Monthly Archives: September 2014

Feeling a bit misunderstood :-(

26 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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The view from my family's home

The view from my family’s home

I am back and happy to be back!   People think I am crazy when I say I am happy to return from vacation.  I love going away on vacation and seeing my family and all the fun stuff that it entails, but I also love coming back home.  I love my routine, my bed, my life.

In Brazil I mostly stayed with family and saw a few old friends.  No partying or travelling to the beach.  The purpose of the trip was to be with my father and I did that.  I am extremely happy and also relieved that he is doing so well.  I love my family and feel so immensely blessed by them and the opportunity to spend time with them.

Now I am back and picking up where I left off.  Being with my family in Brazil highlighted what I already knew: I cannot date someone that is not respectful of my belief in God and all Godly related things.  My Dad’s recovery from a potentially deadly infection/gangrene has been nothing short of a miracle.  How can I not believe in the power of something bigger than I am?

I will write more about my trip but for now I will just mention something that my sister said that has been stuck on my mind.  Even though we have been living apart for almost 30 years she is still the person that knows me the best. Or so I thought. So her opinion really matters to me.

“I’m standing in misunderstanding. I must have just stepped in it.” ― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

I was telling her about my latest dating adventure (speed dating) when she told me that it seemed that I am desperate for a boyfriend just to say that I have a boyfriend.  I was shocked that she thought that.   I respect her opinion but it cannot be further from the truth.  There has been plenty of opportunities for me to have a boyfriend if all I wanted to do was say I have a boyfriend, but I am interested in more.  I want it all, and yet all I want is simple.  I just want the company of someone that makes my heart sing.  And so far my heart has been silent.

My sister never read my blog even though she was the first one I told about it.  She said she thought I didn’t keep it up.  I was disappointed about that.   Maybe she is reading it now, or maybe not!  Do I have a history of not seeing things through?  Perhaps she thinks that too.  But anyway, that is not the point.  The point is that her comment made me think of you: you my reader and my friend.  Do you think I am dying for a boyfriend just to say I have a boyfriend? Do you care either way?

“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness.” ― Anaïs Nin

I would hate to be thought of as “that girl”, you know, the one desperate for a boyfriend, the one that cannot live without a man!  I am more than somebody looking for a boyfriend and would hate to be seen as only that.  Perhaps I need to change my writing.  Perhaps I should talk more about the other areas of my life.  Perhaps I should forget about dating for awhile, or at least stop talking about it.

“It’s dreadful what little things lead people to misunderstand each other.”― L.M. ontgomery, Emily’s Quest

I started this blog because of a broken heart so it is fitting that this blog is mostly about my heart.  Also my dating adventures seem to be more interesting than other details about my life.  I always like to focus on the fun and positive.  Why should I talk about how much I am spending in my father’s medical bills or the fact that my tenant is 2 weeks late with the rent check when the dating trials and tribulations are more fun?

Perhaps I should do nothing different at all.  I should continue to be me.  Is it important what others know and think about me or is it enough that I know who I am and what I am about? Truth is I don’t really care what others think of me, but it is hard when their view is so opposed to the truth.

“We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.” ― Rudyard Kipling, The Light That Failed

How do I want you to see me?  It is really very simple, I just want you to get that I am real and honest, flawed and yet unbelievably perfect!  I did make it a mission of mine to be more aggressive and more active in finding a mate so I have to be able to take the comments in regards to that, and must not be hurt if the opinions differ from mine.   Leaving things to chance never suited me, even though I know and respect that things will happen if and when they are meant to happen.  I know the Universe conspires to bring me what I need, but nowhere it is written that I have to just sit and wait.

“Nothing happens until something moves.” ― Albert Einstein

I just want to be ready for the opportunity when it comes.  I want to put myself out there. I want soak life and all its beauty.  Even though my posts may not reflect it, I have grown immensely the last couple of years, and the people that I have met and dated have been instrumental to that growth.

“The power of getting to know one another is so immense, eclipsed only by first getting to know ourselves.” ― Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason

The truth is it would be really easy to sit here and write about something else and pretend dating is not one of my priorities/goals, but that would be manipulative and dishonest – two things that I am not!

So the verdict is in (I am that fast!!), I will continue the dating thing (and writing and talking about it) until I get sick of it and not because others are sick of reading/hearing about it.    So please keep coming back and reading.  Your comments have been enlightening, humorous and supportive.  You make me feel loved and valued as human being.  Your words really make me feel warm and fuzzy inside! In the end if you see me as “that girl” so be it, I can take it!

Speed Dating and the Non-Believer!

12 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one’s self…. And to venture in the highest is precisely to be conscious of one’s self.” – ― Søren Kierkegaard

I am leaving for Brazil in a few hours.  I am fighting a bit of anxiety.   There is this one thing that I wanted to accomplish but it didn’t work out as expected (is it the Universe telling me that I should wait until I return or is it the Universe seeing my resolve in getting this done?).  When things don’t go according to plan it causes me a bit of internal turmoil.  I am trying to compartmentalize it and put that one issue aside until I am back in NY and can deal with it. I should know better than to thing that I have any control over anything.

Before I go I want to make sure to tell you about my last adventure in dating:  Speed dating.

It was surprisingly fun. There were 9 guys and 10 women.  It was in a bar in NY City.  The women sat around and the men went around to each lady, changing to the next lady every 3 minutes.  To me this is the perfect way to meet someone since I normally know within the first couple of minutes if there is something there or not.  I don’t have the time to go into details about every guy, but there was a good mix from the not so normal (this is NY after all) to the completely normal (at least it appears to be so).  There was a good mix of ladies too, from the divorced housewife to the rude impatient “I am better than you” lady.

A side note is that 8 out of the 9 guys were never married and had no children.  A shocking fact since they were all between the ages of 40 and 50.  The other ladies thought that this was a matter of concern, as if there is something wrong with them.  Since I happen to be one of them (never married, no kids) I think that fact it is no big deal.  But I do find strange to have so many of them in one place.

In the days after, you are supposed to go to the service website and choose who you would like to see again.  I chose 2 guys.  There were probably 5 of them that I wouldn’t mind seeing again, but only two seemed to be candidates for something long-lasting, so I rather not waste the other’s time.

Since they had chosen me also, contact information was provided to all.  They both contacted the same day.  One is an International Business Strategist (whatever that means) and the other is a jazz musician.

The first one emailed me right away, but then never contacted me again after I replied.  This is NY so I am not surprised, but I am just curious as to the silence.  I hope he was not run over by a truck!

“I am realistic – I expect miracles.” ― Wayne W. Dyer

On Wednesday the musician took me to a French Restaurant.  Everything was great from the food to the conversation.  And we both had agreed to date again.   But, of course there is always a but.  While he was walking me to the train station the conversation turned to religion.  He questioned me a lot about my religious beliefs.  I am not sure I like that part very much.  I am all for healthy debates but I felt interrogated.   We sat at the train station and had a cocktail while I waited for the train.  I was intrigued that we got along so well and yet there is this huge divide.

He doesn’t believe in anything that cannot be proven.  I, on the other hand, don’t need proof of a God (whatever name you choose to call) or miracles, I believe in it with all my heart.  I believe in the Universe/God/Superior Power, something greater than me. I find comfort in that belief.  I believe in miracles and consider my life a blessing.  He wanted proof!  I said I was not one of those people that think that my belief is the right one, and I was not about to try to prove him wrong, but my belief is right for me!

I am open minded and always believed that as long as people respect each other’s opinions any relationship can work…today I am not so sure.  At that time it didn’t seem to be a big deal to have a difference of opinion, but today, a couple of days later, this seems way too big a difference to ignore.    He used the word “ridiculous” to describe the belief in things unseen and unproven, such as Christ, God, miracles, etc.  That seemed disrespectful to me now.

 “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” -― Albert Einstein

Perhaps the ridiculous thing is for a believer like me to be with someone that thinks it is ridiculous to believe in something that you cannot see or prove.  Is it worth to see him again? I love believing in guardian angels, miracles, faith, hope, the Universe, etc I am thinking I need someone that will, at least, not think that that is ridiculous.  My faith and believe is such a huge part of me that if someone has an issue with that, then they have an issue with me.

Well, I have more to say, but not enough time, I need to make the next train, get home, get bagels, and then head to the airport.

ps. please forgive mistakes, typos, etc…written in a hurry!

 

 

From feeling down to celebrating in just a couple of hours!!

02 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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“At the end of the day, let there be no excuses, no explanations, no regrets.” ― Steve Maraboli

I was feeling pretty low today.  There was no apparent reason.   All of a sudden is Monday, I don’t have to go to work and I have nothing planned.  I just didn’t know what to do with myself.

I had a pretty good weekend with a date on Friday, getting a lot accomplished on Saturday and spending the day at the US Open Tennis on Sunday (with friends from Philadelphia).

Then I wake up today, I have nothing planned and I am lost.

I took my time with breakfast, then did 30 minutes on my elliptical and I am still feeling at a loss at what to do next.  Nothing seemed appealing and I continue to slip further down the miserable path.  Clearly it seems to me that I have 2 choices, be miserable and start enumerating all that is wrong with me or get up and move and think of all my blessings.

It is clear that there is only one right choice, so I decided to feel blessed and snap out of it.

“Do it badly; do it slowly; do it fearfully; do it any way you have to, but do it.” ― Steve Chandler

I decided that this is the perfect moment to do what I have been planning on forever but never do: visit my building’s gym.  I haven’t been there in more than a year, perhaps even 2 years. No, I am not proud of that fact, but I am also not going to beat myself up over that.

What I should have done or not done in the past is not important.  What is important is what I do from this moment on.

I walked in and I smell, not sweat, but newness and it feels awesome.  It felt great being there and I wondered why I had been away for so long.  I spent 30 minutes on the bike and another 30 minutes at the weight machines.  I know it is is not a lot, but it felt like a huge accomplishment to me.  Also I wanted to be cautious about my hip and not overdo it.

Feeling victorious I came back and decided that I was deserving of making a celebratory cake. Ok, ok, it is not a celebratory cake but I have been wanting to make a coconut pound cake forever and decided today is a great day for it.  (so I am turning the oven on in one of the hottest days of the year, but that is a minor detail)

I also don’t see this cake as defeating the purpose of the gym. To me this cake and the gym are the same thing.  They are both accomplishments that make me feel good about myself and two things to be done in moderation.

And here is the result of my baking effort:

Delicious Coconut Pound Cake

Delicious Coconut Pound Cake

Coconut Cake Slice

It is absolutely delicious!