Category Archives: Daily Message

But what if?

06 Wednesday Nov 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live.”― Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

But what if?

That thought came to mind as I was crossing the street on the way to the doctor.

What if turns out that I do have something to worry about? What if it is cancer?

What do I do then?  Is there anything to do?  What if I had only a few months or weeks to live? What would I do?

Who would I choose to spend the last moments with?  Any final declarations of love? Anyone I need to say sorry to?

Is there anything left undone? Left unsaid?

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”― Mark Twain

Would I continue to do what is expected of me or would I do only what I want? 

Would I ignore my brain completely and only listen to my heart?

Would I do nothing?

I think I would curl into a ball and cry until there were no more tears left. Then I would get up and go on.  I would probably start making lists of everything that I need my sister to take care of.  Even in my dying I would want things organized and people taken care of.

“Life is for the living.
Death is for the dead.
Let life be like music.
And death a note unsaid.”
― Langston Hughes

No, I am not dying, and no it is not cancer.  Well, I don’t think it is.  I don’t have the results yet, but I am not concerned.

The only certainty in life is that we are all dying at some point.  We just don’t know when.  But when the word cancer makes an appearance in our vocabulary, death becomes a new thought.  Movies with sad story lines keeps coming across my mind.

A lot people are alive but not living. Just breathing doesn’t equal living. But then again, who am I to judge how a person chooses to live?  I sit in an office and stare at a screen for the majority of my days.  That is hardly something worth writing about.

Why do I have death in mind? In July I went to a new ob/gyn because my regular one retired.  The pap smear came back abnormal and she wanted me to get a cervical biopsy.

“Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.” – Mahatma Gandhi

I had an abnormal pap in 2016 and at that time the doctor really had me worried.  She referred me to a specialist at the Cancer Institute. It was nothing.  I think it has been abnormal since then but new doctor probably wants to be thorough.

This time I was so unconcerned that it took me from July until October to schedule the biopsy.  I finally got it done last week.  I only did it because I feared my new doctor would let me go as a patient if I didn’t follow through with her request.

I am not a cry baby and have a high tolerance for pain but it hurt like hell, because, of course, the opening of my cervix is absurdly small.  The doctor said that in the future if I have to have it done again she will give me a couple of pills to insert so that it will make it easier the next day.   That was no consolation at that moment in time.

So there is nothing to worry, until there is something to worry.  Cancer and death were stupid thoughts that sneaked by while I wasn’t looking.

The message is:  We are all going to die one day.  Let’s make the most of today!  Let’s indeed live as if we are dying.

 “Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.” –― Haruki Murakami

Can online dating lead to scam phone calls?

08 Thursday Aug 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating

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I think so!

I have been on dating sites on and off for a long time.  By now I am a pro, or so I like to believe. I go out of my way to be safe and not take chances.  I can normally spot a fake, phony or scam profile a mile away.

But as we are getting smarter online so are the scammers.

In the past I rarely gave my phone number out before meeting someone.  Lately I am more lax about it. If I believe that the person is a real person and serious about meeting I will normally talk or text him before meeting.

I don’t go only by my instincts.  I Google pictures, phone number, parts of the profile, etc.  I play detective, something I enjoy.  It is amazing what one can find online if one digs far enough.

Last week, after I did all my research and thought it was safe, I sent a text to a guy that I had been exchanging messages online.  He never replied.  I looked at his online profile and he was gone. It was very odd.  That had never happened to me before.

I wondered what was the deal.  Why would someone just want my phone number? What for?

This week I think I found out.

Yesterday I got 2 phone calls from 800-325-0778.  A recording said it was from the Social Security Administration and that my social security number was going to be suspended. I was instructed to hit 1 to get more information. Of course I didn’t.

Today I got 2 phones calls from 800-538-9983.  A recording said it was from Apple and that my iCloud account was compromised.  Again I was told to press 1 for more information. Again I didn’t.

I don’t think it is a coincidence.  I think those phone calls are related to the guy that wanted my number and once he got it he disappeared.

1.  If you are online dating, do not give your number out unless you think you know who the person really is. That is what I always did and I will go back to being more strict.

2. If you receive a phone call regarding something sensitive such as social security, credit card, cell phone, etc, never press 1 or any other button.  Just hang up as fast as you can.

3.  Never engage in telephone conversation with anyone that calls with alarming news/information and requesting your personal information. Never ever give out personal information over the phone.

4. Don’t ever call the same number that called you even if seems legit.  Phone numbers can be spoofed and appear legit.  When in doubt it is always best to call the appropriate agency or company directly.

and on that note, I will share the link to a post I wrote years ago about spotting fake profiles: https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2016/10/27/how-to-spot-a-fake-dating-profile/

Living, learning and adapting ♥

“Be silent and safe — silence never betrays you; 
Be true to your word and your work and your friend; 
Put least trust in him who is foremost to praise you,
Nor judge of a road till it draw to the end.” 
― John Boyle O’Reilly

 

When the child becomes the parent

01 Wednesday May 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“The value of a moment is immeasurable. The power of just ONE moment can propel you to success and happiness or chain you to failure and misery.” ― Steve Maraboli

I was in Brazil for 10 days and got back to New York on Friday.  I love going but I love returning even more.  I miss my routine, even the craziness of work.  There is comfort in routine.

On Monday I alerted the auditors that I was back but so far I have not heard anything from them.  I guess they are working on some other firm at the moment.  I just want to be finished and not have it hanging over my head.

My mom again returned with me to stay a couple of weeks.  Mom is 84 today.  She looks amazing.  She has taken great care of herself.  No wrinkles!  But unfortunately her health is not equally that great.

She has to take a lot medication for different ailments.  I am used to her being non-stop, a total dynamo.  It is sad to see that she is not the same energetic person she used to be.  That gives me a lot pause and gets me thinking about my own life and future.

I think she is a good mirror for me to base my actions on.  Seeing her deteriorate reminds me to not to waste time, energy, youth and a healthy body.  This life cycle is finite.

My mom now reminds me to live my life to the fullest, to have more fun, to do more, make more mistakes, celebrate life.

Now that mom’s health is not that great I feel like a parent to a child I never had.  I don’t mean that in a bad way.  I just worry and try to do all I can to make her life easier.  Unlike a child, an older parent gets more dependent as time goes by.

While mom is in town I am getting into work at 6 am and trying to leave at 1pm so she is not alone for long.   So far it has worked.

I am focusing on the blessing of still having my parents!  I am focusing on doing all that I can to make my parent’s life comfortable and still fun.  All the rest are mere details.

Bye, we are now off to the casino 🙂

“Everybody seems to be doing different things but actually they do the same thing: They try to survive in this world, each with their own style!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

Learning to be okay when things are not okay

16 Saturday Mar 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Let nature take its course. By letting each thing act in accordance with its own nature, everything that needs to be done gets done.” ― Lao Tzu

The regulatory agency for my industry audited my firm 4 years ago for the first time.  It was a nightmare.   Now they are knocking on our door again.  They already started requesting documents even though they are not coming into our offices until April 1st.

My stress level is beyond control.  Not that we are doing anything wrong.  We aren’t.  Well, I don’t think we are, but I fear some new regulation that just came to pass and I am not yet aware of it.

There is so much stuff that they ask for.  There is so much information to collect.  So many questions to answer.  So many numbers to explain.  I do everything for the firm, from Human Resources to Finance and everything else in between.  Of course, I am also the Compliance person.  Everything is on me, and that pressure and weight of the situation some times gets to me.

I worry about every little detail.  I try to go over the compliance rules looking for something I may have missed. I am driving myself nuts.

“Only 8% of our worry will come to pass. 92% of our worry is wasted. DON’T PANIC” ― Mark Gorman

This is already my busy time of the year with reports to produce, bonuses to pay, new insurance benefits to choose, etc.  Now that!  Another year that I didn’t take my one week skiing vacation. With all the work stuff and waiting for the closing of the apartment I never found the time to take some time off.

This entire week I have been leaving home at 6:30am and getting back at 9pm.  It is just too much and not healthy.  At times, such as now,  I realize the importance of going on vacation.  Not to run away from problems, but to recharge and relax.

Some people think, erroneously, that a vacation will fix everything.  Wrong!  You come back and the problems are right there, sitting, waiting for you to walk through the door.

“Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” ― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

Instead I rather stay and deal with the problems head on and not run away from it.  So right now I can’t wait for the auditors to come already and do what they need to do.

But you better believe that I will be more diligent about making sure that I get plenty of time away from work.  One needs to make sure to take the time to get away and recharge, have contact with nature, read more, exercise more, and have plenty of time doing nothing.

Stressed or not, life moves on.  I Keep trying to remind myself that it is not what happens to me but how I react to it.  It is hard to remind myself of that while I am in the middle of a crises at the office.

Built into any problem there are amazing opportunities, so my job now is to uncover and discover those hidden blessings in being audited.  If anything, it is just another of life’s attempt to teach me that I am in control of absolutely nothing.

“The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger–but recognize the opportunity.” -― John F. Kennedy

 

Love is coming soon, but dental surgery is here now

14 Thursday Feb 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating, Finding Me

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“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”  ― Paulo Coelho

Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

Valentine’s Day has become one of the most commercial holidays around, but still despite that,  I still enjoy seeing the love in the air.  Men carrying flowers and chocolates home to their wives. Red hearts everywhere.  I love all that.

It is the perfect excuse to think about old friends and reach out and say hi and I love you.  I have done that.  I reached out to some friends and wished them a great holiday!

I don’t have a Valentine tonight but still I am so happy and full of love.  Life is beautiful!  I have so many reason to be grateful!

My plan for tonight is to go get a massage, then have something exciting for dinner.  Which I am not sure what that is yet, but it will be followed by something sweet.

D., the man I have written about before, the one that asked me to be patient while he untangles his life texted me today.  Honestly I was not sure he would think of it. He doesn’t text often and doesn’t text long.  He will send one or 2 texts every 2 or 3 days.

I am surprisingly okay with that.  He mentioned wanting to go real slow.  It is better this way, then to be bombarded with texts while he cannot really make any commitment.  This is really different that what I am used to.  It is worth a shot, specially since it doesn’t really require an investment from me. What have I got to lose?

Today he just wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day and said he is looking forward to seeing me soon.  He also talked about the weather.  He is not in town at the moment.  He is on business trip on the West Coast.  Perhaps he just doesn’t know how to make conversation lol

Stay tuned…

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ― Bob Marley

I am still online dating, but decided not to have any dates tonight.  I have a couple of dates scheduled for the weekend but I am seriously thinking about canceling.   I am not that excited about either one, so it all seems like a waste of time fro them and for me.

Also, I am having yet another dental surgery tomorrow, so I will probably not feel like talking too much over the weekend.  This is a repeat of the laser surgery I had done before.  I thought it had worked, but the area didn’t improve and the x-rays actually say it is worst.

This time it will be even more painful as he will attempt to go even deeper and clean more the area around the implant.   At least it will not be painful in my pockets as he offered to do this again for free.  It is likely that it will not work again and that in 3 to 6 months I will have to go in cut one implant out and do a bone graph in the area in an attempt to save the other 2 implants attached to this troublesome one.  But I need to do all I can to try to save this one implant before I give up on it.

Fingers crossed.  I am asking you all to please send me angels and prayers.  The surgery is scheduled for 12 pm NY time.

Thank you and until then love, love, love and say so!

I leave you with some great words to read and live by:

“Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.” 
― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them

 

Blessings and more blessings

27 Sunday Jan 2019

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

I had been wondering if the buyer of my apartment, who is acting as his own attorney and realtor was getting what he needed done, mostly the title search.  I thought to myself, no sense in stressing over that.  It has only been one week since we signed the contract.  Give it some time before stressing out.  But still our minds sometimes want to play tricks on us and come up with all sorts of crazy scenarios, such as “he changed his mind” or  “he wants to take longer to close”.

Sunday a friend that I speak to once in awhile forwarded me a GoFundMe request for somebody she knows.  I clicked on the link and made a donation.  I then sent her a message mentioning that I would keep that person and situation in my prayers.

She then wrote me back that she was working on the paperwork for the sale of my apartment.  What?  I was shocked.  What is she talking about?  She then explained that she has been working for the title company that is handling the title search and that my name/apartment came across her desk.   I had forgotten that she had mentioned getting a new job with a title company.  I then asked if she could expedite it.  She said that she would, on Tuesday, when she was back in the office after the holiday.

Yesterday morning, Friday, my attorney calls me to tell me that the title search is done.  That was the part that could have taken the longest.  All is needed now is some paperwork from the Condominium management company and we maybe closing next week.

“The unthankful heart discovers no mercies; but the thankful heart will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings.” -― Henry Ward Beecher

It is such a small world.  What are the chances that he would choose specifically the title company that my friend works for?  I believe the answer to that has to do with a few things, but mostly is the Universe paying me back for, among other things, hard work, gratitude, generosity and belief!

Good things come to those that go after what they want.  Good things come to those that work hard.  Good things come to those that do good things.  Good things come to those that are grateful for every little thing they have.  Good things come to those that believe that good things will come their way.

I believe in God (the Universe, Higher Power, the Light, whatever name someone wishes to use).  I believe in miracles, blessings, unicorns, stars on the forehead, etc.  I believe in signs from the Universe. I believe I will always be okay no matter what.

The Universe sent me peace of mind, it put people in my way to expedite my plans, it continues to provide for me.  I am feeling so special and grateful!

I choose to believe that everything is a miracle and I live as such!

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” -― Albert Einstein

 

A blonde and a pig walking down the street

17 Monday Sep 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“A disciplined mind leads to happiness, and an undisciplined mind leads to suffering.” – Dalai Lama XIV 

A, my friend who is a natural doctor, hadn’t been feeling well the past couple of months. He was not even up to meeting up. He is one of the healthiest and upbeat person that I know, so I was worried.  He treats his body, mind and soul extremely well. He meditates, he eats right, reads the rights books. He surrounds himself with things that promote his well-being.  I am envious of his discipline.  It is hard to hear that he is not well, so I tried to keep in touch encouraging him texting some quotes every now and then.

Finally his mood and overall well-being improved enough that we met for breakfast. It was like old times. We have the best talks ever. Long conversations about the joys and difficulties of life.

After breakfast we went to Mrs Greens. Food shopping with him is an event.  He will read every label and tell me what is good for me and why.

He mentioned being invited to a backyard party that evening but he wasn’t sure if he would go.  He asked if he decided to go if I would go with him.  Originally I said no as I thought I was going to have a date that evening.

Later when I realized that I had gotten some dates mixed up, I texted him and said that we should go.  After he agreed I got a bit apprehensive about going somewhere that I knew no one and wasn’t even invited.  I know the benefits of getting out of my shell and I also know that I can make conversation with a doorknob and have it answer me back so I knew I would be okay.

“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” – Bill Nye

And the party was better than okay, it was a lot fun!!

It was a very small get together.  It was at the house of a renowned Broadway producer/talent scout/ among many other things.  I don’t want to mention his name or the guest’s names as I am always leery of invading someone’s privacy. His guests included a classical musician and her husband, a lawyer, a published writer, an older retired couple that I assume had theater connections and a neighbor.  There was also a bunch of young aspiring performing artists that were his interns and were helping with the party.

We ate great food and drank great wine.  I even attempted to smoke a cigar but failed miserably as I am not a smoker of anything. The writer talked about overcoming drug addiction and homelessness and becoming a writer.  I love listening to writers and also to attorneys as I am fascinated by both professions.   The attorney didn’t talk about his profession. He pretty much acted like I do when someone asks me to talk about mine… there is nothing interesting to talk about.

Soon the evening turned into a joke telling festival.  I am not sure how it got started but I told the first joke.  It was a joke about a blonde.  I am the worst at telling jokes and I only know one or two anyway.  We didn’t stay very late as my friend had to work early the next day.

There was kissing when he dropped me off at my building door.  I need to stop this business of “kissing my friend”.  I really appreciate the friendship and don’t want to mess that up.  If I had to choose between a friendship or a romantic relationship with him I would choose the friendship.

Oh well, a kiss is not the end of the world. I will close my mouth next time.

“We are who we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” Kurt Vonnegut

And here is the stupid joke I told:   A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”
The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!” .

Life is here and now!

29 Wednesday Aug 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.” – Steve Maraboli

There are calls to return, tenants to pacify, appointments to get to, passports to renew, tickets to buy, trips to organize, emails to write, deadlines to meet at work, and a whole host of other things to do, with new items added daily.

There is always a decision to be made  and some place I need to be.  There is always something needing my attention and a fire to put out.

With each item off of my list I feel this enormous sense of accomplishment… only to add another 2 items to it.

I think to myself:  When I am done with this and that thing then I will get to relax. When I solve this and that problem I will get to have fun and enjoy my life.

The stories I tell myself always start with “When”:

When I lose weight…

When I find the One…

When my hip gets healed…

When I get that big bonus at work…

When I learn to speak French…

What foolishness! What a bunch of lies.

I forget 1 thing:  All of this doing, going to doctors, waiting in line, returning phone calls, searching for the One, working, trying to lose weight, failing at losing weight, etc, etc… All of this busyness is LIFE!

Life is happening now, and it is beautiful.  Ralph Waldo Emerson was absolutely right when he said: “Life is a journey, not a destination”

In trying so hard to get somewhere, some invisible destination, some goal, perhaps unattainable, I lose the beauty of the moment, I lose the present.  I miss the details, I miss the simplicity.

I forget to be here Now because I am too busy being there in the Future.  I get lost in the busyness of the moment, not realizing that that very moment is a blessing.

There will always be something to do, some hurdle to jump, some obstacle to overcome.  After one deadline is met there is always another one to meet. That is how life works.

How boring it would be if there were nothing to do and if there were no challenges.  I think there is some old saying that goes something like this: “calm waters don’t make great sailors”.  I think we all strive to be great sailors in this huge ocean called life.

So here is to being more present and enjoying every moment, even if difficult.  I will remind myself that the more life throws at me the better I become.  I am on the way to invincibility.

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” – Steve Maraboli

 

It is just a train.

23 Thursday Aug 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.” -Kurt Vonnegut

Yesterday I missed the train by seconds.

It is a weird feeling.  To watch it close its doors while you are steps away.  You watch it leave and leave you behind.

You feel unwanted.  You feel neglected.  You feel forgotten. You feel silly and foolish.  You feel as if you did something wrong.

What is the message here?

Do I need to get up earlier?  Do I need to walk faster?  I had gotten up at the same time I normally do and walked at the same speed I normally do. Did the train leave early?

This morning I got up earlier.  I walked faster.  I got to the train station earlier.  I waited and waited.

The train was 10 minutes late! 🙂

What is the message here?

Maybe there is no message.  It is just a train behaving like a train.

Life is such a joker!

Tomorrow… tomorrow we don’t know yet.

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” – Leo Tolstoy