a gentleman always pays, being a gentleman, being okay with the uncomfortable, can kissing be learned, How can you tell someone they are a bad kisser, I may have a boyfriend, Italian restaurants, new relationships, several dates, trying a new perspective
“A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.” – Rita Rudner
Here is a summary of the dates I had with P., the finance guy. I am not going on dates or speaking to anyone else or checking online profiles at this time. I want to give him my full attention and a fair chance. I also don’t have much time lately. I am not sure what he is doing, but I don’t think he is online anymore.
At this point it would not bother me if he is dating other women as I am free to date also. I am just choosing not to do it for lack of time and energy. But when the time comes that we are intimate then we will have the commitment conversation. I don’t like the idea of sleeping with someone that is sleeping around.
Date 1 – Posto 22 – Italian Restaurant in my town – I had eggplant and angel hair pasta and we shared the tartufo for dessert.
He chose the restaurant after I gave him the names of 5 restaurants near me. I wanted him to choose.
I was expecting a nice guy but nothing else. My investment in this date was minimal. I just left my building and turned the corner and the restaurant is right there. He drove over 1 hour in a car with no heat in below freezing temperature.
I liked him right away. He seemed a bit nervous and shy but totally interested in me and all I had to say. I often have a lot to say. I didn’t think I was going to like him so much, but I did. At end I was excited and dreaming of the possibilities.
He asked me on a second date that night.
“A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
Date 2 – Lea Wine Bar – Tapas/Sushi place in New York City – I had a couple of Lychee Martinis, sushi and empanadas
I chose the place, I didn’t want to and almost canceled over having to choose. Later I explained to him that I rather have the man choose the place. He said that he thought it was thoughtful to let me choose but that he had no problem in choosing from then on.
We held hands. We kissed for the first time. It didn’t blow me away, but I think he is shy and being extra cautious not to scare me away by being overly enthusiastic and being too physical.
He complimented me on my hair.
He walked me to the train and sat with me until it was time for the train to leave.
I was relieved that I still liked him on the second date as much as on the first. That rarely happens.
“And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.” – Kahlil Gibran
Date 3 – Naples 45 – Italian Restaurant in New York City – We had pizza with no cheese and chicken Milanese, prosecco and wine, cheesecake and tiramisu.
I think he completely forgot he told me he would start choosing the restaurant and again he asked me to choose. For a second I was extremely annoyed over it. Is he paying attention to what I am saying?
I stopped and chose non-reaction. Nothing. I let those feelings wash over me and I concentrated on the work I was doing at work.
Later I told him we would meet by the clock inside Grand Central Station. When I met him there I got my phone out and we chose the nearest Italian restaurant together. Italian is his favorite cuisine.
I decided not to bring up the choosing the restaurant issue. I consider that a huge shift, and growth moment for me. I am choosing to do what is uncomfortable: not speaking all that is on my mind. Perhaps being the one choosing the meals is not such a bad thing. He is the one paying. I decided to change my view on that.
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.” – Alphonse Karr
He had on a suit and tie as he had gone to a meeting in the afternoon and looked very handsome. As usual he kept complimenting me and saying how beautiful I was. What girl doesn’t like to hear that? I am a sucker for it. I am independent, self assured, professional and confident, still I want to hear a man tell me that I am pretty.
We talked about the stock market since that is the business he is. It was nice to hear the passion for it in his voice.
He mentioned Valentine’s Day and the need to choose a place and reserve it soon. Again he said I can choose whatever I want. One of the reasons I don’t like to choose is that I don’t want to seem I am choosing expensive places. Since he is not choosing I am going to make a list of all the restaurants I want to try and start crossing them off my list.
During dinner he asked me what I was doing the next evening (Saturday) and if I wanted to get together for dinner and movie. I said yes.
After dinner he walked me to the train station. When we got there I saw that my train was about to leave so I ran for it leaving him in mid-sentence. I barely gave him a peck on the cheek. I felt so stupid afterwards. I always do that. I run for trains even though there is always another one after.
I apologized later. He said he was left confused but ended up seeing the humor in it.
Date 4 – Patrias – My favorite restaurant in my town -Tapas Spanish place – We had the pan com tomate, cod fish croquettes, fried chicken and a vegetarian paella.
He showed up looking like a rock star in a leather jacket and spiky hair. He definitely looks younger than his age.
We talked, flirted, and ate wonderful food. He chose to drink water, I had sangria. We were supposed to go to the movies after but I decided against it because I thought it would be too late for him to go home after, and I wanted him to stop by my apartment also.
In the afternoon I had gone to an Italian bakery and gotten his favorite dessert to surprise him: Ricotta cheesecake. So I said that we should go back to my place for dessert. Even though it is only the fourth date I trusted him enough and felt comfortable enough to have him over to my place.
He was pleasantly surprised that I took the time to go and find his favorite dessert. I made coffee and he had the cake. I put American Indian music on, something he enjoys – It was nice and peaceful.
And oh yeah, I put pajamas on.
I am so used to getting in my apartment, removing my shoes and either putting in exercise clothes or something comfortable. My apartment is on the cold side so I felt more comfortable in my cozy long pajamas.
He is so nice and he is going out of his way not to do anything to scare me away so I knew that he wouldn’t even try to kiss me. When I mentioned something about that, he said: “I am not going to spoil this, this is a long term investment. I have time and I have patience“. I just thought it was an adorable answer and shows me where his heart and mind is.
It is great not to feel pressured to do anything I am not ready for.
“Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice.” – Vin Diesel
He didn’t make any moves on me. I initiated. We just snuggle and we kissed. The kissing was still awkward and not that exciting to me. Is that a sign of things to come? If the kissing is this lackluster what about all the rest? I am hoping that is just because he still seems nervous.
He said I looked great in the blouse I had on before I changed, which showed some cleavage. He said my arms also looked great in it. It seemed like an odd compliment. I don’t like the way my arms look as they lack muscle tone at the moment. Plus I would have thought that my cleavage would blind him to everything else.
I almost forgot a detail. The restaurant I chose didn’t take credit card, so instead of telling him to bring cash, I figure I could buy dinner this one time.
When he asked for the check and pulled the card out, I said: They don’t accept credit card. His face fell. He said: I don’t carry cash, I have to go to an ATM. I said: Don’t worry, I brought cash. He continued to tell me that we would find an ATM after.
By the time the waitress came with the check she said that now they do accept card. He was relieved. Then it turned out that there was a problem with the chip in his card and had to be swiped instead but the waitress seemed flustered so I insisted on paying.
Immediately after leaving, he saw an ATM inside the Mexican Restaurant next door and insisted on going in and paying me back. He said: There is no way I invite you to dinner and let you pay. That is my kind of guy!!
I have additional comments and observations about him, well, us really, but I will have in a next post. I am trying to post more often and not make such long posts, which I clearly failed again. Oftentimes I write and write and by the time I am finished the material seems stale, so I am trying to change that.
“Daughter! Get you an honest Man for a Husband, and keep him honest. No matter whether he is rich, provided he be independent. Regard the Honour and moral Character of the Man more than all other Circumstances. Think of no other Greatness but that of the soul, no other Riches but those of the Heart. An honest, Sensible humane Man, above all the Littlenesses of Vanity, and Extravagances of Imagination, labouring to do good rather than be rich, to be usefull rather than make a show, living in a modest Simplicity clearly within his Means and free from Debts or Obligations, is really the most respectable Man in Society, makes himself and all about him the most happy.” – John Adams, Letter of John Adams, Addressed to his wife