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With my friend still in town, everything has been fun and games.
We went to see The Phantom of the Opera.  I have seen it over a dozen times but I still think that it is a must-see for tourists.   We walked the Brooklyn Bridge and took the ferry back to NY.  I want to go back and walk from Brooklyn to Manhattan at night.  We spent a couple of days in Mystic, CT and Westerly, RI. We enjoyed the casinos in Connecticut and had dinner at the Ocean House in Westerly.  It was wonderful!

There has been countless trips shopping and eating out.  In the meantime I am not paying any attention to exercise and healthy eating.  I know I need to snap out of this and find a middle ground but I also don’t want to pressure myself.    Right now I just go along with my sister and friend enjoying the sights, scenes and flavors of New York as if I haven’t been living here for the past 33 years.   They will not be here forever s

It is hard to be a good host and still put myself first.

“Be there for others, but never leave yourself behind.” – Dodinsky

In the meantime, my dating life continues slowly and steadily.  For some reason I still continue to think about the widower that I had great chemistry with.  He says that he is giving me space to spend time with my guests, but what I hear is: “I am not that interested”.  I already know that it will not work between us but something in me still wants him and doesn’t want to give up.  Perhaps the part of me that enjoys getting hurt in the name of love.

There is so much I would like to tell him if he could only stand a serious and deep conversation, as he puts it.

I want to say that I understand.  I understand being in pain.  I understand being unable to turn back the clock and get the past back.  I understand when people look at you and think that you should be over it by now and still you can’t.  All you want to do is crawl into a ball and hide.

I understand it and still I want to point out that he has choices.  He can continue to choose to feel like a victim or he can choose to move on.  He can choose to live or just exist.  The choice seems clear but sometimes we feel powerless to move.

Whatever he chooses to do or not to do I wish him well.

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” – Steve Maraboli

I had a date with an Ancient History teacher.  It was nice but no chemistry for me.  He asked me on a second date, I said yes but I haven’t scheduled anything yet.  I am not sure it is worth to waste his time if I already know I am not feeling it.

I had a date yesterday with a retired doctor.  He was so sweet.  He drove almost 2 hours to come and meet me for lunch.  The best part is that I got to bring my friend and my sister also. We had a great meal at a great restaurant. He was so gracious and funny, but I am not sure I felt any chemistry.  He texted a couple of times since yesterday and I am not sure what to do if he asks me on a second date.

“Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.”  – E.E Cummings

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