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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Tag Archives: so in love with the potential

This was March 2022

16 Monday Jan 2023

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

birthday month, dates and such, March, needy people, online dating, potential and possibilities, so in love with the potential, vaccine and boosters

My birthday month. It was a month of many dates.  Many lessons.

There was the Greek guy I went on a few dates with. When I realized that there was definitely no chemistry, I offered friendship. He accepted, or so I thought. After going out as friends with my sister and I, he began the repetitive calling and texting again.  The next time he asked me out I mentioned friendship again. He became defensive, and wanted to convince me that there was chemistry.  I let him vent, but in the end, he realized I was serious.  He stopped calling.

Lesson: People hear what they want to hear.  They create their own stories. Be firm and make sure there are no misunderstandings. 

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” ― George Bernard Shaw

There was the date with the accountant.  Great first date, but he immediately started acting as if we were already a couple.   Already planning the future.  He was talking about expensive vacations, etc.  Too much too soon.  It would have been exciting if we had been going out for a few months; after just one date it is just overwhelming. I mentioned that to him, and just let things fizzle.

Lesson: Nice guy, trying too hard. Oftentimes people are in love with the idea of love, of a partner, and will attach themselves to the first person they meet.

“Any man’s measure is determined by what he will do when he is faced with his own deep need. Not how high he may reach but how low he may kneel.” – J. Otis Yoder, When You Pray

Date with B., the guy I had first had a few dates 5 years before.  We went on a couple of dates and it was seeming more and more like fate.

There were great dates and not so great dates.  I struggled with trying to be in the moment.  I was scared of the potential.  It seemed so meant to be, and at times, it seemed to be such a struggle.

There will be more to come about him…

“But all fairytales have rules, and perhaps it’s their rules that actually distinguish one fairytale from the other. These rules never need to be understood. They only need to be followed. If not, what they promise won’t come true.” ― Jostein Gaarder

In March I got the Covid booster shot to be able to travel to Brazil.  I was extremely conflicted about getting it, but had no choice.  Brazil was not letting anyone in without a vaccine and booster.  The choice was not to go to Brazil and see my family.  And that was no choice.

I remain conflicted about the vaccine. At this point I will not take any additional boosters. I will continue to do all I can to boost my immune system.

“What you think may change what you do, but what is also true is, what you do will change what you think.” ― J.R. Rim

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Relationship Trilogy – Part I: The Potential Fairy-tale

13 Friday May 2022

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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dissecting a relationship, he adores me and I am doubtful, meeting again and having a second chance, so in love with the potential, so much potential, too many compliments, too much attention

“It’s the problem with fairy tales. From far away, they seem so perfect. But up close, they’re just as complicated as real life.” ― Soman Chainani, A World Without Princes

I am in Brazil at the moment staying with my parents so my brother can take a vacation.  I am juggling a few things, and any time life gets crazy I neglect my blog. Forgive me, I am always trying to do better, and be more present.  I will get there.

In the meantime I feel I need to write about my relationship with B.  This is the first of a couple of posts, as it will take me awhile to write all I need to.

If you have been reading my blog you will already know about some of my relationship with B.  It has not been a bed of roses.  We have had our ups and downs.  I kept holding on to the relationship, even though, something, that I couldn’t put my finger on, kept giving me pause. Perhaps the fact that I think that relationships should be easy and fun at the beginning and this one has been a struggle.

I think this is a cautionary tale. A story about falling in love with the potential and promise of a person, and not the reality.  This is about not wanting to give up on something that seems so great and meant to be, and ignoring that little voice inside.

But, before I get to the present moment,  let me recap the last few months for the new readers.

B and I had originally met 5 years ago.  At that time I felt that the reason he disappeared after a few dates was because he was still mourning a wife that had passed away a couple of years before.  I felt he liked me but couldn’t let go the idea of being a victim of a cruel world that took his wife.  He later told me that he thought I was not interested in him because I was spending a lot time with my sister and best friend that were visiting for one month.  

He had stopped calling. I didn’t pursue him.  I was sad but was okay with it.  I felt that if I were to have a relationship with him I would be always competing with a dead wife. No one can compete with a dead spouse that has become a saint.  

Fast forward 5 years to a few months ago when we saw each other again on Bumble.  We reconnected, started talking and after some back and forth and some canceled dates on both sides, we met.

The chemistry was still there and we started dating.  Having a second chance after 5 years felt like a love story!  We both felt that we had wasted 5 years and felt blessed that we now had another chance.

He was kind, thoughtful, opened car doors, brought me flowers, etc.  All seemed perfect, yet something was giving me pause.  I thought it was fear.

“Thorough examination will do the healthy no harm, and it may bless the sick.” ― Charles H. Spurgeon

Fear of hurting him and getting hurt.  I would voice those fears.  I would keep talking about all the potential issues that we would face.  I would ask him not to pressure me and not to give me any reason to run.  I realized I had to change that attitude and made an effort to focus on the now and not overthink things. I didn’t always succeed.

He continued showering with flowers and compliments.  The more compliments he paid,  the more I wanted to run. I didn’t quite know why.  Was I concerned that the 10 years age difference was too much?  Was his eagerness too much, too soon? Was I worried with the fact that he hated airplanes and airports, while I love to fly? Or was I just trying to sabotage this relationship?

Then I went to Brazil for 10 days. Beforehand, I discussed with him the fact that I was going and would bring my mother back with me.  I mentioned that upon my return my time would be limited but I would see him as much as I could.  I asked for his patience and understanding.

While in Brazil I decided to make more of an effort to keep in touch since he often complained that we needed to talk more on the phone. I called him every night to say good night.  Things seemed to be on track.

One day on the phone, when I  was telling him something about my brother’s girlfriend, I accidently said boyfriend when I meant to say brother.  He overreacted. Even after clarifying things and laughing about it, he text me after to make sure that I was being honest with him; wanting to know for sure that I didn’t have a boyfriend. I don’t my honesty being questioned.  He seemed insecure.

At times when we texted, he would complain that my texts lacked warmth, that it seemed I was texting a friend.  I would explain, and remind him,  that this is a brand new relationship, that we are getting to know each other.  I would ask him to realize that I don’t dedicate this much time and attention to any friend. The sheer fact that I was texting him every day showed that I cared and was making an attempt to be in touch.  I felt pressured.  He seemed needy.

At times it felt a bit suffocating, and then I would remind myself of the potential here.  The handsome, successful guy that adored me and wanted to give me the world, was right here wanting me.  A guy with whom I had great chemistry with. And yet something seemed off.

To be continued…

ps. I am disabling comments on this post until the end of the trilogy

“…when somebody says, “I regret nothing,” it’s like you’re willfully not confronting your life. You’re leaving your life unexamined. And I think there’s something in our society that says, Yeah, don’t examine it. Be heedless. Here’s a checklist. Occupy your time and be productive.

I mean, what does it say about us that we regret nothing?”
― Wajahat Ali

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