Tag Archives: confrontations

Show it, don’t say it!!

14 Tuesday Feb 2023

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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HAPPY VALENTINES EVERYONE!!

“The deeds you do may be the only sermon some persons will hear today” –― St. Francis Of Assisi

Yesterday, as I was walking to work, I see a man turn a corner, running and screaming towards a school bus. A little boy of around 6 years of age is running behind him.

He is screaming at the top of his lungs at the bus driver while waving his phone.  He is yelling: “7:14 now, not 7:15.”   I am guessing the bus is supposed to leave at 7:15am, and it was leaving a minute early.

I recognize the boy.  I always see him standing with his mother at the corner.  I notice them because the mother is always speaking Portuguese to him.  I assume she is Brazilian. I think to myself: The mother manages to be there early everyday.

“Knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how.” ― Terry Goodkind, Faith of the Fallen

This man is so furious, it is scary.  I am hyper alert now, thinking that I may have to end up calling the police.  Confrontations such as these always terrifies me.  When people can’t control their temper, anything can happen.

I, and some others walking by, slowed down to watch this unfold.

I am glad the female bus driver didn’t engage. I see that she attempted to say something but he was too loud and too furious to hear anything, so she gave up.

The boy got in the bus and walked to his seat.  The driver closed the bus door and proceeded to leave.  The man, still mumbling some choice words, walks along the bus to where the boy was sitting.  He hits on the window, waves and yells “I love you” to the boy.

“Instruction is good for a child; but example is worth more.” – ― Alexandre Dumas, Twenty Years After

Is he serious?  After such a neanderthal display, he thinks that saying I love you will erase how he just behaved.  Or perhaps, even worst, he didn’t even realize what he just did.

He may or may not have been right about the bus schedule, but nothing gives him the right to act in such a way.  Doesn’t he realize the scene he caused? Doesn’t he realize what he is teaching his child?

Is he that way inside his home? With the wife? With the kid?  I cannot picture this man being able to have a civil disagreement.

So many men, and women, are so ill prepared to be parents. Actually, so many people seem ill-prepared to live in society.

“If behavior is contagious, is yours worth catching?” ― Frank Sonnenberg, The Path to a Meaningful Life

I understand the aggravations of the day to day.  I understand bad mornings, but have a little more control of yourself, for the sake of your child and everyone in earshot.

I wish I would have said something, but I was afraid.  This man was so mad it looked like he was going to punch someone.  I am not about to risk my life, unless I really have to.

Parents, don’t just say I love you, show it.  Show love by the way you interact with others.  Show love by respecting others.  The children are our future, we can’t afford to have them think that this is acceptable behavior.

I know I am being judgmental, but watching this yesterday morning really shook me.  This man disturbed my peace, and that of others around.  I felt for the driver.  I also made me realize how easy  “I love yous” are thrown around as bandaids, pacifiers, rewards, weapons, etc.”

“Peace does not mean an absence of conflicts; differences will always be there. Peace means solving these differences through peaceful means; through dialogue, education, knowledge; and through humane ways.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

While we wait…

30 Friday Jun 2017

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.  Delicious Ambiguity.”  – Gilda Radner

I am sorry to keep everyone in suspense, but I am in suspense also.  The brand new guy that seemed heaven-sent all of a sudden doesn’t seem like a sure thing anymore.  I am confused and not sure where things are going.  In the meantime,  while I wait one day to clarify things, I will entertain you with 2 other guys.

First is about the guy that I mentioned in a previous post that took my sister, my friend and me to lunch.  He was a perfect gentleman.  He was super sweet trying to speak Portuguese to my friend that doesn’t speak a word of English.  There was no romantic vibes for me but I thought about giving him a chance for his chivalry alone.

He was going to take a trip out of the country and before leaving he texted and asked me if I wanted chocolate, coffee or dulce de leche from that location and I said all of them.

While he was away I decided to check him out.  I would have done my research before meeting him the first time but because I was going to lunch in a public place and bringing my sister and friend with me I assumed there was no harm.  In my research (Facebook and Google) I see traces of what appears to be a wife or girlfriend in that country.  Often my suspicions are correct.

Now he is back saying he has treats for me and wanting to take me out to dinner.  By now I am really into this new guy and have no intentions of starting anything with anybody else, specially when I am not sure if he is even telling me the truth or not.  A part of me is interested in finding out if he is lying or not.

I mention to every guy that I meet (as conversation always goes that way) that I have been cheated on before and how painful that was.  It is incomprehensible to me that someone would still lie to me after that.  I am tempted to meet him and confront him with my findings.  But what for?

“What is suspicion? It is a tool to ruin one’s own Soul.”  – Dada Bhagwan

***

The second guy is a few years younger than me.  We have been exchanging emails and developed this great email relationship.  He is smart and funny, definitely someone that I would love to be friends with or perhaps more.

But… there seems to be always a but.  He has an eye problem that prevents him from driving and seeing correctly at night.  I know that it may seem like a pretty cold and lame excuse not to want date someone.   I know myself, I hate driving and eventually I would probably starting to resent him for doing all the driving.  He lives over 1 hour away.

I feel bad as it seems I am discriminating against someone with a disability.  How would I fee if I were in his shoes?  I really hate hurting anyone, but at the same time agreeing to meet and starting something just not to hurt someone doesn’t do anyone any favors and will probably do more damage than good in the end.

I have been upfront with him.  He understood it, but countered with “love conquers all”.   We are not in love and I question starting something up already knowing that the chips are stacked against us.  Since then our emails have taken just the friendship tone and if anything the friendship is flourishing.  He has become like a confidant.  Now I question if I am not hurting him by continuing to talk to him knowing that it is just friendship.  Most guys ignore that detail and think there is still a chance.

“A faithful friend is a strong defense; 
And he that hath found him hath found a treasure.” – Louisa May Alcott

Stay tuned for: 1) an Update on this amazing new guy that now has a question mark and 2) Meeting the ex-boyfriend after almost 5 years

 

Be here now and forget the rest!

08 Friday Apr 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.” -Anais Nin

This was another “feeling weird” week.  Perhaps it is PMS or the phase of the moon, or perhaps it is just the aftershocks of turning 50.  Whatever it is I need to escape this feeling, this rut.

Speaking of escape I am leaving for Brazil next week.  Going to see my family always fills me with mixed feelings and anxiety.  It can be the best time ever, but always there is some underlining stupid issue that becomes some drama. This time I am making a point of making it the best trip ever.  I am not going to let anything and/or anyone mess up my trip.  It is not the situation; it is how I let it affect me and how I react to it.  This time I am not letting anything affect me…well  I promise to try.

“Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.” – Epictetus

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“Change comes from confrontation. You have to be confronted or confront yourself.” – Bryant McGill

This week I had a disagreement with the workers at a Cuban restaurant near my job.  I was buying food for a homeless man and wanted them to give me more rice.  They insisted there was plenty of rice in the container and that I would have to buy another container just for rice for $5.00.  I said I had no problem in paying extra but wanted the extra rice in the same container, as well as the broccoli, which they also insisted on putting in another container (there was plenty of room in the same container).  The manager comes over and tells me those are the rules.  I am thinking to myself: is this really happening?  I am willing to pay whatever he wants to charge, I just want everything in the same container.  Does anyone here have common sense? I am saving them money, by not wasting separate containers.  Plus what happened to “the customer is always right”? I had even explained to them that I didn’t want to hand the man 3 containers and thought it would be easier for him to have it all in one. They couldn’t care less what my reasons were.

At that point I had a decision to make. A) I could continue insisting and making more of a scene, B)I could leave the restaurant and go someplace else or  C) I could get the food as is and move on.  I chose C.  I got the plate as is, no extra rice, with the broccoli on the side.  Sometimes one has to forget about feelings and principals and look at the bottom line.  The bottom line was I wanted to buy someone a hot meal on a cold rainy day.  Being right or getting my way was secondary and meaningless.

When I get to the cashier, the girl, who had been watching this whole interaction says to me:  I can put the broccoli in the same container if you want, that is simple. What? Now? After all this? I said: no, thank you, I just want to get out of here.

I think they now think I am this demanding customer, when I am totally the opposite.  Or am I?  And really, what do I care what people think of me?  What is important is that the man had this huge smile on his face when I returned with his food. (I had asked him first if I could buy him lunch, so he had been waiting for it).

“Welcome the present moment as if you had invited it. It is all we ever have so we might as well work with it rather than struggling against it. We might as well make it our friend and teacher rather than our enemy.” – Pema Chodron

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I started using Instagram.  I decided it would be a nice thing to go along with my blog, since for some reason sometimes I cannot add photos to my posts.   I just didn’t realize how much I would enjoy it.

I am the type of person that is always on auto-pilot. I go from one thing to the next without paying attention.  I get things done, I focus on results and often I forget how I got there.  I miss the details and the beauty in them. Instagram is changing that.

Instagram makes me pay attention to details.  I am paying attention to everything.  I see things I have never seen before.  Now I stop and see the flowers.

I used to think that people that took pictures of everything missed the moment.  Now I am one of them and I can tell you I am not missing the moment, I am focusing on the moment.  I am seeing and seizing the moment.

Wishing you all a blessed weekend!  Stop and smell the flowers.  Look around and discover all the hidden treasures!

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” – Henry David Thoreau