Monthly Archives: January 2018

Can beggars be choosers?

11 Thursday Jan 2018

Posted by in Daily Life, Food

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You probably heard the saying “Beggars can’t be choosers”, but can they?

This morning as I exited the train and was walking through the lower level of Grand Central Station I noticed that there was a man next to the ordering line at Zaro’s Bakery.  It seemed he was asking people in line for something.  I assumed he was asking for food.

I will stop dead in my tracks if I see someone that I think is hungry.

I approached cautiously as nowadays I cannot be sure of somebody’s mental state.  I have been yelled at before.

The following exchange ensued:

Me: Can I get you something?

He seemed unsure for a second but then he said:  tea with sugar

Me: Would you like something to eat?

Looking at the food cases displaying all kinds of pre-made sandwiches and other items, he said:  perhaps 2 boiled eggs.

Me: That is it? What about a sandwich?

He answered:  Perhaps some cheese.  If I get one of those (he pointed to a wrap sandwich) it will be a waste.  I don’t eat meat, lettuce, tomato, and those other stuff.

Then he added: I am homeless but I am a picky eater.

I smiled. Before I could say anything, the server, who had been waiting and listening to this exchange said: What about a grilled cheese?

He seemed thrilled with that suggestion and responded:  yes I like that!

I paid for the tea, eggs and grilled cheese and gave him the change.  I wished him a blessed day and walked away as he stayed and waited for his grilled cheese.

A choosy beggar made my day!

Now looking back, and perhaps if I was not one of those New Yorkers always in a hurry, I should have asked him the reason why he eats what he eats.  I should have asked him his name and his story.  I am always curious about how a person arrived at a certain situation.  I also want them to feel that someone cares.

Next time…

“I slept and I dreamed that life is all joy. I woke and I saw that life is all service. I served and I saw that service is joy.”  – Kahlil Gibran

 

“WTF What the Health?

07 Sunday Jan 2018

Posted by in Daily Life

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I watched the Netflix documentary “ What the Health”.  My friend A. who is a naturopathic doctor asked me to watch it and give him my thoughts.

I have a feeling he thought it would make me decide to stop eating meat on the spot. He mentioned that many of his clients are going Vegan as a result of watching it.

I want to state that my opinions about this documentary are just that: my opinions. I have not studied nutrition, I have not read any of the studies, I have not spoken to any professionals about it.  My opinions are based in what I have read, experienced and noticed in all my years in this planet. So please take it for what it is: the ramblings of an unapologetic occasional meat eater.

I didn’t like it! I felt Veganism was being forced down my throat.  It tried to scare people into stopping eating all animal products. I believe in a more sensitive approach.  I appreciate some of the message but I don’t like how it was done.  Here are some of the problems I had with it:

  • I don’t feel it was a documentary.  To me documentaries are not this one-sided.  This felt more like propaganda.  It had an agenda: to turn the entire population Vegan.  It chose studies that were intended to prove their point and not to educate the viewer.  We can find studies to support any type of statement we are trying to make.  It doesn’t mean it is the absolute truth.
  • I don’t like scare tactics. It was too much in your face.  It drove-in the message that if you are eating animal products you are killing yourself.  It was meant to scare and not to educate.  Scaring people into a healthier diet is not the answer.
  • Throughout the documentary it would show people with different illness such as asthma, diabetes, heart disease, etc.  They would talk about their confusion and frustration with their their situation and having to take countless medication and still not feeling any better. Towards the end of the film it showed the same people after no eating animal product for 2 weeks.  They miraculously were cured.   It seemed too far fetched to me to think that the answer to all medical problems would get resolved in 2 weeks. That claim to me is just not credible. Also it didn’t provide any information on what the people were doing before.  What was their diet before?  Did they exercise?  Smoke, etc?
  • It showed a comedian from the show Jackass talking about walking out a charity diabetes benefit luncheon because there was chicken served and he equated that with serving alcohol at an AA meeting. That was a bit too silly and dramatic for my taste.
  • It showed body builders and athletes that achieved great results without eating meat.  Some people will achieve whatever they set their minds to no matter the circumstance so I really didn’t see the point of showing those people.
  • They made some statements that seemed just too wild and even irresponsible such as:
    • The cause of diabetes is not sugar but meat
    • Eating eggs is as bad to our health as smoking
    • Milk and cheese causes cancer
    • Institutionalized Racism -the government promotes milk to African Americans knowing that they are lactose intolerant and will get sick

The documentary had some valid points and it highlighted for me some real problems that needs to be addressed.  Unfortunately some of the message got lost in the fear-mongering. It talked about the unfair treatment of animals, toxins in our food, environmental concerns in the raising of the animals for our food, the role of government and corporations and charities accepting money from big corporations.  I think it could have done a better job of presenting a more unbiased view, but those topics cannot be discounted and we need to be aware of them.

I believe the following:

  • There is a health crises in America.  As a nation we are getting sicker and sicker.  I believe more effort needs to be placed in Education.  We need to have better nutrition in schools and at home.  Parents need to stop thinking that McDonald is an acceptable dinner every day of the week.
  • The lives of kids are becoming as sedentary as workers in a office.  Kids sit in front of the computer the whole day. When not in front of a computer they are getting calluses on their fingers from playing on the cell phone.  Kids shouldn’t have calluses on their fingers, they should have scraped knees from running around in the park and from riding bikes.
  • There needs to be transparency in what organizations are receiving money from what companies. Are the information being divulged to the public being compromised?
  • We as nation need to have a more human and ethical approach to the way the animals raised for food are being treated.  The way they are treated, where they are kept, what they are fed, that all affects their well being and it will in turn be absorbed by us as we eat their meat. We need to respect, value and be grateful for the meat they give us and treat them with that in mind.
  • We must not forget how the environment is being affected by meat processing plants, etc. We need better regulation so that our waterways and air is not being polluted.  We need more sustainable and eco-friendly alternatives. We need more assistance to small farmers and producers.
  • We all benefit from eating a more balanced diet with more plant and less meat.  We need more greens and less reds.  We need more natural and less artificial.
  • We need documentaries that empower people. That presents both sides of a point and let’s the viewer form his/her own opinion.  Don’t tell me what to do.  Give me education and empower me to do the right thing.

I think it is irresponsible to vilify an entire food group.  I think that wellness involves a more moderate, inclusive and overall approach.  I believe it should include body, mind and soul.  Food is extremely important, but one must not forget to include enough exercise, adequate sleep, stress control, etc.

The film does a disservice when it says that meat and not sugar is that problem when it comes to diabetes, and everything else for that matter.  If that was true I would be in heaven as I much rather eat sugar then meat.

People shouldn’t automatically remove from their diets all animal products (meats, cheese, milk, eggs), instead they should take a look at what they are not eating that they should be eating instead.  I struggle with carbs and sugar.  I know I should be eating less of them and more fruits and vegetables.  I have been trying to keep a food journal so that I can better see what I am really eating and the changes I need to make. Perhaps I can get to the bottom of the chronic hives I have.

My friend and I spoke about the film a couple of nights ago.  He sounded disappointed that I didn’t like it as much as he did.  I was disappointed that he gave it a free pass on the exaggerated nutritional statements and total biased approach.

I approached it from a nutritional point of view. He approached from an ethical, moral treatment of animals view.  I agree with him that the conditions that some animal are raised and farmed are appalling, but that was not news to me.  It is naive for anyone to think that every meat consumed comes from happy animals roaming free in a pasture listening to music and eating fresh grass.  I had watched different documentaries and have heard many stories since I was a child of how the animals are raised.

I think that if I was a person that ate meat on a daily basis perhaps this documentary would have a bigger affect on me.  Growing up in Brazil meat was expensive, so we never ate a lot of it. Now I rarely make meat at home, so sometimes when I go to restaurants I indulge and that is what my friend sees when we go out.  Perhaps that is why my friend thought I needed to watch it.

At the end of the day I am glad I watched it as it made me think more about what I am eating and not eating and about the animal industry.   Anything that makes us think and be more aware of the world around is a good thing.

As I like to say:  I believe in moderation and balance in all things, except love!

“The single greatest lesson the garden teaches is that our relationship to the planet need not be zero-sum, and that as long as the sun still shines and people still can plan and plant, think and do, we can, if we bother to try, find ways to provide for ourselves without diminishing the world. ”  – Michael Pollan

The second date was a success! Now what?

06 Saturday Jan 2018

Posted by in Daily Life

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“It is not uncommon for someone to be a self-saboteur and compound that by also having a victim mentality. It is as though they are holding their own breath and then blaming others for their inability to breathe. If they can break free from this cycle, everything in their life changes for the better.” – Steve Maraboli

Now I start getting scared and I either run away or I try to scare him away.  I will say something I shouldn’t. I will find faults.

He made the mistake of telling me that he likes me and that there is nothing I can do that will make him go away. He is smitten! I am scared!

What am I afraid of?  I am not sure. Perhaps I fear getting hurt or hurting someone.  Perhaps I fear being cheated on again. Perhaps I fear losing my freedom.

I have been trying to sabotage this potential relationship ever since. My mind is working overtime trying to find problems with him and reasons why it is not going to work.

Even before going on the second date I was already trying to sabotage it. He texted me to ask me which restaurant we should meet at.  I had a problem with that. I wanted him to choose the place.

I know that is a pretty bitchy attitude. Since I am not a bitchy person I think it is my subconscious attempt to mess things up.

I stopped, thought about what I was doing and decided to choose a restaurant instead of telling him that he should choose the place.

I chose a place I had been to before, Lea Wine Bar. It is a nice Tapas and Sushi place with a great atmosphere.  I had 2 lychee martinis that were amazing.  I even had Sushi for the first time.  Even though I have been to some of the best sushi places in Manhattan, I always ordered something else.  This time I tried the eel and it was good. I had some other tapas dishes, empanadas and bruschettas.

I told him at dinner that I like the man to choose the restaurant and that I was initially upset that he had asked me to choose.  He said that he wanted me to choose so that I could choose a convenient location but that from now on he is happy to choose it every time.

He is one of the nicest guys I have ever been on a date with.  My EX (the one that broke my heart and was what caused me to start this blog) was one of the nicest men too. He adored me from day 1. He treated me like a princess.  Then I found out he was cheating.

I don’t want to let that experience prevent me from giving this guy a chance, from giving me a chance. We are both excited about each other and the future, even though we have met only twice.  Unfortunately the weather here in the Northeast is brutal, so we are not sure when we will be meeting again.  Saturday and Sunday the cold will be record breaking and I don’t want him traveling over 1 hr to take me to dinner in such a weather.

He is very thoughtful and wants to take me anywhere I want to go.  He already got tickets for us to go to the Opera. His favorite Opera is La Boheme and he thinks that I will like it too. It is for February 16, which means that we have to be together until then. That is our joke now, that we have to put up with each other until then.

He is respectful, perhaps a bit too respectful. He kissed my hand a couple of minds and finally kissed me when I made it clear that it was okay.  The kiss didn’t blow me away. It was mostly a couple of pecks on my lips. I can tell, and he has told me, that he doesn’t to rush anything and upset me.

I didn’t want the date to end.  It felt comfortable and easy.  We both feel as if we have known each other forever.  It feels right.  But then the minute I step away I start questioning it, dissecting it, looking for problems.

Nothing is happening and I already have visions of missing being single. He is 59, and perhaps he is too old for me.  He lives too far, and I don’t like to drive.  Maybe he doesn’t know how to kiss and I will have to tell him that.  He is a laid back Pisces, I am a in your face Aries.

Now what?  Perhaps I can learn to be quiet and enjoy the moment, and not talk him and myself out of giving this a chance. Perhaps I can learn to not let my past interfere with my future. Perhaps I can just turn off my mind and be here now.

Perhaps I should just breathe!

***

“Closing The Cycle – Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.” 

– Paulo Coelho

Anticipation that makes me giddy and Confrontation that makes my blood boil

03 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by in Dating, Finding Me

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“The idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting” – Andy Warhol

A great date!

On December 30th I met someone that drove over an hour in a car with no heat to take me out to dinner.  You probably have heard of how cold the Northeast is now, so he deserves an A for effort alone.  All I had to do was walk out of my building and turn a corner.

By his pictures and short profile I didn’t think we would be a romantic match.  Not that he was ugly, but he had only 3 pictures that were just weird. One of them was a selfie in front of a mirror without a shirt.  I don’t like such pictures.  On another he had spiky hair and looked a bit off.  He looked like an old rocker that perhaps had a little too much to drink. I hope he never reads this lol.  His profile didn’t tell me much, it was just a couple of generic lines.

What made me decide to meet him was his emails to me.  From the first one he took his time and wrote meaningful things.  He asked me interesting questions about things I mentioned in my profile.  He asked me about myself.  I detected openness and honesty.  I was intrigued.  I thought that we could have a nice evening and that the worst it could happen is that I would make a new friend.

He chose a great Italian restaurant.  Extra points for not being cheap.  Upon meeting we just clicked. I saw that he was a bit shy and unsure in the very the beginning, but I think I disarmed him with my friendly attitude.  I really never met a stranger.  He turned out to be so real and open.

“… We need the sweet pain of anticipation to tell us we are really alive.” – Albert Camus

We stared and smiled at each other the whole time.  He was so different than what his pictures had shown.  I told him that.  The hair was still a little spiky but tame. I wanted to touch it but refrained from it.  Some people can be very touchy about their hair. 🙂

Before the night was over he asked me on a second date.  He told me how beautiful and funny I was and that he was having a great time.

We ended the night with a quick hug.  I would have been okay with a kiss, but I so appreciate him being respectful.

We are going on a second date tomorrow. This time we will be meeting in Manhattan. Again he is being considerate and said he will be meet me near the train station so I don’t have to go out of my way.

We both seem equally excited about this second date.  Stay tuned, I am hoping for fireworks.  If you have been reading my blog you know I have gotten excited before and things haven’t always end up well, but I am not letting past experiences curb my enthusiasm.

This anticipation is priceless so I am going to dwell in, marinate in and enjoy every second of it. I am going to be stupidly giddy and happy with butterflies in my stomach.  I am going to hope that holds my hand and that he kisses me.

I hope he is real and I have not dreamed him up.

“Never forget that anticipation is an important part of life. Work’s important, family’s important, but without excitement, you have nothing. You’re cheating yourself if you refuse to enjoy what’s coming.” – Nicholas Sparks

***

“It may be important to great thinkers to examine the world, to explain and despise it. But I think it is only important to love the world, not to despise it, not for us to hate each other, but to be able to regard the world and ourselves and all beings with love, admiration and respect.” – Herman Hesse

One of the worst dates ever!

Even with a second promising date scheduled I decided not to cancel a previously scheduled date I had tonight.

I didn’t like that he was a little evasive about work.  He said he was taking classes at the moment and writing a play.  I wanted to have an open mind and give him the benefit of the doubt.  I am a sucker for people that are passionate about something and he seemed passionate about the arts.

In my conversations with him he seemed a bit awkward. How wrong I was!  He was not awkward, he was just a jerk! And I don’t use that term loosely.

For starters, picture this: We are standing in line at the coffee shop and while I am asking the server a question about a pastry, he orders and pays for his coffee.  I should have said good night right then and there.  If I a guy cannot be courteous enough to pay for the lady’s cup of coffee on the first date then he should have no business attempting to date.

After finding a table and sitting down with our coffees he took a piece of a donut I got after I asked him if he wanted some.  He took a piece, ate it, then started to lick each finger more than once.  I offered him a napkin.  Then he took another piece and repeated the same finger licking exercise.  All of a sudden I didn’t want any more of this amazing coconut cream donut.  Strike 2!

He started talking about a play he wrote about religion.  It seemed interesting and I told him that.  I agreed with him that there are religious fanatics out there and people can get insane about religion.

He sneezed and I said: God bless you.  He responded by saying he didn’t believe in God.  When I opened my mouth to say something he immediately said:  “Here comes the questions”.  And from there things became confrontational.

I asked: What questions?  He said that people normally start questioning him on why he doesn’t believe in God.  I could sense his confrontational tone.  I said that there would be no questions from me as I respected his beliefs and hoped that he would respect that I believe in God and didn’t want to talk about it at that point.

He clearly was disappointed that I didn’t want to engage on a debate over the existence of God.  He ignored my wishes of not wanting to discuss the subject.  He kept going on and on trying to get a reaction out of me.  I kept saying that I could debate it but was not interested in it.

One thing I dislike most is when people try to change my mind about some belief I have.  Specially when I say that I am not interested in discussing it.

He said: “But I should be allowed to say why I don’t believe”.  I said: “Go ahead”

He mentioned that the main reason that he couldn’t believe in God it was because he couldn’t understand if God exists why he chooses to only help some people and not others. And if that is the case God is very incompetent. He said that with a smirk as if he expected that word “incompetent” would make me mad.

At some point in response to something he said I said he had a simplistic view.  He got up got his jacket and said I offended him.  I said that my words were not meant to offend but that if I offended him I apologized.  Truly, I never want to offend anyone and my comment was not meant to offend.  I also said that that was one of the reasons why I didn’t want to discuss it.  The moment I said something he didn’t like he was ready to go.

He sat back down, but instead of changing the subject he continued trying to push me to talk about my reasons for believing in God and to explain that eternal question: “Why bad things happen to good people”

I mentioned that I didn’t have all the answers and I felt it was a deep and long conversation as I would have to talk about all my studies since I was a child and being exposed to all sorts of religions and different philosophies of life, including topics such as spiritualism, reincarnation, karma, etc.

While I don’t have a problem talking about why I chose to believe in God, a Superior being, the Universe, The Light, or whatever name people choose to call it, I felt he was intent in proving me wrong.  He seemed to want a debate and not a healthy discussion.

“Tolerance isn’t about not having beliefs. It’s about how your beliefs lead you to treat people who disagree with you.” – Timothy J. Keller

I know people with different beliefs and have had many great conversations on our different believes.  In the end we end up getting even closer understanding our differences.  I think it is important to try to understand each other, with always having respect at the forefront.  But he seemed intent on proving a point and not open to listening.  I am not interested in that.

It is not only the fact that I said I didn’t want to about it.  It was also not only about what he was saying but how he was saying it.  He had a smirk on his face as if he held the knowledge in his hands and I was this poor ignorant being in the darkness.  I didn’t like the cynicism in his voice and his ironic tone.

Towards the end he started saying that I had issues if I was not willing to discuss different topics.  This is a first date and I think I am allowed to refuse to discuss any subjects I don’t want to discuss. After putting up with it as much as I could and not wanting to be in that negative energy any longer,  this time I was the one getting up and leaving. It never felt as good and freeing walking away from someone.

By the way the whole time there was guy sitting in a table across from listening to our conversation.  He would from time to time just shake his head in disbelief.  At one point I thought he was going to come over. I should have walked to his table when I got up.

Once again, for the record, I am a firm believer in God.  It sustains me, it grounds me and it gives me wings.  But I don’t need people to agree with me.  I am respectful of people that hold different beliefs. I don’t profess to have the right answer and I would be leery of anyone that think that they do.

The only thing that I hope for is the universal belief in the Golden Rule.  Let’s do no harm and let’s strive for peace, understanding and respect.

“What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents.” – Robert F.Kennedy