Tags
cynical, faith and fate, Friends, giving up, love, online dating, persisting, relationships, soulmate
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
― C.G. Jung
Last night I went to dinner with a friend. I was telling her all about my adventures and misadventures with online dating. She thinks dating online is an absolute waste of time and she has no patience for it. Even though we agree that we have different views on the subject, for some reason I found myself defending online dating.
It got me thinking on the reasons why I do online dating. The main reason of course it that I want to find someone to share my wonderful life with, but it is more than that.
1. I still believe that there is someone out there for me and I am not willing to let go of that idea. I still believe in love. I don’t know where this person is and I don’t know when it will happen, but it will. That I know for sure!
2. I believe in being pro-active. I don’t like putting all my faith into fate! The idea of sitting on my hands and waiting for someone to knock on my door doesn’t suit me well. Putting myself out there makes me feel empowered.
“Nothing in this world was more difficult than love.” ― Gabriel García Márquez
3. It forces me to get out of the house and socialize. I love staying at home and most of the time I rather stay home than go out. The few friends I have are often busy. I am becoming a hermit. Dating gives me a reason to get dressed up and out there in the world. I find it fun getting ready, getting dolled up and dressed up, and a date is a good excuse for it.
4. I am able to meet people that I don’t normally encounter on my day to day. I see people on the train and on my walk to work, but no chance to talk and get to know anyone. Online I have met all kinds, and I enjoy the diversity.
5. Gives me great knowledge on men, people in general. I am becoming a connoisseur of people. Some men amaze me, some disgust me, some make me want to get a dog, some renew my faith in mankind. But they all make me rejoice in the beauty of the details that make each one of us unique.
“When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.”
― Joshua Harris
6. Gives me great knowledge into myself. With each experience, good and bad, I learn about myself as I deal with the aftermath of a potential encounter, from hopefulness and happiness to rejection and disappointment. I am also getting great insight in the type of partner I want and need. Perhaps it makes me more selective, but I don’t see a problem with that.
7. I operate under the premise that I am normal, heck, I am better than normal I am a terrific human being, and chances are I am not the only one in the dating site. There is got to be at least a few more. I know I will end up attracting them, well only one will do.
“A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.” ― Mae West
8. It is better than a bar. I don’t have to drink, it can be free, you can check out people as much as you want. You can Google their information and sometimes get a whole background on them. Some times I feel like a detective and I like it. I can normally spot a scammer miles away.
9. I get to learn how to deal with rejection and develop a thicker skin. On the rare instance that I hear something that has the potential to hurt me, I think to myself: Consider the source! I also know that if people feel the need to insult or hurt is because they are hurting themselves and therefore they deserve my compassion. I don’t dwell on the negative.
I don’t know how long I will feel the way I feel, but for now online dating for me is harmless entertainment. I feel I do it smart and fair. If I meet somebody special it will be awesome, if I don’t it is okay too! I made friends and I have stories to tell. This is another way in which I think that I am choosing to live my life and not letting life pass me by.
“I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.” William Ernest Henley, Invictus
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
Thank you for sharing this valuable insight. Online dating too often gets bad press despite its uber-practicality.
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You are right, everyone seems to see only the bad side of it. And that is another reason to do it: for its practicability!
A blessed week to you! 🙂
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Thank you for stopping by and liking one of my posts!! Yes, I’m a lot late in replying (sorry!) but everything happens for a reason–your post today resonates with me–I did the online dating thing twice and agree with all of your points, and have similar viewpoints. It helped me grow a lot as a person in so many ways, and learn so much about life, and people, and what i wanted and don’t want. And it provided a lot of material for my own blog posts as well through the years 🙂
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Thank you for stopping by. I could write a book about it, while some people may find some things tragic I find it comical and that keeps me going. “-)
Many blessings to you!
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May the right man finds his way to you very soon. Blessings and smile always *(^___^)*
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Thank you! From your fingers to God’s ears! Many blessings right back to you! 🙂
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Thank you *(^___^)*
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Interesting…
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indeed… 🙂
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🙂
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I really agree with you although I don’t online date. Especially point number four
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I thought I made a good case for it! lol Blessings! 🙂
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I see your adventures with online dating as great fodder for short stories! Date on!
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That is a great idea! I am thinking about it, but I am not sure it will be comedy or drama! 🙂
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I was totally against it at one point, but now I wouldn’t take back all the crazy experiences. It’s definitely helped me grow as a person and with each encounter, I learn more about myself and what I really want in a relationship 🙂
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Hi Beth
There has been some crazy experiences indeed, but I always try to find the good in it.
As long as we are safe online dating can be a good thing!
Many blessings! 🙂
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If I were single, I would dive–no, I would cannonball jump, splashingly–into online dating. Why wouldn’t anyone, when the option is harassing dozens of women in bars, coffee houses, book stores, wherever, awkwardly looking to make some sort of minor connection, presuming that the attraction is mutual. Online dating seems like it would cut through a lot of the clutter–picking from a pool of people who are interested in general and at least curious in particular. Life is too short to lay dormant like a cold volcano–find love, find companionship, find sex or-if you’re really lucky-some combination of the 3. There is no time to dither about propriety or whatever would prevent us. Hell, compared to “cold calling” strangers in bars, internet dating is downright sophisticated.
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hahaha I love your comment!! You have a way with words! Everything I wanted to say but concise and humorous! I completely agree and if feel that online-dating has been given a bum rap.
Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
ps. I wish you were single! 🙂
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I’ve done my share of online dating. I can’t imagine meeting as many men any other way. I’ve had 2 serious relationships that each lasted over two years. Each relationship ended in me getting my heart broken. There are serial daters out there that will tell you anything, but as soon as the word commitment shows up they run. Just be careful and guard your heart. Not sure if I can do it again.
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Hi Sherryl. I am being cautious, it will be hard for me to hand out my heart to anyone again. At the same time I feel that online dating it is good for me at this point. I may change my mind tomorrow or the next time I deal with a jerk, but at this point it seems that is either that or nothing!
Thank you for sharing your experience and a blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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Thanks for sharing your experience. I guess that since you fill out form it helps you to meet people who are similar to you. Have you ever thought about getting involved in activities where you might meet people with similar interests as an additional strategy?
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You are welcome! Thank you for reading it! I don’t really trust their matching system but it is a beginning. I have thought of getting involved in different activities but have not been that successful in finding eligible men in the activities I like. I am going to look again into those MeetUp groups. I will write about my experience. A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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Reblogged this on idealisticrebel and commented:
I hope you find what you are looking for. Hugs, Barbara
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My daughter is marrying the fellow she met – after several that did not work out.
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Awesome! I like a happy ending! Many blessings to her and to you! 🙂
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Hello!
Just came by to explore and read some posts. I seen you took a peek at my blog, so Thanks for coming by. I feel for you. I just turned 51, and I think if I didn’t have such a *Fabulous” caring and supportive husband at this point in my Life, I’d stay single. I sure wouldn’t try to date this days. Would be to “Scary” for me. 🙂
Have you tried your hand as a “Writer”? I became a Published Author on my 50th Birthday! Never give up on reaching your goals at ANY AGE! Just reach for the STARS! As I wrote in my book/memoir….life is short, and I went through a lot of trials in my life, starting as a little girl. So I live each day to the Fullest! Great Post.
Nice to meet you! Hugs & Blessings,
Author, Catherine Lyon 🙂
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Hi Catherine
I am glad you have someone great by your side! it is definitely a scary world out here, but I try to see it as an adventure. I will continue the search being to stubborn to give up, but knowing that it will happen when and if it is supposed to happen.
Congratulations on you being published at 50, such an awesome birthday gift! I look forward to reading it. Being a writer is one of my dreams and at this moment I am hoping that a book idea will find me, well, same as love!
Hugs and blessings right back at you! 🙂
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I’m sure you’ll find your writing idea. The best advice I was given was to “Write What You Know and have Passion for.” For me, that was sharing my Life Story to help others with Recovery from compulsive gambling, live with Mental disorders, and give courage to those who suffered abuse.
I have 2 more to get finished. We all have a “Story” inside us, you’ll find and write yours…. 🙂
I’m here if you need any help at all. *Cat*
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Thank you so much my new friend. I appreciate the great words and motivation. You touched on another point: Passion! I still haven’t found my passion in life so in the mean time I try to be passionate about everything.
You are an inspiration and I am happy to have a new friend! 🙂 Blessings! 🙂
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I recently closed my online dating account because everyone in my area seemed too boring. Or maybe i am just getting too old. But I have met a lot of great friends from online dating. Maybe when I relocate I will try it again.
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well, you are never too old, but I agree there are plenty of boring guys out there. It is disappointing when they write a profile that seems like they are adventurous and interesting. and in person they are the opposite. But my main problem is with communication. So many guys have no idea how to talk to a lady and communicate their needs and wants.
But don’t give up, you never know when the right one comes along.
Blessings! 🙂
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I’m a male and find males generally boring to women. Men don’t get women. They say the wrong things when all she wants is a cuddle and some loving. Perhaps a present (not that it will do much except say “I love you”) or just listen. Massaging is a wonderful way to her heart and leads to loving heat…and takes away momentarily any angst about life’s problems. Moment to moment is how we live. Not all sizes fits all. But love is a universally accepted practice that isn’t practiced much. Online or real…dating and meeting each other is what we do. I prefer older women. They know what to do. Don’t ever feel old. I know young people who feel old. Go figure.
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It is hard to generalize but I kind of agree that women are more complicated than men. I try to be very verbal and clear on what I want but at times realize that the man is often at a loss of what he needs to do. Most often he is willing, but just doesn’t know what to do.
I like to think that I know what to do and I know what I want and I am direct and clear about it, but I think that that some times scare men.
As I age I feel more self assured and yet younger! Youth is definitely wasted on the young!!!
🙂
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A man is logical, whereas a women is emotional. A man wants sex in order to give love. A woman wants love in order to get sex. Meet halfway. The feminist movement have caused women to lose their femininity. When a man has or gets testosterone its because the woman has given him that space…meaning she has been feminine. When a woman has or gets estrogen its because a man is being a male. These two hormones are required for a relationship to work. If either have too much of the opposite, meaning if a woman has more testosterone, then the male feels threatened and vise versa. cheers
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I guess it is not that I FEEL old. But the men my age on dating sites, at least in my area, are boring to me. As in they want to watch TV or hang at a bar when I want to travel and go scuba diving. I have had men write me that they love traveling but then admit they never had a passport. I think I will have better luck meeting a guy at a bookstore or grocery check out line. I am in no rush. Working on my sobriety first. Maybe I will open an online account again. Most likely when I change cities.
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lol I am laughing at the passport comment – I completely agree. Some tell me they like to travel, but when I ask when was their last trip, they say 10 year ago. Perhaps I should ask, do you travel instead of do you like to.
I am glad that you have your priorities in order. I feel the same way in the sense that I have no rush and I feel no pressure about it.
Best of luck and many blessings! 🙂
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If you want a relationship…you most certainly could get into one. Forget the perfect one. It’s an experience. How is the sobriety working out for you?
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I have friends that satisfy all of my needs collectively. Not one person will do that. I haven’t yet found a woman that satisfies all of my needs. Having said that. I don’t need to. As long as a woman is kind, friendly, not mean and sexy…I will enjoy the relationship. I enjoy online dating. I find it no different to dating. The end is that u meet someone nice to be with. And u get to experience all of the wonders of life along the way.
Thanks for your blog.
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Hi Amaezed
Interesting, I really never think of anyone satisfying my needs but I guess the need that I would want satisfied is companionship.
I have been able to find nice guys, but there was no chemistry. Sparks are a must!
Thank you for stopping by!
Blessings! 🙂
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Words are used to communicate our needs. To describe our world. To me, ‘sparks’ means sexuality. The first thing that two people encounter on meeting is sex. Physical. We don’t yet know their history. Personality. Likes and dislikes. All we know is what is in front of us. A smiling physical human. In terms of mating. We both look for qualities for the off-spring. A sexual desire rises/falls with these parameters met/fail. Companionship could be had with a cat/dog. To me the highest quality in women is sexuality. With this comes traits that rescue relationships. No one ever mentions Astrological influences, like they don’t count…and how could they…they don’t work. The daily charts we all like to read isn’t what I mean. After all’s been said and done. There is a window of opportunity to get out of a relationship based on longevity of that relationship that relates to the cosmos. We have monthly tides and woman’s cycles and farmers almanacs that purport as essential in interfacing with each other and nature. We have a disconnect from all those things that help us make good choices in men/woman (hate that word partner, it’s so cold and legal/commercial) for compatibilities sake. We often make wrong choices and suffer as a consequence further on down the line. Attention should be at the start no matter what or how you see or call it. Thanks for commenting.
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wow , great comment. I do agree that spark means sexuality, and I cannot deny that that is an important part of my life that I miss very much. I am very afraid to fall for the first guy that I have chemistry with. I am afraid to be blinded by the neediness and not see all the rest. Still I believe in learning from mistakes and emerging stronger.
Companionship to means means everything, means sex, means support, a should to cry on, a hand to hold.
I am a strong believer in astrology and how it it can help and guide us and I hope to learn more about it.
Thank you for your great insight! Many blessings! 🙂
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I just found your blog and I totally love it. I do agree with your thought on number three which says online dating makes you socialize with other people. I too loves to stay at home and don’t socialize but with online dating, you can meet different types of people and get socialize with them. Thanks for your blog, i learned many things.
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Thank you! Unfortunately or fortunately online dating is one of the ways that I use to force myself to be out there in the world! Many blessings! 🙂
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I always think there’s a person out there whose breathing the same air and looking at the same stars..I just needed to find him..it was worth the wait xxx
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So beautifully put, and exactly what I believe in my heart! And that belief keeps me going!
It will taste that much better when it comes! Blessings! 🙂
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Whilst I know what you mean by that statement, I would caution the use of urban myths. We all look at the stars and breathe the same air…just a though!
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Caution is a good thing always, urban myths, or not! So thank you for the thought! Blessings! 🙂
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One thing I would like to say is this: don’t philosophise too much and scrutinise all and sundries or you will die before you get that ‘right’ person inside your life. I would hate to get to my death bed and say “What was that all about?”…
ps I can “right” and have my life be toast..or…wrong and have my life “work”….is there really any choice?…or do choices choose you?
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One has to analyses a situation but not over-analyse it, hard to know the difference some times. At the same times I listen to my heart (gut) and that has never lead me wrong! A blessed weekend to you! 🙂
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