Category Archives: Daily Message

That is the way the cookie crumbles

29 Wednesday Dec 2021

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“The major problem of life is learning how to handle the costly interruptions. The door that slams shut, the plan that got sidetracked, the marriage that failed. Or that lovely poem that didn’t get written because someone knocked on the door.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

My New Year’s was going to be awesome.  I was going to be at The Gray Barn Inn at Woodstock Farm Sanctuary.  A friend won an Instagram contest and was awarded the entire Inn for 5 days over New Year’s weekend.   She invited my sister and I to tag along.

We were going to have delicious breakfast prepared by the Inn, and then we would explore all the beautiful surrounding.  There is so much to do in the area.  Beautiful parks to visit, quaint streets to walk, charming shops to browse, and a host of different restaurants to try.

Instead, this is what I am looking at:

I tested positive for SARS-CoV-2.

I started getting some symptoms on Sunday morning, and yesterday I finally gave in and took a home test that was positive.  Then later I went to a pharmacy and they confirmed it.  

Note that my bowl of soup on the picture above is resting on paperwork.  Unfortunately, even though I feel lousy, I still have to work.  My assistant is on vacation and the daily contracts need to go out.

“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.” ― Robert Frost

I have to unpack my packed suitcase.   I see stuff to do all over.  Zero energy.

I have a very sore throat, headache and body aches.  I was hoping to quickly lose 5 pounds, but I haven’t lost my appetite.  I am actually hungrier than usual. 

But, oh well, that is the way the cookie crumbles.  Not everything will go according to plans.  Still, life is beautiful and I am happy.  I am still feeling blessed!  My gratitude list is immense!  

I hope everyone is healthy out there!  Love, light and hugs to all! ♥♥♥

“And the more I think about it, the more frustrated I get by the entire concept of a backup plan. Because it only ever seems to pertain to people who are interested in art, music, theater–and yes, the circus. Nobody would ever dream of going up to someone in medical school and telling them, ‘Gee, I really think you should have a backup plan. You know, just in case this doesn’t work out for you.” ― Akemi Dawn Bowman, Harley in the Sky

 

He came with pink flowers

22 Wednesday Dec 2021

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I forgot to mention on my last post that J. brought me flowers on the second date.

My nails had pink polish on the first date, and he complimented them.  I mentioned liking pink nail polish and he assumed I liked all things pink. 

So he chose pink flowers. I appreciated the gesture. It is always special to receive flowers, no matter what color.

We are going on the 3rd date tonight.  We haven’t decided where to go yet, as I am not sure what time I will be able to leave work.  He mentioned dinner and a movie again, but I think it will be too much since I have to be up very early tomorrow.

He reaches out every day, and continues to say all the right things.  I am still skeptical, but I plan on:

  • Proceed with caution, but not forget to enjoy the moment  
  • Speak up – Say what I need and want. Don’t expect him to read my mind.
  • Ask questions  – when is doubt, ask.  If something is bothering, talk about it
  • Keep fear and doubts at bay – Not let the fear of getting hurt sabotage a potential good thing.  Acknowledge the fear, but not let it paralyze me. 
  • Not look at everything as a red flag.  Don’t assume the worst.  Look and assess the evidence.
  • Listen to my instincts – they are very good at guiding me.

“THE WEATHER OF LOVE

Love
Has a way of wilting
Or blossoming
At the strangest,
Most unpredictable hour.
This is how love is,
An uncontrollable beast
In the form of a flower.
The sun does not always shine on it.
Nor does the rain always pour on it
Nor should it always get beaten by a storm.
Love does not always emit the sweetest scents,
And sometimes it can sting with its thorns.
Water it.
Give it plenty of sunlight.
Nurture it,
And the flower of love will
Outlive you.
Neglect it or keep dissecting it,
And its petals will quickly curl up and die.
This is how love is,
Perfection is a delusional vision.
So love the person who loves you
Unconditionally,
And abandon the one
Who only loves you
Under favorable
Conditions.”
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

Two dates in two days, with the same person. And he didn’t disappear yet.

20 Monday Dec 2021

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“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.” ― Shel Silverstein

 J is 56, smart, successful and funny. A gentleman in every way.

First date: Friday, December 17. Location: Kouzina Taverna in Stamford, CT.
To drink I had the Santorini Spritz: Ramazotti Blood Orange & Hibiscus Aperivo, Absolut Grapefruit Flavored Vodka, La Marca Prosecco. It was delicious. He had diet coke.

We shared the fried cheese and the zucchini/Feta balls for appetizers. For entrees, he had the octopus and I had moussaka. For dessert I had chocolate mousse cake.  Everything was really delicious!

I got there a few minutes before he did. I was blessed with a parking spot right in front of the restaurant. Yes, in these parts finding a parking space is something to be happy about. He came in a few minutes later, thinking, that because I am Brazilian, I was going to be late. That should teach him not to assume things.

We had a great time from the start. Our conversation ran the gamut from our families and childhood to the politics and the state of the world. We respectfully disagreed on a couple of things. 

After a 3 hour dinner, we took a walk around the block. He asked me out for the next evening. I said yes.

“If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never. And what wine is so sparkling, what so fragrant, what so intoxicating, as possibility!” ― Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life

Second date: Saturday, December 18. Location: Alvin and Friends, New Rochelle, NY.

For appetizer we had cod fritters and corn bread. Then I had the ribs with macaroni and cheese, and he had oxtail with rice. We had no dessert, as we were running late to catch a movie.

Again, similar to the evening before, there was no awkward moment or lack of conversation. He asked the waiter to take our picture. I was okay with it and the picture came out great.

After dinner, we walked to the movie theater. We saw House of Gucci. I was not bored. It was entertaining, but I expected so much more from the story.

After dinner he dropped me off at my door.  There was a couple of kisses good bye.  He asked me out for this Wednesday night. I said yes today.  We just have to decide where and what time.

He has been the perfect gentleman. If there is anything that gives me pause is the fact that he seems to like me a lot from the start.   He keeps saying how great I am.  I asked him to slow down. I said: “I am even more amazing than you think, but you don’t know that yet”.  Yes, I am my biggest fan lol

In all seriousness, I asked him to slow down, so we get to know each other. Chances are that what he calls adorable, will annoy him in a few more dates. Perhaps he will disappear. Or I will disappear. 

I will talk to him again. If he doesn’t slow down, I will run.  I know myself, I can’t feel pressured.  I am always leery of someone liking me so much right away.

“Don’t be afraid to be confused. Try to remain permanently confused. Anything is possible. Stay open, forever, so open it hurts, and then open up some more, until the day you die, world without end, amen.” ― George Saunders, The Braindead Megaphone

Let It Be

15 Wednesday Dec 2021

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Paul McCartney has said that he wrote this song after waking up from a dream where his mother came to him and spoke reassuring words.  At the time he was going  through a period of anxiety and paranoia.  Her words lifted him up from that dark place and brought him peace.
 
This is a song of letting go of burdens and doubts and embracing positivity.
 
It is a reminder to me, not to carry anything negative.  It is a good time to stop and shake things up that are holding us down and back. 
 
Let it go and Let it be!
 
Let it Be – Paul McCartney
 
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be, be
And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shinin’ until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Life is a never-ending to-do list, and still, it is only a breath

14 Tuesday Dec 2021

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Applausi Osteria, Old Greenwich, CTApplausi Osteria, Old Greenwich, CT

Last weekend in a few sentences:

Friday night:
Applausi Osteria, Old Greenwich, CT.  Anthony, my friend of several years, and I were celebrating his birthday. We always have the best time anywhere we go. This time was not different. The conversation is always inspiring.

The food was delicious.  He had the potato leek soup, then a gluten free pasta with tomato sauce. I had arugula salad with cherry tomatoes, and then eggplant parmigiana. 

“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Saturday:
Mosaic Studio. I am so glad that the studio re-opened.  I was able to finish a piece that I have started several weeks ago. I will be posting it shortly.  The studio is really my happy place.  No matter how bad my pieces turn out, I am so in love with them.  I am in love creating.  Who knew I can be creative?

Costco. Yes, I lost my senses for a moment and agreed to go to Costco on a Saturday.  Yes, it was nuts.  How can you walk in Costco to pick a couple of items and a hour later you are staring at a cartful and a $400 bill? I am always shocked, but it happens every time.

Room for rent. My cousin is staying with me until he finds an apartment or a room to rent. We went to see a place and it was so great that I wanted to move there. The lady was so kind.  Her house was so clean and she had at least 100 plants all around. He is still deciding if that is the right place for him.

“I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson, Travels with a Donkey in the Cévennes

Sunday:
Sonora Restaurant, Port Chester, NY: My sister and I, plus 4 other girls went there for brunch. It was fun and delicious. The girls ranged in age from 40 to 59, and conversation centered mostly about all the travels that we want to do. Some of the places that we are planning on are: Las Vegas, Scotland, and Dubai.

We had all kinds of tapas: shrimp, tacos, croquettes, flatbreads, etc. Some of the ladies had some egg and steak dishes. We all shared a couple of pitchers of mango sangria. Perfect!

Organizing.  The organizations of my closets and drawers is a never-ending project.  I love the idea of simplifying and minimizing.  It feels very freeing to get rid of material stuff.  I am begging my sister not to give me anything for Christmas.  I want to finish all the cosmetics, clothes, shoes, etc, that I have, and then start over with only items I truly love.

“It is best as one grows older to strip oneself of possessions, to shed oneself downward like a tree, to be almost wholly earth before one dies.” ― Sylvia Townsend Warner, Lolly Willowes

Life is a breath. The rest of the day was mostly rest and tv, and getting some Christmas cash cards done. It was sad to realize that, from the 7 workers that compose the staff in the building I live at, 2 are no longer with us. One was a victim of cancer and the other of Covid. I miss them both daily.

We owe the people gone too soon, not to waste a single moment in regret or anger.  Do good if you can, but if not, do not do any harm. Have fun, laugh more, live it up!!

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ― Mark Twain

Ghosting is not okay!

09 Thursday Dec 2021

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“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” ― Andy Rooney

After I published the last post, I received a reply to my text:

The rest of the text reads: “soon as I felt it, but it just very recently has happened.”

At least he replied, but I still think that was a rude and coward move. I guess he was never going to say anything.  Ghosting was his chosen way to end things. 

Why leave me thinking that he is going to call? Why not contact me?  Why leave someone in limbo?

Am I being unreasonable to expect someone to let me know that they have changed their mind?  

I have no expectations after one date, good or not.  But if I have 2 dates that were great and the person keeps in touch and mentions a third; in that case I believe we have something and expect at least a courtesy text.

What saddens me, is not the rejection, but the fact that people think this is an acceptable way to treat each other.   It will never be acceptable to me.

I will not behave in such way, and I will not accept it as being okay.  I will continue to conduct myself in dating, as I do in life, with kindness, respect and thoughtfulness. I will continue to let the Golden Rule guide me.

I should write an online dating etiquette guide. I believe a lot people are just clueless, and perhaps not mean spirited. 

Onward and forward.  Stay tuned, the next post is about my date last night.

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” ― Roy T. Bennett

Nothing better than good food and good friends

01 Wednesday Dec 2021

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“If you’re reading this…
Congratulations, you’re alive.
If that’s not something to smile about,
then I don’t know what is.”
― Chad Sugg, Monsters Under Your Head

Happy December!  Last month of the year, can you believe that?  I can’t.  This year has been a blur, similar to 2020.

Will 2022 be different, or will the craziness just continue, or even get worst?

Last week we met friends in Westerly, RI and Framingham, MA.  We spent time at Foxwoods in CT and Encore in Boston.  We had great meals and so much fun. Perhaps a bit too much eating.

I took no pictures anywhere, except at Encore Casino in Boston.  I am just awful at remembering to take pictures. 

Some good meals were had at Guy Fieri’s Foxwoods-CT, Mystique Encore-MA, Bridge Restaurant Westerly-RI, plus both of my friends cooked divine meals. And don’t let me forget Shake Shack 🙂

If you are ever near Marlborough, MA, you need to stop by a Brazilian bakery called Deg’s Cakes.  Try the Pao de Queijo (Cheese bread) and Bolo Prestigio (chocolate cake with coconut filling and ganache frosting). 

“We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.”
― David Mamet, Boston Marriage

“We have the choice to use the gift of our life to make the world a better place.” ― Jane Goodall

“Be the reason someone smiles. Be the reason someone feels loved and believes in the goodness in people.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

“Every man who has shown the world the way to beauty, to true culture, has been a rebel, a ‘universal’ without patriotism, without home who has found his people everywhere.” ― Chaim Potok

“It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

“At this very moment enormous numbers of intelligent men and women of goodwill are trying to build a better world. But problems are born faster than they can be solved.” ― B.F. Skinner, Walden Two

“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”
― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

“Don’t Just

Don’t just learn, experience.
Don’t just read, absorb.
Don’t just change, transform.
Don’t just relate, advocate.
Don’t just promise, prove.
Don’t just criticize, encourage.
Don’t just think, ponder.
Don’t just take, give.
Don’t just see, feel.
Don’t just dream, do.
Don’t just hear, listen.
Don’t just talk, act.
Don’t just tell, show.
Don’t just exist, live.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

 

 

Be like a gardener to those around: Give them attention and be patient, and they will blossom

19 Friday Nov 2021

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I am so in love with my plants at the office.  Perhaps I have a green thumb like my mom.

I always wanted to have an office with plants, but I had no motivation to have them before.  We had too many people, with too many opinions. 

Now the opinionated ones are working from home, and don’t want to return to the office.  Thank Heavens! I couldn’t be happier.

“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.” ― John Muir

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” ― Robert Louis Stevenson

“There’s something satisfying about getting your hands in the soil.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri, Vocation of a Gadfly

“The planting of a tree, especially one of the long-living hardwood trees, is a gift which you can make to posterity at almost no cost and with almost no trouble, and if the tree takes root it will far outlive the visible effect of any of your other actions, good or evil.” ― George Orwell

“What’s growing around you is what you planted. Therefore, if you don’t like the plants, change the seeds.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough

 

“A thing which I regret, and which I will try to remedy some time, is that I have never in my life planted a walnut. Nobody does plant them nowadays—when you see a walnut it is almost invariably an old tree. If you plant a walnut you are planting it for your grandchildren, and who cares a damn for his grandchildren?” ― George Orwell

Accepting, being grateful and moving on to a date with a new guy :-)

10 Wednesday Nov 2021

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“Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know.” ― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

Before I get to my date report I need to admit that I am still annoyed and disappointed about D.’s silence. Yet, I am not surprised.  Somehow I knew it the moment he canceled it.  As the hours passes and the silence increases it is just a confirmation that silence is his way of saying he changed his mind.  

I know we only had 2 dates, but it all about the sparks, the conversation, it was all about the huge potential.  I also knew that I was already seeing some potential issues. I worried about the difficult daughter.  I worried about the weird multiple jobs.

“Things change, so I have to change too.”
― Adam Scythe, Immortals, Vol. III.

I don’t like how he has chosen to do it, but I must accept.  I will never understand ghosting someone.  Why not send a quick text and say:  “ I changed my mind”.

Still, I remind myself of the agreement I have with my Guardian Angels.  They are allowed to take anyone and anything from my life that it is not and will not be good for me.  No questions asked.  It doesn’t need to make sense.

So, the situation with D.  doesn’t make sense to me, but if am to look back at my blog, there were many others unexplained disappearing acts. I am accepting it, thanking my guardian angels and moving on to the next.  There is always a next!

“It poured with rain the day I left. But I was filled with excitement, a strange exuberant sense of taking wing. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew what I needed. I needed a new land, a new race, a new language; and although I couldn’t have put it into words then, I needed a new mystery.” ― John Fowles, The Magus

Moving on to the date.

We met at 6:30pm at Sergio’s Restaurant in Pelham, NY.  It is a very beautiful and classy restaurant.  I was surprised that it was such a busy place on a Monday night.

I got there and he was already seated.  He got up and came to meet me.  We hugged hello.  He was handsome and looked like his pictures.  He had a white shirt and tie.  He wears one for work, but he mentioned he likes to dress well.

The conversation flowed.  He was a perfect gentleman.  He said I was beautiful two times.  I love compliments, but if it is too much, it makes me want to run.  I am glad he stopped at two.

To drink, he had an old fashioned and I had a cosmopolitan. My drink was delicious.  If I were not driving, I would have had a second one.

We didn’t want appetizers, and we both ordered the short ribs with risotto.  For dessert we shared a tiramisu and a napoleon, and they were both divine.

“All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.”  ― Mae West, Wit & Wisdom of Mae West

He is 52 years old and owns a funeral home. He has an amazing relationship with his 3 daughters.  Two are living on their own and a 14-year-old lives with him. He has been divorced for 8 years and gets along well with the ex-wife. 

We were at the restaurant for 3 hours.  At the end he walked me to my car, and I gave him a ride to his car around the corner.  When he was exiting my car he kissed me good bye. Then turned back and kissed me again.  It was just a couple of pecks on the lips.  

I am not sure if there are enough sparks. He is such a sweet person, such a gentleman, that I think it is worth a second date.  I am keeping an open mind.

“One can begin so many things with a new person! – even begin to be a better man.” ― George Eliot, Middlemarch

 

There we go again :-)

08 Monday Nov 2021

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“I might not yet be falling in love, but I might be flirting with the promise of love, the idea of love, the making of a place in my heart for love, though it may have been more a wish than a promise.”  ― Diane Meier, The Season of Second Chances

I have yet to see D. for a third date.  After the two successful dates, it is proving difficult for him to find the time to meet up.

He wanted to meet one day last week for lunch. I had deadlines at work and couldn’t leave.  I also don’t really like meeting up for lunch during the week.  I feel rushed having to go back to the office. 

Then on Friday night he asked me out for a late breakfast the following day.  It was last minute, but as faith would have my mosaic time at the studio had been canceled. So it seemed perfect.

We agreed on time.  He would pick me up and we would drive to a neighboring town.

Then Saturday morning this:

I was a little disappointed about the cancelation, and the fact that he has not contacted me again.  Last night I sent a quick hi, but heard nothing back.

I know he has been busier than usual with some issues. His ex-father in law passed away, and he had to provide support. I also know that his 17 year old daughter has issues, so he tries to really be there for her.  I understand and appreciate that.

BUT,

To me it is very simple. If he is not making more of an effort to see me then he is probably not that interested. 

He had mentioned that he has been divorced for 4 years and that he has waited until now to date because of his daughters.  Now the oldest one is in college and the 17 year old is soon to be off to college also.  Perhaps he should have waited another 6 months longer. 

I know it is very early to make this conclusion but I will not be surprised if I never hear from him again.  This is the nature of online dating.  People change their minds, and find it easier to just go silent.  

We bet on a game last week and I lost, so I owe him dinner. Perhaps he will want to collect.

It is disappointing because he seemed to be into me, as much as I was into him. We are both Aries, but I seem to be the more impatient of the two.  

If he can’t find the time for a third date, how could we ever make a relationship work?  I don’t want a partner that I will see once every other week.

While I am still trying to live in, and enjoy, the moment and have no expectations, I still want to feel important in somebody’s life.  Yes, even after only 2 dates!

**

“A bruise is a lesson… and each lesson makes us better.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

and we keep going 🙂

Tonight I will be going on a date with a 52 year old, owner of a funeral home. I have met him on Bumble at the same time I met D., but I had not put much effort in meeting him until now. 

He seems like a nice guy.  He is divorced with 3 daughters.  The youngest is 14 years old.  I don’t know a lot about him.  I know he loves a couple of sports teams and travels around to see them play often. 

We shall see… I will report back tomorrow.

“Great things happen to those who don’t stop believing, trying, learning, and being grateful.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart