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be a friend or go away, be quiet and don't be a fool, choose silence, let bygones be bygones, making it worse and not better, no need to go over what is finished, why stir things up
” Sometimes your knight in shining armor turns out to be an idiot wrapped in tin foil.” – unknown
I just got this very short email from G. This is it in its entirety:
I’m still a little shell shocked from my last relationship. You did a few things probably innocently last weekend that rocked me which is why I was off.
You were probably kidding but it still it rocked me. I think the world of you lady.
What? What is the point of this email?
Some things I did?
I know that if I am guilty of anything in this relationship was of being too nice and trying too hard.
Is this his way of offering an explanation to his behavior? We are past this. I don’t care for answers or explanations anymore. I did all the trying. I am done.
Does he want me to ask what was that I did that triggered something in him? Is this email supposed to make me curious? Should I say sorry for something I have no clue?
“If you’re not comfortable enough with yourself or with your own truth when entering a relationship, then you’re not ready for that relationship.” -Steve Maraboli
I tried to talk about this previous relationship of his but he didn’t want to get too much into it. I respected that. He said they were together in the past, then recently tried again but still the issues were all there as before and he broke up for good.
I asked if there was any chance of getting back together and he said: never. He made sure to say, more than once, that I was the total opposite of her.
I am hoping for his sake that he had no expectations when he sent this email as he is getting no replies of any sort.
I will not ask what I did (or he thinks I did) because I do not care. I am not even curious. Whatever way he felt or is feeling is on him not me.
It is not what I did, it is how received and reacted (or didn’t react) to it.
“I’m not crying because of you; you’re not worth it. I’m crying because my delusion of who you were was shattered by the truth of who you are.” – Steve Maraboli
He had plenty of chances and freedom to tell me anything he wanted. He was free to say what bothered him at the time that it happened. I made sure that we made communication a priority in this relationship.
I told him that I joke a lot and I can be sarcastic so he had to speak up if he ever didn’t like anything I did or said. He had said my honesty was refreshing. Why hold it in, be a jerk and now send such an email?
I didn’t reply and will not reply to such emails. Either tell me what you think I did that hurt, offended, “rocked” you or just be quiet.
Sorry for venting, but this email was really aggravating and offending to me. To me, we were done and moved on to being friends that texted every now and then. I was happy with that. No need for explanations that will not change anything, and to perhaps just make me feel that I am guilty of something.
“I will not try to convince you to love me, to respect me, to commit to me. I deserve better than that; I AM BETTER THAN THAT…Goodbye.” – Steve Maraboli
When a guy sends stuff like this with no context, stay away even as friends. Get on with your life. There are better people out there
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For sure! It seems like bait, just to stir up things in me. It did, but probably not in the way he intended.
Thank you Shalini for stopping by. Wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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Wish you the same…
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Thank you! 🙂
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Let him go. He has way too much baggage.
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You are right! Now I feeling I dodged a bullet!
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Unfortunately, we’ve all been there. Things will get better. You’ll see.
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And it may get much worse first lol The great thing is I have a sense of humor and I am never giving up!
Thank you for the kindness! Blessings! 🙂
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Good for you! You Go Girl! 🙂
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🙂
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He’s trying to get you to ask for an explanation….I’m happy to read that “you’re done”….He seems like too much damn work.
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It didn’t work…I don’t want to hear it. I gave more than 100% while in it, now I am over it!
haha yes, he is turning out to be “too much damn work”.
Lesson learned, moving on…
Thank you and blessings! 🙂
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Justifying his behavior by vaguely blaming you for un named actions is absolute shittiness. Actually I’ll go a step further and call it level one gaslighting.
This is only the start. There will be more communications like this. I’d put money on it. I don’t think he’s done by a long shot, it sounds like he doesn’t like that it was your choice to call time not his. I’d cut him stone cold dead. What a putz!
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If you had put money on it you would have won a lot money – he has already contacted me again. But this time he sent me pictures of his latest artwork.
I am unable to “cut him stone cold”. I just, for some stupid reason, think he is not vicious just misguided.
I appreciate you opening my eyes – it makes me realize that I am at times too naive and forgiving.
Thank you for stopping by and wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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Yes, I took bait like that and I’m sorry I did. Two years later and it’s still messing with my head. It’s very manipulative of someone to end things, ghost, then return and taunt you with secret info. Just act like you don’t care and eventually you won’t! The thing is, with this kind of shady character, how do you know if the info will be true? I got some crap about how he came to my house and I didn’t bake cookies to make him feel welcome. Wtf? Who needs to hear this crap?
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Lucky for me it was at the very beginning and I was making sure to protect my heart and not fall so fast. I was more in love with the idea of him and what I thought of him.
The romance door is no longer open for him but I am still thinking that friendship is still possible – yes I can be naive and very hopeful.
Thank you for sharing your story – I had to laugh at the anecdote about not baking cookies lol
Sending you blessings! 🙂
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He sent you a strange and incoherent message, same with the “addiction” message, which was odd. I think he is trying to have the last word, so he feels like he finished things off. Don’t respond… I think you said you had different health issues you were taking care of, you don’t need nonsense like this. You need to be in good spirits to take care of your health. Stay positive!
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I think that he thought I would reach out and try to persuade him to try again. He was sorely mistaken.
He continues to reach out and, if the message makes sense, I am responding politely. I envision a friendship, but we shall see.
Yes I am have to see a doctor regarding my hip, so indeed I have other things to worry about.
Thank you for your insight! Many blessings! 🙂
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I could be completely wrong because I only read about your situation, but the email felt like it was just someone trying to tell you how he feels. I know what it’s like to feel and take on the responsibility of other people’s feelings, and I don’t know this particular person at all, but I feel like he was just telling you that he is having a difficult time processing his “stuff”. You seem to trigger that for him. I love my BF, but he is a huge emotional trigger for me. I broke up with multiple times because of it. I once told him he made me feel like the inside of a snowglobe! Everything would be fine, but then he’d shake it all up. It wasn’t about him at all, though. Just like his feelings aren’t about you. Perhaps viewing his email with empathy would take some of the turmoil from your heart. Much love in your journey!!
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Since writing that post I took a step back and decided to choose kindness and understanding.
I definitely don’t want any romantic relationship with him anymore, but I still believe and hope for a friendship.
I guess some of my actions triggered some bad memory or something. I wish he had chosen to talk about it, but I guess he is not ready.
My heart is at peace and is already open for the next experience.
Thank you for sharing your story, for your insight and for your good wishes!
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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You were smart to get rid of him. ;0)
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It turns out I didn’t get rid of him completely. But definitely no dating in our future.
Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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Don’t get drawn in. Press delete and move on. He’s not worth it. Really!
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I get it, but it is so hard for me to give up on people. I always want to believe that they meant well, just the delivery was not as desired.
We shall see if a friendship with him is still worth having. He has written again but I am proceeding with caution.
Thank you for the warning, I will keep it in mind.
Many blessings! 🙂
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The stupid email makes ME curious, but I agree with your approach. Be done with him, and stay done, and I would think a friendship is out of the question too. You deserve better, and not to need to row the relationship boat all by yourself.
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Hi Ann
That email was indeed stupid and annoying and it almost made me want to give up on the relationship.
Still after a couple of hours to cool down I was less upset.
He has written again and I am considering friendship. We shall see. I don’t want to row the friendship boat by myself either.
Thank you for the kind words and insight. Many blessings to you! 🙂
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I am totally with you! He should just speak up! He doesn’t deserve a response from you.
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Indeed. I didn’t respond to that email. A day later he texted me pictures of his artwork and I replied to that. I am still trying to see something good in him.
Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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I am not sure if he is playing games or just a mess. Either way you are best of out of it, he doesn’t seem well balanced to me. xx
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Indeed something is off and I am not sure what either. I don’t think he is mean spirited, perhaps just misguided.
At any rate, he is not the person I need/want as a partner so that is definite.
I still reply to texts now as a friend. I have trouble letting go completely.
Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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And to you my dear x
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Good for you, not replying! He’s obviously just trying to bait you, and like you said, what’s the point? I’m glad you moved on!
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I didn’t reply to that email, but eventually we started texting again as a friends.
I am happy to report that I did move on and I am back on the dating sites again.
Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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☺
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