, , , , , , ,

I don’t know what happened exactly but it probably had to do with the 2 questions/points I brought up on the last date. After that conversation he was calling and texting less often, which is what I wanted.  I felt I could breathe and for a second I felt this relationship would have a chance.  I was wrong.

Last night I received a call from him.  He sounded serious and said he wanted to be honest with me and share some thoughts he was having.  I knew in my heart that he didn’t want a relationship anymore even before he said anything.

He said that he had been thinking about “us” and remembered things he had learned in therapy.  He said there was competition between us and that reminded him of his ex-wife.  I was just going to let him speak without interruption, but I had to ask: Competition?  What competition? I am a competitive person, but not when it comes to dating.  He then back pedaled and said that he didn’t mean “competition”, he meant conflict, he meant that we are not on the same level.

Was he trying to say that I was competing with him financially? I was not.  We have different styles.  At any rate I didn’t see the need to argue the point with him.  At the end of the day he wants to stop seeing me and I agree with that.  No sense in splitting hairs.

I let him speak some more.  He was talking a mile a minute, as if he was trying to assure himself he was doing the right thing or perhaps he was trying to find the right words to let me down easy, the “it is me, not you” type of thing.

He didn’t have to. I am weirdly relieved. Back to the comfort of single-hood. Back to searching.

At one point, when it seemed that he was just making the same point over and over again, I thanked him for his honesty and wished him luck.

And I meant it, he an awesome guy, I wish him the best.  There is a right person for him, but I am not the one.

He immediately blocked me on the dating site.  I don’t get!  A day ago he acted as if I was the love of his life, today I am persona non-grata. Oh well…But perhaps I understand it. Perhaps he wants to make sure that there is no turning back.

I still think I did the right thing by speaking up about what was giving me concern about pursuing a relationship with him.  Was it too early to talk about things? I think it is never too early.  I believe in honesty and kindness. The only kind thing to do is to be honest.

He probably learned not to be too eager, or appear too needy, or disclose his finances on the first date.  I learned…I am not sure what I learned, but I know there is always a lesson. Oftentimes more than one.

“Most of us do not take these situations as teachings. We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape — all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain.”  ― Pema Chödrön