a convenient woman, an inconvenient man, choosing me, choosing silence, choosing what is best for me, ghosts from the past, making choices, online dating, relationship issues, respecting me
Out of the blue I receive a text from a man I had a date in the past.
He was telling me that he sent me an email and was eagerly waiting my reply. Here is the email:
“Hello. I hope this e mail finds you well and getting ready for the holidays.
I’ve been thinking of you a lot these past few months, and came across our first e mail exchange. It brought back some memories, like that of our first date. Its hard (or not hard) to believe it was more than two years ago.
I realized, too, that we never got too far because I was not focused, nor ready to have you in my life.
Even more recently, I know I made contact with you but did not follow through. I know that made you angry and after I did not follow through with the planning of our date, you asked me not to contact you again.
After giving it a lot of thought, I want you to know that I have NOT EVER forgotten about you, was always extremely interested in you, and wanted you in my life. I still feel the same.
Ana, I want to see you again, see you regularly and see where we can take a relationship. I was unable previously to focus on you because I had not yet ended a relationship that wasn’t good, and needed to be ended, but lingered. I have also made some changes or modifications to my work life so I can have more leisure time, and also my business is now focused in Westchester County (where I believe you live still, New Rochelle?).
Ana, I come to you not knowing what is happening in your personal life-perhaps you’re married now, or whatever, but either way, I was not going to forgo contacting you to ask that you allow me to pursue you (court you? perhaps that’s better) again.
I know its short notice, but I have appointments in Westchester tomorrow and I would like to ask you if you would like to meet me for dinner. I have attached a picture of myself to jog your memory, but if you read the e mail threads, who I was (am) should come back to you.
I look forward to your response and hope it is a positive one. I might hope, too, that you are happy I came back to attempt to be in your life…
I realize I missed a great opportunity with you, Ana, and I would like to reclaim it, as well as a place in your heart.
I am always willing to give people extra chances, but in this case I am just not willing to try again. He has asked for chances before and has never followed through with his promises.
I canceled our first date. After many email exchanges we were eager to meet each other, or so I thought. On the afternoon of the date he says he can meet at 7 in a restaurant downtown (I am in Midtown). He says he has a meeting there at 6 that ends at 7 and then he has a haircut at 8. So he can meet me from 7 to 8.
I was shocked and told him that I didn’t appreciate being sandwiched between appointments. Also he should have taken into account my location and he should be getting a haircut to meet me. He offered to cancel the hair appointment and meet me Midtown, I declined. The deed was done, and the moment was gone for me.
I am not sure how many times he canceled on me until we finally met. And on that instance he was 30 minutes late. I was about to leave. The date was pleasant. After that we had another date that he canceled because he had to take his dog to the vet.
I am not sure what happened after that, but I knew this was a person that I could not count on, and since he couldn’t be free for dates things fizzled.
I remembered he asking me to dinner a prior time when he was in my neck of woods and I ignored. And this time again it seems he is asking simply out of convenience, since he will be in Westchester anyway.
I don’t want to be convenient. I want a man to go out of the way for me.
Although he was an interesting person and we had lots to talk about this is one time where I think that I should just let go and consider tried and done.
But here is my question: Do I reply and say Thanks, but no thanks or do I just ignore it? Even though I want to treat people how I want to be treated which is I always want to be acknowledge and not ignored; in this case I think I will choose silence.
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” -Tupac Shakur