I am, mostly, not worried about being alone. I have set my sails and have a life to look forward to…
That is the way to be. Let’s keep busy living 🙂
He sounds insecure to me, how strange that he felt the need to block you on the website as if he assumed you’d stalk him. Good riddance! ❤️
Hi Judy
The blocking was just very weird and immature. I still don’t get it, but I need to accept that some people behave in weird ways.
I guess he really wanted to close that door, burn that bridge.
Thank you for stopping by! Blessings! 🙂
You’re welcome 🙂
Thanks
my gut tells me he was into control and you are not a person to be controlled. Keep looking. There are good men out there.
I actually thought I would have to take control and guide the relationship in the way I wanted. And guide his finances also. Not for me!
You are right, there are great people out there, so I will continue searching!
Thank you for stopping by and many blessings to you! 🙂
I agree that it should never be too early to discuss what you want! In my own experience, it always seems to drive people away. It baffles me how people when you date someone, certain questions can put them off! Oh well, you are much better off if he couldn’t be upfront and honest. Everyone deserves that
HI Charlotte
Exactly how I feel! I rather get some questions out of the way.
What is the point of starting to like someone and then finding out stuff that you are not willing to put up with. That would be a waste of time.
Thank you for your insight! Blessings! :-)♥
For sure, it’s not worth dating someone and falling for them, to find out they’re essentially wasting your time! No problem😁