“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.” – Michael J. Fox
I struggle. I struggle with not having answers. I need them! I want them!
I struggle with not having good byes. I struggle with disappearing acts. I struggle with ghosting. Why would someone just fade without a reason?
I don’t want to force people to stay. I want them to leave if they feel the need to leave. Stay or go, just tell me what you are doing and I will wish you luck.
It is not the leaving, it is how the leaving is done. It is sudden and unexpected. And in as much it is sudden it is also slow and painful. The days drag on and you wonder if this is really the end or is the person going to surface and just say they were busy with work, their dog died, they had amnesia, etc.
Ghosting is not only not fair, it is also cruel! It doesn’t matter how much I have learned, grown and evolved I still need and want answers. It doesn’t matter how much I don’t care about the person or if they are actually doing me a favor by disappearing, I still want answers.
Disappearance is such a cowardly act. Why not just say good bye? Why not come up with some excuse if you cannot reveal the truth? The curiosity gnaws at me. I want to know why people just disappear. Is it just easier?
What would happen if everyone in the dating world told the truth, no matter how inconsequential or painful? Or even better, what if everyone were to become a little bit more honest with everyone in every dealing? Would we have a better world or chaos? More harmony or more hurt feelings?
As you can see I am still looking for answers from that “wonderful” man I met. For a while I still thought he would return and give me a perfect reason for why he disappeared. It didn’t happen. Whatever it is I already accepted it as being what is best for me. It is the Universe conspiring to remove from my life whatever doesn’t belong in it. Still, having some kind of good bye, rhyme or reason would make things more palatable.
Is “accepting” being able to accept without question? If that is the case then I still have more leaning to do in “acceptance”. I accept amidst the struggle.
So, moving on, I have a dilemma that it is somehow related and yet it is not. It is about volunteering the truth when no one has asked my opinion. It about dispensing constructive criticism when none was requested. When to say something and when to keep it to myself?
I went on a date last week with a man that was very nice, but as usual there were no fireworks. He wanted to see me again and I politely declined. Not only there was no chemistry I also didn’t like how needy he seemed to be. Anyway, the whole point here is that I think he needs to see a dentist.
His teeth were black in some areas. And when I say black I don’t mean yellow or discolored I mean really black as if rotting. He said he didn’t smoke so I am not sure the cause of it. I have to point out that I don’t have perfect teeth. I have spent thousands and thousands of dollars in every kind of dental procedure you can think of, none of it cosmetic. I have done gum graphs, bone graphs, implants, etc, so I am not about to judge someone on the perfection of their teeth. Also I appreciate imperfection and I refuse to close the small gap in my front teeth to just confirm with everyone’s ideal. But in this case, his case, having blackened teeth sends the message of lack of cleaning.
I think his life, dating and otherwise, would improve drastically if he visited a dentist. I know he has the means to do it. The first thing you notice about anyone is normally their smile and once first impression has set in it is hard to change that. Do I tell him that or do I keep that to myself? After all he has a mirror and I cannot imagine him not being aware of it.
“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” – Confucius