Tag Archives: being misunderstood

Feelings hurt, bullets dodged and we move on

07 Thursday Jun 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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“You cannot control the behavior of others, but you can always choose how you respond to it.” – Roy T. Bennett

The Nature Writer.  I decided not to go on a second date with him.  I called him and said that there was no romantic vibes for me. I offered friendship.

He listened to what I had to say and said he really didn’t have the time to date seriously and was interested in friendship. He thanked me for my honesty.

Several days later he sent me 12 text messages one after the other.  He went on and on on how he was hurt that I assumed he was interested in dating.  He was also angry that I said I was going to schedule a second meeting as friends but never did.

I didn’t reply. What do I say to that?  It was just senseless.  This seemed to be the texting of a 12 year girl and not an intelligent almost 60 year old man.

I no longer feel the need for people to understand me.  Now I just let it go and don’t spend the time and energy. 

“We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.”  – Rudyard Kipling

The concierge – I met a kind, nice gentleman. He works as a concierge in a building in Manhattan. We met at a dive bar called Trailer Park Lounge. Not a place I am used to going but it was fun and welcoming.

I ordered a burger and even before I was finished he mentioned he wanted to go to Dallas BBQ a block away.  He said he loved the drinks there.  The drink he ordered  was one of those tropical drinks with umbrellas that you get when you go on vacation to a tropical island (picture is at the top) . It did look delicious but I already had a drink at the other bar and decided to just drink water.

While he was the nice, there was zero chemistry for me.  He, on the other hand professed his love for me and wanted to see me again.  What do I say to a man that is sitting across from me telling me his entire life and already making plans for a future together?

When he asked me when he was going to see me again I didn’t have the heart to say: never.  I didn’t really say yes or no.  I said that he was going too fast and that I was feeling pressured.

I should have gone for honesty, but instead I expected him to get the hint.  He didn’t.

And right as I am typing this I get a text from him asking me what I had decided about going on a second date.   I told him that I didn’t feel any romance and that I knew he didn’t want to be friends. I mentioned how great I thought he was but I was not feeling it.

He replied and I quote: “I bet you say that to everyone. Thank you for wasting my time”.  Not only he texted me that but he also wrote me a message online.

Well, he is right.  It is what I tell almost everyone because it is often the truth.

“The text has disappeared under the interpretation.” – Friedrich Nietsche

The realtor –  The one I mentioned in a couple of posts ago. I described how on the first date he kept trying to kiss and hug me even after I told him numerous times to stop.  Still I was wondering if I should go on a second date or not, as I thought perhaps there was potential if he would keep his hands to himself.

That is until I get a text that says: “I would like to schedule our second hug”.  Clearly he is not listening and has only physical interaction on his mind.

Needless to say there will not be a second date or hug.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”  – George Bernard Shaw

I am not taking the replies from the above guys personally.  It is coming from a place of pain.  They thought I would be their future and I turn out to be just one date.  I have been there.  I have been on dates where I thought all it was perfect and then I  never heard from them again.

I am feeling blessed.  I think I dodged a few bullets.

I find myself in a conundrum.  I want to have an open mind and go on dates with guys that at first glance are not really my type but that perhaps will surprise me, and yet I see the need now to be even more discriminating.

“Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.” – E.E. Cummings

 

 

Feeling a bit misunderstood :-(

26 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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The view from my family's home

The view from my family’s home

I am back and happy to be back!   People think I am crazy when I say I am happy to return from vacation.  I love going away on vacation and seeing my family and all the fun stuff that it entails, but I also love coming back home.  I love my routine, my bed, my life.

In Brazil I mostly stayed with family and saw a few old friends.  No partying or travelling to the beach.  The purpose of the trip was to be with my father and I did that.  I am extremely happy and also relieved that he is doing so well.  I love my family and feel so immensely blessed by them and the opportunity to spend time with them.

Now I am back and picking up where I left off.  Being with my family in Brazil highlighted what I already knew: I cannot date someone that is not respectful of my belief in God and all Godly related things.  My Dad’s recovery from a potentially deadly infection/gangrene has been nothing short of a miracle.  How can I not believe in the power of something bigger than I am?

I will write more about my trip but for now I will just mention something that my sister said that has been stuck on my mind.  Even though we have been living apart for almost 30 years she is still the person that knows me the best. Or so I thought. So her opinion really matters to me.

“I’m standing in misunderstanding. I must have just stepped in it.” ― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

I was telling her about my latest dating adventure (speed dating) when she told me that it seemed that I am desperate for a boyfriend just to say that I have a boyfriend.  I was shocked that she thought that.   I respect her opinion but it cannot be further from the truth.  There has been plenty of opportunities for me to have a boyfriend if all I wanted to do was say I have a boyfriend, but I am interested in more.  I want it all, and yet all I want is simple.  I just want the company of someone that makes my heart sing.  And so far my heart has been silent.

My sister never read my blog even though she was the first one I told about it.  She said she thought I didn’t keep it up.  I was disappointed about that.   Maybe she is reading it now, or maybe not!  Do I have a history of not seeing things through?  Perhaps she thinks that too.  But anyway, that is not the point.  The point is that her comment made me think of you: you my reader and my friend.  Do you think I am dying for a boyfriend just to say I have a boyfriend? Do you care either way?

“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness.” ― Anaïs Nin

I would hate to be thought of as “that girl”, you know, the one desperate for a boyfriend, the one that cannot live without a man!  I am more than somebody looking for a boyfriend and would hate to be seen as only that.  Perhaps I need to change my writing.  Perhaps I should talk more about the other areas of my life.  Perhaps I should forget about dating for awhile, or at least stop talking about it.

“It’s dreadful what little things lead people to misunderstand each other.”― L.M. ontgomery, Emily’s Quest

I started this blog because of a broken heart so it is fitting that this blog is mostly about my heart.  Also my dating adventures seem to be more interesting than other details about my life.  I always like to focus on the fun and positive.  Why should I talk about how much I am spending in my father’s medical bills or the fact that my tenant is 2 weeks late with the rent check when the dating trials and tribulations are more fun?

Perhaps I should do nothing different at all.  I should continue to be me.  Is it important what others know and think about me or is it enough that I know who I am and what I am about? Truth is I don’t really care what others think of me, but it is hard when their view is so opposed to the truth.

“We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.” ― Rudyard Kipling, The Light That Failed

How do I want you to see me?  It is really very simple, I just want you to get that I am real and honest, flawed and yet unbelievably perfect!  I did make it a mission of mine to be more aggressive and more active in finding a mate so I have to be able to take the comments in regards to that, and must not be hurt if the opinions differ from mine.   Leaving things to chance never suited me, even though I know and respect that things will happen if and when they are meant to happen.  I know the Universe conspires to bring me what I need, but nowhere it is written that I have to just sit and wait.

“Nothing happens until something moves.” ― Albert Einstein

I just want to be ready for the opportunity when it comes.  I want to put myself out there. I want soak life and all its beauty.  Even though my posts may not reflect it, I have grown immensely the last couple of years, and the people that I have met and dated have been instrumental to that growth.

“The power of getting to know one another is so immense, eclipsed only by first getting to know ourselves.” ― Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason

The truth is it would be really easy to sit here and write about something else and pretend dating is not one of my priorities/goals, but that would be manipulative and dishonest – two things that I am not!

So the verdict is in (I am that fast!!), I will continue the dating thing (and writing and talking about it) until I get sick of it and not because others are sick of reading/hearing about it.    So please keep coming back and reading.  Your comments have been enlightening, humorous and supportive.  You make me feel loved and valued as human being.  Your words really make me feel warm and fuzzy inside! In the end if you see me as “that girl” so be it, I can take it!