Tags
Brazilian, compassion, help others, kindness, lies, love, religion, Spanish, truth
Walking home from the train station on Friday I decided to take the long way (one extra block that passes in front of shops and restaurants). As I am passing, a man sitting on a stoop asks me if I speak Spanish, I said no and continued on.
People often mistake me for Hispanic. Most people think I am Dominican or Puerto Rican. Unlike some Brazilians I know, I do not mind or am offended being addressed in Spanish. The reason I didn’t stop was because the man looked either drunk or on drugs.
After I took a few steps I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t go back and at least found out what he wanted. So I did. I had a feeling I knew what he wanted.
I approached and asked him in Spanish what he needed and he asked in perfect English if I had money to give him, I said no, and turned to walk away.
Of course, I couldn’t walk away, I turned back around and asked him why he needed money. He said was for food. I am not sure why at this point I chose to use a lie instead of the truth. I said: It is against my religion to give money. Well, I guess perhaps it is not such a lie as I do have my personal beliefs and I don’t believe in giving money when I doubt it will be used for what is intended. I think I lied because I don’t think he was ready to handle the truth. Also I don’t think anyone can argue with a person’s religion so I guess I expected my belief to be respected.
And it was, he didn’t argue with me. I offered to buy him a plate of food at any restaurant around. My neighborhood has all types of cuisine and they are all great, India, Mexican, Peruvian, American, Soul food, but he said he wanted pizza. I said: Fine, there is a pizza place at the end of the next block. Let’s go there or I can go and get it for you.
He then said he wanted it later, that he was not hungry at the moment. I decided not to point out to him that he had just told me a minute ago that he was hungry. I confirmed with him that he didn’t want food at this point. He said: later.
I said okay then, if I come by later and you are hungry then I will get you pizza then. He said: ok.
Now that we seemed to reach an understanding, I walked away guilt free.
Why then I now feel guilty for feeling guilt free? Why do I have to always feel I should have done more?
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
You did the right thing, he most likely would have used the money for drugs or alcohol. It happens all the time here and I also have a rule that I never give money to people that are begging, I will sometimes offer to buy them food but they almost always say no they would like to get it later. Don’t feel guilty in my opinion you did the right thing.
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I normally give money, but I decided to rethink that since most of the time I have a feeling know what the money will go for.
Thank you and a blessed week to you! 🙂
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You did right – he was trying to manipulate you and you called his bluff. You would have felt more guilty if you had given him the money to buy drugs.
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Thank you. You are right, this way I don’t feel like an enabler. Many blessings to you! 🙂
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It is a hard one. I would rather give him a sandwich than money too. As you say who know what he spends the money on. If he is hungry he will be happy for the food given to him. It is good to help, you are very kind!
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Hi Ute. I like to think that my mother instilled in me compassion and a good heart, but there are still so many doubts in my mind, specially when you try to do good and encounter roadblocks. A blessed week to you! 🙂
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I worked with the homeless for many years and, trust me, you did the right thing. Sweet, generous and right for both of you.
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A great thing you did/do! I have great respect for that kind of work. Thank you for your kind words! Many blessings! 🙂
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You’ve done everything that could be expected of you, or even more. I guess it’s not really food he wanted to buy… which is a bit disappointing, isn’t it. I think that’s why it may feel like a bit of guilt – but we can only do so much.
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Hi Pixie, Thank you! It is indeed disappointment not to encounter open arms when you try to do good. In the end I can only do so much without interfering in his life. Many blessings to you! 🙂
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Loved all your quotes!!! so isnpiring!!!
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Thank you! They are great indeed! 🙂
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Sweet you,
I’ve an award for you, for the person who you are and the things you share with the world
http://summer4soul.wordpress.com/2013/06/10/peace-is-a-free-choice-so-is-this-award/
Thank you for that..
Namasté, Summer
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Thank you so much! Many blessings to you! 🙂
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I like truth. One time, at a convention, a man sitting outside had a sign. It said, “Why lie about it? I want beer.” I took a picture of him with the sign and gave him $5.
Honesty often works for me.
Scott
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Honesty in this case is refreshing. I hope you are having a blessed week! 🙂
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Two weeks ago when a friend and I had just finished eating and were walking to our cars we were approached by a woman begging for money. Much like in your blog, the woman said she needed the money for food. My friend and I each had to-go boxes with a lot of food in each so we decided to give it to the woman. We started to hand her our to-go boxes and the woman asked us “what am I going to do with that?”. We explained that there was enough food in these boxes for at least two meals. She refused to take the food and left angry. I remember growing up when we only had enough food for one meal a day, I would have loved to have someone buy me a meal or give me their to-go boxes.
I loved all the quotes you used, they were very inspiring.
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What gets me more is the fact that some beggars get angry and outraged because we don’t give them exactly what they want: money.
It would be wonderful to know exactly who really needs and wants help, but unfortunately we don’t have such radar.
I am trying not to let stuff like this turn me off from helping next time.
I hope that next time you will act in the same way and hopefully you will get a different response.
Thank you for sharing and many blessings to you! 🙂
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