Tags
breaking up, contact, crying, feedom, hope, love, moving on, relationships, skiing, strength, Thailand, vacation
I am happy because I choose to be happy. It is a daily choice! Sometimes is a daily struggle.
Today is a struggle!
Since moving out of Ex’s house he has been calling, e-mailing and texting, mostly to say hello or something trivial, but sometimes also adding that he is thinking of me, missing me and loving me.
Do I believe that? No! If he loved me I would still be there.
I have been trying to remain friendly as I do not believe in harboring resentments and being angry and enemies with anybody. But it is not working.
Every time he gets in touch it hurts me, it is a constant reminder that I still have feelings for him. It reminds me that I still don’t know the reason why it ended.
Also at least once a week he used to invite me to dinner. I have asked him to stop inviting me to dinner, which he obliged.
I have not asked him to stop getting in touch with me because we have one financial deal that will end in July and I didn’t want to make waves until then.
That was until now! I cannot take it anymore.
I don’t care if I lose money anymore! I want my sanity! Just 5 minutes ago I called him and asked him to stop contacting me and only get in touch in July.
This afternoon he had sent me a picture of him wearing a shirt that we got on our vacation in Thailand saying he was thinking of me. I completely fell apart. He also mentioned looking at our skiing trip’s pictures. I remember those trips,and many others, the happiness, and how we seemed so perfect together.
I asked him to stop playing with my heart, stop playing games, stop getting in touch with me. It infuriates me that he seemed shocked by my reaction, he seemed hurt and confused by my wanting to forget him.
It kills that he thinks that is perfectly normal to be dating someone (he confirmed he is dating someone, not the same person that he was dating at the time we broke up, he already moved on from that one or perhaps she wised up quickly) and still be calling me and saying he loves and misses me. How can he not see how much that hurts me?
How can he think that that is normal? It is amazing his ability to make me feel like I am the one that is not being reasonable.
For the record he has maintained that we cannot be together because he has to concentrate on all his businesses and volunteer work and cannot be the boyfriend/partner I need him to be. He says some of his businesses are in jeopardy and he cannot protect me. Bunch of bs as far as I am concerned. Disingenuous at best.
So I was lying in bed crying and realized that that was not helpful so now I am sitting and crying- lol
I cannot wait for the day that I will look back and laugh at all this!
I am trying to look at the good side, I am trying to find the good side. I am happy I took a stand and right now don’t care if I ever hear from him again (I so want to believe those words!). I guess deep down inside perhaps I still had hopes. I never thought I would say this, but, sometimes hope can be a dangerous thing!
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
Hmmm not sure whether to tell you my story which is weird and long but similar, but for now I’ll just tell you that you are absolutely not alone and right now, here in Massachusetts, I am thinking of you and wishing you peace, happiness all the best life has to offer. I bet I’m not the only one. Sending you lots of love….
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Thank you very much for your kind words! Thank you for having me in your thoughts and for the good wishes. I am a little more at peace now after a long walk to the water and back. Feel free to share your story with me anytime. blessedwithastar@hotmail.com. Thank you and hugs and love back to you!
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Sending love your way…this too shall pass and like you said one day soon, you will look back and laugh at all this. For now stay strong even though it’s tough and occupy and surround yourself with pleasant things. Love
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Thank you so much for the love. “This too shall pass” will be my mantra. Your kind words mean a lot to me! Thank you again! much love!
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Good for you!! I truly was wanting to be supportive of your ex as I read, just because I thought, “Well maybe his love is genuine!”. Then, when you described his behavior, it is CLEAR that he is someone who uses others … thrives off the reactions he makes them have … all to make him feel better about himself. If you actually did go back to him, he would put you through it all over again … he just doesn’t like being rejected. It seems to me that he has quite a few issues that need to be worked through; psychologically and spiritually. I don’t know him, so I may be wrong … but that is what I intuited from your post. I think you are making the right decision, based purely in on intuition (take that for what it’s worth!) :-).
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It hurts me to say that I have arrived at the same conclusion: he does have deep issues that need to be worked on! And it is not like he is saying he wants me back, he wants to just see me whenever he feels like. What hurts most is that he does not acknowledge that he has treated me unfairly. I appreciate your comment and support!
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A broken heart hurts so bad, I know all to well the pain of rejection and I am here to tell you that it WILL pass! I can now look back and laugh but I also know that I needed to go thru that pain to get where I am now. Be confident and know that you are worth much more than he can ever give you!
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Thank you for the comforting words! I do deserve a better treatment than what I have been receiving! 🙂
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On behalf on decent men everywhere (and hopefully I am one… but my estranged wife might disagree LOL) I apologise.
On behalf of me, I’d like to say that if we were in the same town and knew each other better, I’d be texting you too… if only to say “wanna hang out and get it all off your chest??”
Go on… I’ll buy the first round 🙂
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Thank you it means a lot to hear from the male species. And if you ever find yourself in NY I will take you up on that offer and hopefully by then all this bad stuff will be gone! 🙂
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I agree with Sherry and the others. You are doing the best thing. I know how hard it is to admit to myself that I was head over heels in love with a person who could not treat my heart fairly. I so much wanted to believe she had all the good traits I projected on her. I believe your opportunity is to continue to admit that you made a mistake being with him and to learn from it, as it truly seems you are! More love & blessings! Frank ( :
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I agree with you both, but like you said it is so hard to admit I made a mistake. How can I reconcile the fact that I thought I was following my heart? Did my heart lead me wrong? Did I just imagine this great relationship? At any rate, this is indeed what I should be doing, cut all ties! I should just open my eyes to a world of new possibilities! Thank you and love and blessing right back to you! 🙂
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Maybe you’re like me? My therapist says my heart is good; I always return to being able to love, very deeply. She instructs me to engage my head more when deciding who to hang out with. If I go slowly in relationships, really getting to know someone with my head to assess compatibility and watch for warning flags, I’ll be able to be more careful about whom I let my heart fall for. I want a lasting love with an emotionally developed, exciting, intelligent, honest, loving, kind and activef person. I need to quit getting physical too quickly, as hormones and heart totally igonore head with that plan! So we can follow our heart without letting it run a solo path to despair, darkness and dismay. We can smile, laugh, play and love someone who can feel the same way about us! We need to be that person and be patient. ( :
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The more I hear from you and read your blog the more I realize I am a lot like you in a lot areas.
I am blessed with such an amazing heart, able to forgive, able to take a beating and then wholly present itself to try again.
Your therapist’s advice hits the right chord with me. I aspire to slow down and engage my head in heart matters going forward.
I can now see 2 mistakes that I have made (there are many more). First, I didn’t see the person, I saw the potential fairy tale that I had in my mind. Second, I jumped too quickly into a physical relationship.
I am all about physical chemistry so sometimes it is hard to reign that part. And it is a known fact that women get emotionally attached after a physical encounter faster than a man.
I always say: “Follow your heart”, now I have to add: “but check with you head first”.
So a warning to potential partners: You are going to have to wait, wait and then wait some more, but it will be all so worth – I promise!! lol 🙂 Thank you again my wise friend!
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You’re on a good path! You’re welcome! ( :
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Good on you for handling the situation so wisely. It’s courageous to say ‘no’ when someone you still love calls you and wants to hang out.
A few years ago, I broke up with a guy after a 5 year relationship. I knew he wasn’t the right person for me but still had happy memories with him. I stopped loving him in a romantic way but I still loved him as a friend. That’s why I wanted to keep in touch. But it seemed to hurt him so much everytime, he still had feelings. After a few weeks, he said he wanted to cut all contacts with me and I had a hard time understanding him. But then I realised he was right to move on and that seeing me could only hurt him. It was very selfish of me to just want the comfort of hanging out with him again. I didn’t want to lose him completely.
I’m not writing this to take you ex’s defense, but maybe it’ll help you understand that he certainly still likes you. However, he made a choice and he needs to respect your attempts at moving on.
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Hi Cecile. Thank you for showing me that other angle. I have to believe that he tries to hang out because he likes me and it is clueless as to how much it hurts me. I have been trying to protect him and think of his feelings any time he called – dumb right?, anyway, I realized that I have to protect myself and my feelings. Indeed it was his choice and he needs to respect mine now! Thank you again for the great comment! 🙂
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I cant really add anything more, I have felt this kind of pain. You are not alone in this, wishing you a brighter day today, hang in there:)
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Thank you for the kind words! 🙂
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Walk away quickly without looking back. As painful as it is now, I bet a year from now you’ll look back and read this post and think, “What was that all about?” My best to you – been there and come out on the other side.
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Trying to run away, but keep looking back at what I thought we had! I hope that time indeed will make things easier! Looking forward to a bright future! Thank you for your words! Much appreciated! 🙂
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Time really does heal all wounds, even the emotional ones. There were relationships in my past that caused tremendous heartache when they ended. I was distraught for days, weeks… months even. But here is the thing I’ve learned – I wasn’t mourning the loss of the relationship, i was mourning the loss of what I THOUGHT the relationship was and what I thought the future of it would be.
Once I realized that I was mourning something that never existed in the first place, that put the ball back in my court again. I wasn’t at the mercy of the person I thought was serving grand slams at me on the other side of the net.
If your ex keeps contacting you, he’s either never had anyone tell him to take a hike before, is reminiscing on the good times (which is fine) and thinking that what once was could be again or knows full-well that what he’s doing is getting a reaction from you that favors him. I think you were right to stand up for yourself and tell him to back off, but don’t give him more power than he deserves.
All relationships have some good in them – but if the good never surpasses how the bad is perceived – there isn’t any point in continuing. Keep strong!
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I really needed to hear/read that! I keep remembering the good times, the vacations and how treated me so well. I keep remembering this perfect relationship we had and this perfect future we were going to have. Did that really exist? Or I just chose to forget the little details and little nagging feelings?
Thank you for reminding me that I am mourning that fairy tale that never was!
He keeps contacting me because he thinks we can be friends with benefits, and doesn’t understand why I am offended at the idea.
It seems all of a sudden he wants me to be the other woman!
I do have to shift the power to me and forget about him, and whatever his ideas or reasons maybe.
Nothing will change the fact that he decided not to continue the relationship, and in that I have to believe he did me a favor!
Thank you for the very insightful comment and shedding more light to this situation! It meant a lot to me!
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At the risk of being reiterative…I too have been where you are and many others have been. And the laughing and crying and hoping and damning is all part of this process. To deny any element is to deny your heart and your humanity – both of which you have in abundance. Time offers perspective, allows open wounds to develop scabs and protections – and the willingness to find love again. Today is a lousy day – and for that I’m sorry and I hope it passes quickly. But honor it nonetheless, each moment is laying the foundation for you to be able to have joy and delight on a higher and deeper level than ever before. And know that there are many, many people who are here for you – and supportive of you.
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It has been 6 months, I thought that by now all it would be a faint memory, but I guess I underestimated the pain. Thank you for at least 3 things: First, for reminding me that I need to go through the process of grieving and not try to skip it and rush through things. Second, for reminding me to honor the darkest moments because they offer a great chance for learning, understanding and growth. Third, for the love and support that you send my way. Yesterday was dark, today is already better (I will be posting about it). Many thanks, many blessings! 🙂
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No thanks needed dear one – I wish I had someone to tell me about these passages when I went through it. Six months is not that long a time…Someone once told me that it took twice the length of time of a relationship to truly come out the other side. I don’t know if that’s accurate but I do know that we all grieve and recover at our own pace, and the only right answer in all of it, is to lean on your friends, honor your feelings throughout and treat yourself gently.
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It sounds like he wants all the fun but no commitment. He didn’t want the responsibility of a relationship but also doesn’t want to let you go completely. I know it hurts but you will feel better to let him go and turn over a fresh page. I’m sure there are many moments for you to treasure and they were probably real, just not possible anymore as things have changed, mainly him by the sounds of things?
Hang in there, brighter days are on the way as you close this chapter of your life x
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I deserve better, but it is hard to look back at the great moment and think: Did I imagine them?
I think it was midlife crisis. The moment he turned 50 all changed.
I am feeling better today and reminded that life is good!
will be posting about a happy event today in a few minutes.
Thank you for the support and wise words! 🙂
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look forward to the happy event 🙂
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