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“I’d rather be an optimist and a fool than a pessimist and right.” – Albert Einstein

My life is not all about dating, but in dating it seems is where I learn the most lessons.  Lessons about men, about the world and most importantly, about myself.  Dating keeps me vulnerable and keeps me honest.  It shows me my flaws and my weaknesses. It puts my ego in check.

Each man I date, and actually anyone I encounter, is a lesson.  It is never about them as human beings, as men.  It is always about them as lessons. Each person and situation helps me become a better version of myself, or so I hope. Otherwise the thought would be too dreadful. To think that some things are just meaningless and a waste of time is hard for me to live with that.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein

Dating forces me to look inside myself.  It forces me to confront my feelings, actions and reactions.  It forces me to try to understand why I feel the way I feel.  Why I do the things I do.  It forces me to look in an invisible mirror and see what is my culpability in a potential relationship when things don’t work out.  And, as you can tell if you have been following my blog for awhile is that things haven’t worked out yet.  Working out would mean I have a boyfriend, I am in a relationship.

Today I want to write about the need for Acceptance. 

I know I have written about that before, probably more than once. Actually, several times. I clearly struggle with that. I have read somewhere that the lesson only ends when we learn it.  I feel I have been in the same classroom staring at the same notebook for years.  And one of the lessons that persists the most is Acceptance.

“The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.” – Albert Einstein

Hi, I am a Control-freak.

I need to accept what I cannot control.  Accept that things don’t go according to plan.  Accept that some things are over and they are never returning.  Accept that not everything can be fixed. Accept that some things will never be no matter how much I want them and how hard I fight.

I want to be the captain of my own ship.  I want to control my own destiny.  I forget that while I can control my boat, no matter how small or large, I cannot control the weather, the waves and the ocean.

A calm, peaceful voyage would not teach me anything.  A calm ocean would allow me to just coast. An ocean without waves would bore me to tears.  I would never be the best form of myself if challenges were not thrown my way.  I would never be able to prove the kind of captain I can really be if I were not tested with a violent storm every now and then.

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” – Albert Einstein

As I am contemplating an impeding 5th date with a guy that seems very promising I am confronted with accepting that it is okay if he doesn’t follow the blueprint that I have in my mind.

I create mental pictures of the way I want things to go, to be. I have this perfect idea of a perfect date, the perfect kiss, the perfect words to come out of his lips. I know how he needs to behave, when to call, what to say.

No one, no matter how perfect is going to fulfill exactly the dream I created in my mind.  No one will be the perfect age, have the perfect profession, make the perfect amount of money, say the right things, and have the perfect actions.

That person doesn’t exist! People are moody, they do the unexpected, they change their mind, they disappoint.  I should know!  I do all of that and more.

One of the definitions of Accept according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary is:
To endure without protest or reaction.

What?  I am not a doormat.  That if often how I see acceptance, as being a doormat and just laying there and not fighting for what I want.  Acceptance then becomes a betrayal to myself and my dreams.  I see it as settling.  Accepting less than I deserve. Accepting a dream less than perfect.  Accepting a flawed man.  I am deserving of more, I am deserving of all. I don’t need to settle.  I don’t want to settle.

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” – Albert Einstein

I create expectations that no one can fulfill. Sometimes I even think I want to be disappointed. In the end it is never about somebody else. It is always about me. It always up to me.

I have to tell myself that things can still be okay and good even if they don’t follow the blueprint I had on my mind.

Acceptance doesn’t have to mean accepting less than I deserve. Acceptance means accepting that not everything is under my control. It is being okay with things not being perfect at that moment in time or being perfect all the time.

I think the real key is not really accepting or not accepting, that comes after.  The key is getting to the bottom of what I want for my life, what makes me happier and what contributes to me becoming the best version of myself.

In dating I need to be clear in what type of man I want to be my life partner. What is really important to me, and what is only a teenage fantasy?

“When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again.” – Albert Einstein

Sounds confusing, even complicated, but in the end is really simple.  We have that little voice inside ourselves that guides us to what is right and wrong, to what feels right and what feels wrong.  The crux is to listen to that voice.

Sometimes we can’t hear that little voice because we are too busy stuffing it down.  We go out of our way to silence it.  We surround ourselves with things that makes us momentarily happy and we forget that voice. We silence it with any distraction we can, tv, people, food, etc. Sometimes we hear it but we pretend we don’t.  If we acknowledge it than we would be forced to act, so it is easier to play deaf, to feign ignorance.

As I am putting the final touches on this post I realize that all I have written here has already been written before in a more concise way.  My whole post is the Serenity Prayer.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” 

So please forgive me if you wasted your time with my rambling.  Welcome to the voices inside my mind and my heart. I started this post out of confusion with my feelings.  Am I less confused?

No, I am as confused as ever.  I just need to be okay with things being confused for awhile.  I need prayer to guide me, I need silence to listen.  I need writing to keep my sanity.  I need this blog to keep me honest.  I need you to set me straight.

Today I was in a Albert Einstein kind of mood.  For a physicist I find him more spiritual than some so called spiritual teachers around.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein