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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Tag Archives: to tell or not to tell

Be nice and say good bye, don’t just disappear!

21 Friday Jul 2017

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

accepting the unacceptable, cowardly act, disappearing acts, Ghosting, improve your life, need to know why, needing a reason, no good byes, to tell or not to tell, visit a dentist

“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.” – Michael J. Fox

I struggle.  I struggle with not having answers. I need them! I want them!

I struggle with not having good byes.  I struggle with disappearing acts. I struggle with ghosting. Why would someone just fade without a reason?

I don’t want to force people to stay.  I want them to leave if they feel the need to leave.  Stay or go, just tell me what you are doing and I will wish you luck.

It is not the leaving, it is how the leaving is done. It is sudden and unexpected. And in as much it is sudden it is also slow and painful.  The days drag on and you wonder if this is really the end or is the person going to surface and just say they were busy with work, their dog died, they had amnesia, etc.

Ghosting is not only not fair, it is also cruel!  It doesn’t matter how much I have learned, grown and evolved I still need and want answers.  It doesn’t matter how much I don’t care about the person or if they are actually doing me a favor by disappearing, I still want answers.

Disappearance is such a cowardly act. Why not just say good bye?  Why not come up with some excuse if you cannot reveal the truth?  The curiosity gnaws at me.  I want to know why people just disappear.  Is it just easier?

What would happen if everyone in the dating world told the truth, no matter how inconsequential or painful?  Or even better, what if everyone were to become a little bit more honest with everyone in every dealing?  Would we have a better world or chaos?  More harmony or more hurt feelings?

As you can see I am still looking for answers from that “wonderful” man I met.  For a while I still thought he would return and give me a perfect reason for why he disappeared.  It didn’t happen.  Whatever it is I already accepted it as being what is best for me.  It is the Universe conspiring to remove from my life whatever doesn’t belong in it.  Still, having some kind of good bye, rhyme or reason would make things more palatable.

Is “accepting” being able to accept without question?  If that is the case then I still have more leaning to do in “acceptance”.  I accept amidst the struggle.

So, moving on, I have a dilemma that it is somehow related and yet it is not.  It is about volunteering the truth when no one has asked my opinion.  It about dispensing constructive criticism when none was requested.  When to say something and when to keep it to myself?

I went on a date last week with a man that was very nice, but as usual there were no fireworks. He wanted to see me again and I politely declined.  Not only there was no chemistry I also didn’t like how needy he seemed to be.  Anyway, the whole point here is that I think he needs to see a dentist.

His teeth were black in some areas. And when I say black I don’t mean yellow or discolored I mean really black as if rotting. He said he didn’t smoke so I am not sure the cause of it.  I have to point out that I don’t have perfect teeth. I have spent thousands and thousands of dollars in every kind of dental procedure you can think of, none of it cosmetic.  I have done gum graphs, bone graphs, implants, etc, so I am not about to judge someone on the perfection of their teeth.  Also I appreciate imperfection and I refuse to close the small gap in my front teeth to just confirm with everyone’s ideal. But in this case, his case, having blackened teeth sends the message of lack of cleaning.

I think his life, dating and otherwise, would improve drastically if he visited a dentist.  I know he has the means to do it.  The first thing you notice about anyone is normally their smile and once first impression has set in it is hard to change that.  Do I tell him that or do I keep that to myself?  After all he has a mirror and I cannot imagine him not being aware of it.

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” – Confucius

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Birthdays, car choices, honesty and little embarrassments

05 Wednesday Apr 2017

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 31 Comments

Tags

buying or leasing, car decisions, ex-boyfriends, ghosts from the past, Honda HRV, It is my birthday, Jeep Renegade, revisiting the past, Subaru Crosstrek, to tell or not to tell

“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.” – Lewis Carroll

Another birthday and a ghost’s visit!

My birthday came and went on March 28, 2017.  It was uneventful.  Cupcakes at work and that is it.  The “that is it” is not disappointment, it is just what it is.  I was going to treat myself to a massage but it was rainy and cold and I got home and got lazy.

Many of my friends didn’t remember it, and really, I am ok with that, but everyone likes to be remembered.   I forget everyone’s birthday so I never expect anyone to remember mine.

Ex, the one that was the cause of this blog starting sent me 2 emails.

He sent me a long one the day before my birthday.  And on the day he sent me a shorter one talking about how we met. Saying how grateful he was that I said yes and he and his son asked me out to lunch.  I would find it poetic if I was not so annoyed at his audacity.

Why? Why? Why?

Of course I didn’t reply and I will not ever.  It is in the past, I have forgiven and moved on.

***

To be or not to be honest

All has been quiet in the dating area.  I have had a date here and there but nothing that I thought it was worth pursuing.

The last guy that asked me on a second date I turned him down even though the first date was a lot fun.   It was days before my birthday and he even bought me a small gift at the gift shop at the Botanical Garden.

When he asked me on a second date I was honest and said he was great but that I didn’t feel there would be any romance in our future.  He never replied.

Should I have gone on a second date knowing that I had no interest in him romantically?  To me that would be deceitful.  But perhaps if I had gone on a second date it would show to him that at least I had made more of an effort.

 

I never want to waste anybody’s time under false pretenses.

“It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.” – Noel Coward

***

Buy or Lease

I am now serious about getting a second car.  I don’t need 2 cars, but for now I don’t want to sell my 30 year old baby (560SL).  I didn’t get a second car yet because I am having trouble locating a garage or parking space to store my current car.

I think I have decided on the Honda HRV (a tad smaller than the CRV).  The other 2 cars in the running were the Subaru Cross-trek and the Jeep Renegade.  The reasons why those were the cars in the running is because I wanted a small (narrow) car that would drive well in the winter.

I can’t decide if I should buy or lease.  Psychologically I always liked the idea of owning things but this time I am thinking of leasing.

The pros for me about leasing:

  • Smaller monthly payments
  • After 3 years return and get a new one, so I don’t have to deal with repairs as a car gets old

The pros for me about buying:

  • After 3 years I don’t have to worry about returning the car and coming up with another down payment for another lease
  • At the end of 5 years or less (if that is how long I finance) the car is mine

Any advice?  Opinions?

***

To tell or not to tell?

The other day I was with a co-worker at the bagel store as a man passed by me I noticed his zipper was open and I mentioned it to him.

My co-worker, who was a male, looked embarrassed and told me that I should have not said anything.  I asked him: If your zipper was open do you want someone to tell you or not and he said no.  I, on the hand, always want someone to tell me if my zipper is open, if I have food on my teeth or any other potentially embarrassing situation.

What at about you?  Do you want someone to tell you or would you rather find out later on your own?

***

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” – Roy T. Bennett

 

 

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