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“If I cease searching, then, woe is me, I am lost. That is how I look at it – keep going, keep going come what may.”  – Vincent van Gogh, The Letters of Vincent van Gogh

Update on the post entitled “3 Last Dates”:

The attorney.  We met again one night when I was out with my sister and a friend.  We are supposed to go out for a drink this week.

I suspect he is on the cheaper side as he says:  “let’s go for a drink, something simple, not complicated”.  I think that “not complicated” means cheap.

I don’t need a guy to spend money on me but when he is going out of his way to be cheap this early on it makes me wonder what will happen later on in the relationship.

Clearly he likes me, so I am not sure why he doesn’t want to go to dinner and spend more time together. Perhaps I am just spoiled because most of my dates include dinner.

I am still not sure how I feel about him but I figure there is no harm in meeting a third time.

The data architect.  He seems like a great guy, always keeping in touch.  He has been trying to see me but we haven’t been able to set a date.  I have been busy with my sister and a friend.  When I was free he had to go away for business.

He just returned to town today and texted me mentioning we should get together.  I need to choose an evening to meet.

I am still not sure how I feel about him.  I will probably meet up for a second time if we find the time.

The Real Estate Agent

We exchanged a few messages after that first date, but then he just faded away.  I think he expected me to contact him.  I didn’t.  I wan’t that interested and didn’t want to lead him on.

“What should I possibly have to tell you, oh venerable one? Perhaps that you’re searching far too much? That in all that searching, you don’t find the time for finding?” – Herman Hesse, Siddhartha

In the meantime I met somebody else.  He is 10 years older than I am. He was a software salesman but now makes money by trading stocks.

We almost didn’t meet.  We were scheduled to meet a couple of months ago but the day before the date he texted me and said that he was dating somebody else.  I was confused as he had just confirmed the date the prior day.  He said he couldn’t date more than one person.

I was not happy but said ok and wished him luck.

Last week I received a message on Match from a guy asking me if I wanted to try meeting again.  I assumed that he was just a guy that I had passed on earlier.  Feeling like he deserved a second chance for reaching out again I said okay without looking at his profile.

Later when I looked at his profile I realized who he was.  Had I realized he was that guy that had canceled on me I would have probably ignored him

I normally never choose the place for the first date but since he insisted that he owed me a nice dinner and there was a new restaurant in my town I wanted to go to I decided to take him up on it and chose it.

We went to a bistro called Vento that serves Italian Coastal cuisine.  I had the branzino with artichoke, tomato and olive sauce, which the chef tried to talk me out of it telling me to choose a more delicate sauce.  I was very happy with my choice.  For dessert I had the key lime tart and it was delicious.

My date was well dressed and charming.  He is a widower having lost his wife last summer.  He seems ready to date but I am not sure. He seems a bit too eager.  Did he really like me that much?

For the second date which happened 3 days later we went to Erminia, a small candlelit Roman restaurant in NY city.  I had fish again and it was good but nothing special.  I had eggplant as an appetizer, again it was okay.  For dessert I had berries and cream.  The meal was good but I expected a little more for the price and setting.  The service though was impeccable.  We were there for hours and never felt rushed.

The conversation was great.  He complimented me many times.  He was polite, thoughtful, honest, charming, an all around great person.

We are supposed to go out this Thursday.  He seems to like me too much.  Yes, there is such a thing when you just meet someone.  It makes me want to run.  I told him to continue meeting other people as I will do the same.  He says he has no interest in meeting anybody else and rather focus on me. He says if it doesn’t work between us then he will go back to Match.  I made sure he knows that I will remain on the site and will date others until I decide to focus on one person.

I have been over-excited about guys on the first few dates in the past only to be left extremely disappointed.  I am not doing that again even if I feel it could go somewhere.  I rather go slow and use the “wait and see” approach.

At the end of the second date when he dropped me off I leaned over to give him a kiss good night on the cheek, he turned and it became a little more than that.  It was good even though I had gum in my mouth.  I wouldn’t mind kissing him again.  In fact I want to kiss him again.

One day after the second date he wrote me a song and send me the video.  It was a fun song, really creative, talking about having me in his mind all the time.  He composes, sings and plays the guitar.  He used to be in a band in the past.  His voice is beautiful. I can’t help but feel special. No one has ever written me a song before.

Slowly and cautiously I proceed.  And I still search knowing fully well that what I search will eventually find me.  When I least expect it will slowly walk in and easily, peacefully win my heart. Or perhaps not.  Perhaps it will crash in, cause a major disturbance and just consume me whole. It will be awesome either way!  It will happen, I believe!

“When someone seeks,” said Siddhartha, “then it easily happens that his eyes see only the thing that he seeks, and he is able to find nothing, to take in nothing because he always thinks only about the thing he is seeking, because he has one goal, because he is obsessed with his goal. Seeking means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal.”  – Herman Hesse, Siddhartha