“In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel.” – Paulo Coelho

I know I may seem dramatic over this breakup since we had been together just a very short time, but it was not only the time, it was the depth of it.  It was the potential and hope in it. So please bear with me as I am still mourning it and saying good bye.

Because I can’t accept when things feel unfinished.

Because I needed a period in the end and this just feels like a semi-colon.

Because I need to feel that no matter what happened we are not enemies.

I wrote, not to get a response, but just to get that heaviness out of my chest.  I wrote to feel empty of things left unsaid.

I didn’t care if he would write back or not, but I hope to one day be able to be friends.

Because of all of that I sent G an email.

This is verbatim the email I sent, just omitting our names:

A little bit of time has now passed that I can speak/write without being emotional and probably irrational. 

I am not sure exactly what happened.  I keep going over and over every detail in my mind.

What could we have done differently? 

I realize there is not one clear answer.

 

When you were dropping me off and said you just wanted “to get done with it” and go home, that said it all…

Still I was hopeful that it was not as I had heard.

Then the extremely loud silence the rest of Sunday.

Then the short text.  

An addiction? What to say to that?

There it was: the end!

 

It started so full of hope.

I thought to myself: This is it! 

I told people: I found him!  

 

 I still think the world of you and I think you think highly of me too.

Unfortunately mutual admiration was not enough to make WE work.

 Sad is an understatement. But this is not a failure.  

We wanted it to work. We tried. I know I did. 

 

It is my hope that we are able to remain in each other’s life and build a friendship.

Blessings and light to you!”

 

I wrote that at night on Tuesday night. The next morning, yesterday, he send me the following reply:

I don’t think I meant “to get done with it” in the same way you took it. I use that term to mean just I’m done with the day – just waiting till I go to bed. Sunday was unfortunate because as I said – spent the day dirty helping JP with his bus. Phone away. But yes- something was wrong. 

The addiction comment – because neither of us were contacting the other – knew you were felling it as well so I figured some sort of contact would be like a quick fix for both of us.

I started full of hope as well

I felt you were custom made for me.

I feel VERY highly of you for sure – everything I’ve said still stands. I think you’re an incredible and rare woman.

Somethings piled up on me that weekend and they got the better of me

That’s all I can say.

You’re still on my mind pretty much all day – I think I just might need some time.

(right now on the radio – Florida Georgia Line’s – ” if it’s meant to be -it’ll be” )  

 

I didn’t reply as I think it requires none.  We both said our piece.   I am not sure I know what “I think I just might need some time” means exactly.  Does he need time to become friends? If so, he can take all the time in the world.

I said what I wanted to say and I feel light.  His response makes no difference.

****

And then as I was about to publish that yesterday, he sents me a text with some funny comment.  I replied and said:

“I thought you needed time.  A whole 5 hours?”

He laughed. We exchanged another couple of pleasant texts and that was it.

Perhaps we can be friends after all.  It feels good to end on a good note.

 

and here is the song he mentioned: