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“Climb up the stairs cheerfully, climb down the stairs cheerfully! Let your mind is unaffected by the ups and downs of life!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

I returned from Brazil feeling that B and I were on a good path.  Even though I was exhausted I went to B’s house for dinner on the same day I returned.  Here is the post about it: https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2022/04/21/on-off-or-just-dimmed/

I will summarize it here: We were very happy to see each other and all was great until I announced I was leaving.  He was annoyed and started complaining that I was not staying over.

I thought he would be happy that I went to see him on the same day I returned from Brazil; instead he went on and on about how disappointed and hurt he was.  He said I was not making him feel special and I was not making him a priority.  

I was shocked with all he was saying and how he was behaving.  I didn’t even know how to respond. We had already had a conversation about my limited time, about the fact that my mom would be a priority. 

I cried out of frustration and confusion.  I left not knowing where we stood.  After that evening I texted him asking if we were on or off.  He said he was hurt but looking forward to seeing me again.  We texted back and forth, and talked on the phone a couple of times.  It was frustrating, as it seemed there is so much miscommunication. He seemed to always miss the point. Still we managed to move forward.

For the next date I went to his house and we ordered Chinese food.  I had a lot to talk about. I had a lot to say, and I did.  He apologized and said he got angry because he likes me a lot and wants to see me often.  He promised he would be more understanding of my limited time.

The next time we met was for our 2 month dating anniversary. It didn’t start well, as I was in a foul mood for some reason. Here is the post: https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2022/04/27/nothing-to-be-proud-of/

Even though I was moody in the beginning of the evening, we were able to talk it out and went ahead and had a great evening.  Something still was giving me pause, but still we seemed to be in a good place again.

On a Friday morning I left for a weekend trip to the casino for my mom’s birthday weekend. B and I texted throughout Friday and Saturday morning.  Then all of a sudden he went silent.

I could sense something was off.  I texted asking if all was okay. Here is the texts:

I was in shock when I read that.   It made no sense at all.  What was he talking about? 

My sister said I  should have called him on Friday night. I disagree.  I had no problem calling, but I didn’t think of.  Plus, I mentioned to him countless times, that he can always call me if he wants.  Even if I had promised to call and didn’t, it was no reason for this behavior.

Even though my sister was making me have doubts about my role in this situation, I didn’t reply and decided I was done with his outbursts out of nowhere.  I was also mad with his language. His behavior was way over the top and unreasonable.

“That’s the way life is sometimes: you can fix things up, but you can’t make them all better.” ― Amy Joy, The Academie

I was getting tired of this push-pull behavior.  One minute he says he loves me, and the next he is done. I didn’t reply and was okay with never hearing from him again.

Two days later he wrote and said sorry. I relented. He said he liked me so much and only wanted us to be in touch more often.  He said that all my texting felt like I was texting a friend.

I agreed to try again. How could I let go of what I thought had so much potential? I had to give him another chance.  He apologized.  I mentioned to him that his behavior was scary and uncalled for.  I said that his behavior felt abusive and bipolar. He was shocked to hear that and I wondered if I was not being over sensitive.  But I can only go with my feelings and this push and pull of this relationship was messing up my mind.

We met to say good bye as I was getting ready for my trip to Brazil and he was getting ready to get his daughter from college. Here is the post about it: https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2022/05/07/come-over-come-over-come-over/

We seemed to be back on track. I was going to be away in Brazil and he was going to be busy with his daughter. We said goodbye. I felt good; we were in a good place.

We continued texting and talking on the phone. I didn’t think I was going to see him again before leaving, but on Sunday when he said he could perhaps meet, I agreed.  Then he said that perhaps it was better to do it on Monday because it was Mother’s Day and his daughter was having a hard time.  I agreed.

Then later when I texted to touch base, he said he could actually meet on Sunday. By then I had already rearranged my schedule and couldn’t do it.  I told him and I got this response:

I was not sure how to take that last line.  I was going to text LOL back, but it didn’t seem like a joke, so I decided not to reply right away.

Then, I get an additional text that was shocking to me.

to be continued…

ps. Comments will be disabled until the next post. (If I figure out how to do it) Are you listening Rob?