“Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.” – Jack Canfield
This is just a quick update to tell you what is going on between G and I.
Nothing is going on, and this nothingness is brutal. I would declare us officially over as boyfriend and girlfriend. I am holding out hope that we eventually can become friends but that remains to be seen.
At 12:14pm yesterday he texted me:
“Hard to have an addiction”
I am not 100% sure what that means but I think that he means being addicted to me or to getting my emails in the morning. I remember him mentioning once being addicted to waking up and seeing a text from me.
We had a little routine. He always texted good night first and I always texted good morning first, normally with a sweet cartoon or a funny meme.
Yesterday I didn’t text good morning as I had not heard from him since 10am the prior day. I felt he was the one that would have to reach out if he wanted to. If I were the one to reach out it would seem that I am okay with how things had been going, and I am not.
“Blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.” – Jack Canfield
After a day of silence to just text that one sentence it is also very telling in its brevity.
I didn’t reply. What is there to say?
I hate to be silent, but if I were to reply with the truth, which is, that I miss him and that I am sad that things didn’t work out; that would probably just drag things on. It would eventually fall apart later.
There were too many things that I was putting up with to be nice and accommodating. I was making it all about him. Unlike many of the guys before, in this one I saw future, so I forgot about myself for awhile. I think eventually I would grow tired. Actually I was already tired.
And so was he!
I keep thinking back to him saying that he just wanted to be “done with it”. That was the moment for me that told me that things were over and would never work out no matter how much I wanted them to.
That should not be the sentiment of any man dropping me off at home. That should not be the sentiment of anyone getting to know each other. I imagine a person trapped in a miserable marriage saying that.
If he feels that way now, I can only imagine a few months, and years down the line.
“You got to let go of the good to embrace the great” – Jack Canfield
I guess I felt a little that way too. I would be eager to see him, then I would start seeing in all the ways that we didn’t mesh. Then as soon as we said good bye I would be dying to see him again.
Still I don’t want to hurt him. I feel my silence hurts, but at the same time, silence may be the kindest thing I can do. If he compared me to an addiction, then helping him quit is the best thing I can do.
I would love to attempt a friendship but I think we need some time apart. Perhaps when some time passes I will reach out and check on him, but for now it would seem just an attempt to still want to work on something that would never work.
He wanted to just be done with it. Now we are and I think we are both much better off for it. If not better, we both deserve different. This is not a failure, this is discovery, it is growth!
“Sometimes you dance with a partner, and sometimes you dance alone. But the important thing is to keep dancing.” – Jack Canfield