As usual I started many posts and never finished/published them. By now they have lost their freshness and significance. They are pretty much old news. But still I want to record it here and make sure you don’t miss anything 🙂
“You must be able to say “I understand,” before you can say “I agree,” or “I disagree,” or “I suspend judgment.” – Mortimer J. Adler
Dating: The classical musician I was dating was insistent on meeting my mother. I explained to him the reasons why he would not meet her. I mentioned that we barely know each other. But chief among my reasons was my fear that he would think that the relationship was more serious then what it was.
Guess what? By now we are no longer speaking. We had a misunderstanding over texts and things are pretty much over. I didn’t like his negativity when I shared some bad news and I let him know. I wouldn’t mind have him as a friend but if I reach out now he may think I am interested in more so I am leaving things alone. I was already unsure of my feelings so why insist on something that my heart is not in it in the first place? I was terrified of hurting him so it is better this way. He is an awesome guy so I pray he finds someone nice out there.
On Sunday I went to dinner with a 46 year old school counselor and we got along great. We are going out again this week. He considered Sunday a meet and greet and not a first date. To me, if there is plenty of food and drinks, and you spend hours together it is a date. We are talking about taking dance lessons together even if we don’t make it romantically. We shall see.
“My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.” – George Washington
Mom’s visit: I started writing about the joys and hardships of having mom visiting for a month. We get to spend quality time together. Each time I get to discover something new about her childhood and younger days. We have fun going shopping and going to the casino. She enjoys making my favorite meals and coming up with new desserts.
But our relationship can be trying sometimes as I cannot really say all I am thinking because she cannot handle it. She is 82, from a different time and culture. If I haven’t challenged her by now, now that she is older I am not about to start.
By now I am writing about the bitter sweetness (she left on Saturday) of her leaving. Sad to see her go but happy to return to my routine. When she is here I make her a priority and everything else takes a back seat. Also she loves to cook and bake and now I have an extra 10 pounds to get rid of now.
Now I am thinking about taking mom to Israel again as she can’t stop talking about returning there. And there is nothing that pleases me more than making my mom happy.
“That’s the thing about being a victim; you start to think it’ll happen to you on a regular basis. It’s living with the reality of your own vulnerability, and it sucks.” – Dennis Lehane
Car troubles: My car was at the mechanics for the third straight time. Any time something breaks, especially my car, I feel vulnerable. I feel powerless and at someone’s else mercy. This is a feeling I hate. I don’t have the tools to know if what a worker is telling me is correct.
By now I have my car back, but because it has been in the mechanics for the same problem a couple of times I now struggle with trusting that the problem has been corrected 100%. Every time I put the key in the ignition I am afraid it will not start.
Now I am deciding which car to buy and what to do with this one. I don’t want to sell it as I already invested too much money in it. It is a classic and I hope that the longer I keep I can eventually recover the money I put in it. I also need to find an extra parking or storage space.
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” – Epicurus
Thanksgiving: And of course Thanksgiving has come and gone, but gratitude should stay forever. I am grateful for the for family, friends, job, health, opportunities, for this blog and for you!
I decided to try to be even more grateful than what I already am. I am being vigilant about it. I am paying attention to every breath, every little thing, good and even the bad ones.
It is easy to be grateful for the good and fun. To be grateful for the bad things it takes effort. It takes the ability to believe that nothing is bad. Everything is for the better and for the greater good.
It takes blind faith.
Being grateful goes hand in hand with being positive and faithful. Being grateful is not a function of how much one has, being grateful is realizing that whatever you have is in itself a blessing.
Problems are lessons and opportunities. Even tragedies have a way of uncovering miracles and revealing the best in people.
I plan on uncovering and revealing every little morsel of blessing I see.