Tags
accepting changes, changing my ways, learning from problems, living in the moment, making out in a bar, navigating dating waters, skiing in Vermont
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” -Rumi
I am special, but not unique. Everyone has problems, big and small. What makes the difference is how we choose to handle them.
My plate is still full of problems and headaches at work and at home, but I am back to wearing my rose-colored glasses, so all is changed. An adjustment in attitude and perception changes everything. I am taking ownership of my problems, instead of letting them own me. I am actually enjoying them for the immense opportunity they offer. I am relishing in the knowledge that they will not last forever. This too shall pass!
I am also battling a bad cold this week that has left me achy and unfocused. For a second I felt overwhelmed and like a victim. It seemed everything was happening at once. Why can’t problems and illnesses call in advance and make an appointment? I could just say : No, this week I have a cold scheduled, come the following week. 🙂
Now for the good stuff: My boyfriend took me skiing in Vermont last weekend. He knew I was dying to go skiing so he made it happen. Too bad he couldn’t do anything about the weather. We had to take our skiing lessons in the rain. It was awesome anyway.
While in Vermont we also went to see comedian Jim Breuer. He was great, but so loud (am I getting old?). The comedian that opened for him, Chris Monty, was hilarious. It was great to spend a weekend of laughter and adventure, and forget about problems. Well, a tenant called complaining about water issues in the middle of Sunday, but I was able to make some calls and then get back to the fun. Anytime issues came to mind I would get into the gratitude mode and just chant: thank you, over and over again. It works!
MF, the boyfriend, is so sweet. He is trying hard to make me happy and make this relationship works. Still cautious and unsure, I proceed taking one day at a time.
There was a moment in Vermont when I made him uncomfortable. We were in a pub after the comedy show and I decided to have, not one, but 2 cosmopolitans. I will normally have a glass of wine or a cocktail when out socially, 2 max. I never got drunk and don’t want to start now. I am a control freak so the idea of being drunk terrifies me. Still one glass is enough to make me even friendlier and happier.
There weren’t that many people in the pub and at one point I hugged and kissed him. He called it making out; I thought it was just flirtatious behavior. I don’t think it was bad, I know how to behave. He is very shy, I am very not. He had mentioned he had no problems with PDA so I was a little taken aback by his discomfort. He doesn’t want to make a big deal of this difference and says he will be able to adjust. First, I wonder if someone can really change and second, I wonder if I want someone to change for me…
“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” – Lemony Snicket
My ex-husband and I were at a country dance club many, many years ago. I was acting flirtatious, trying to get him to dance with me. He told me I was acting like a whore. Emphasis on “ex” husband.
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I am glad he is an Ex with that kind of attitude. My boyfriend actually didn’t say anything at the time and went along with it, but I could sense his discomfort, so later on I brought up the subject and he confirmed that it was out of his comfort zone. We are getting to know each other so I am trying not to read too much into anything, and just taking a day at a time. I hope you have been dancing up a storm. Thank you for your comment and many blessings!
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Hmmmm … I just feel so uncomfortable about what he (your now-boyfriend) said to you. Two cosmos? Glad you’re a control freak. Shit, he’d hate me downing 4 glasses of wine and then acting like Ellen Degeneres. Oh, yes, he would hate me … tons. And after anesthesia, EVERYONE gets a hug. You pass my room, you will get a hug if I have just come out from under anesthesia — I’m talking about real anesthesia — not the booze kind.
He oughta be happy you ain’t no bitch witch w/ alcohol in you! There are some people who turn mighty nasty w/ any amount of alcohol in their body.
Anyway, maybe it’s a good time to become a teetotaler or just give up alcohol (or him) forever. Wonder what other controlling … I mean conservative ways this “shy” guy has? Bleh. You’re a better soul than me to put up with this dude. Think I’ll go have a glass of wine now … kidding it’s only 3 pm in the afternoon! I do have limits!
I have read that in all relationships (romantic kind) there are 10 things that you will never agree upon and every person will have their different 10 … it’s just what you’re willing to put up with or to compromise. No one is the person’s perfect ideal mate — it’s simply that some mates are MORE ideal than others.
Maybe shy boyfriend has a bad past story where some lush dumped him for another dude at a party or some other PTSD-like story. Maybe there’s alcoholism in his family or he’s seen a friend destroyed by the effects of alcohol so that’s his touchy spot. Who knows? Maybe he’s a control freak too and is afraid of losing you to others … maybe there is some insecurity mixed in with the “shyness”.
I guess you gotta keep dating so you can explore these roads and thoughts and past experiences to get to know a person better. Some things are definite red flags and others are maybe pasty yellows that invite more exploration and time. Who knows? Maybe you two will laugh over this little story five years from now when you’re pregnant with child #3 after having the most-amazing wedding. We never know what the future holds … but I do now it will hold a glass of Prosecco for me sometime in the future … and people will get friendly hugs at parties from me. Just sayin’.
Good luck to you! Hope you feel better from your cold. Love your quotes. And always love hearing about your life experiences! 🙂
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Hi Elizabeth, as always I really appreciate your insight and you taking the time to comment on my posts.
Perhaps I haven’t expressed myself well in my post or perhaps for some reason I just feel the need to defend my boyfriend (I know I can be really hard on people specially on the ones that seem to like me a lot). I don’t think he acted bad that evening. If anything I wish he would have spoken up at that moment and would speak up more any time he is not comfortable. He would never have said anything if I had not brought up the subject. He only said he felt uncomfortable because I asked him if he was.
Later on when I continued to bring up the subject he said he wished I would not make a big deal of it and that he can adjust to my level of PDA. He is always reminding me to take one day at a time.
I say whatever comes to mind and whatever I am feeling when I am feeling it. He holds things inside and will not say anything for fear of hurting me or for fear that I will not want to continue the relationship. This is what I think, he has not said that. He said that he rather think about issues and bring it up when he has had a chance to digest things.
I don’t like that he is so willing to change to please me. I like and I don’t like that, it is a fine line. I want someone to be themselves and not change because I want them to. But I seem someone I often see potential instead of appreciating what is in front of me.
Right now I don’t want to make hash decisions and totally dismiss him because he is uncomfortable about being kissed in a bar or because he is so willing to change for me. . This is the time we are learning about each other and about what we can deal with or what we cannot or don’t want to deal with.
I will keep on dating and exploring for now. Just stay tune and you will see how all turns out 🙂
by the way, I would love your hugs, boozy or not 🙂 Many blessings to you! 🙂
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Yeah, sometimes ya just gotta give people time. Maybe it’s something to talk about later the PDA and 2 drink thing. People should be themselves — that’s a great statement. I wish I was myself more, but sometimes I want to people please and for things to just smooth over.
I’ll keep reading and see what happens. I wish you the best in whatever happens. Dating is a scary game at times … I’ve been down that lane many times.
BTW: Just so you know my other blog that I gave you access to is boring and I don’t keep up with it. There are only 3 posts in that ol’ blog so you’ll be done reading it in a heartbeat!
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Hi Elizabeth
Like you, I sometimes try too hard to please others, but some will never be pleased. So, for now, for better or worst, I am working on pleasing myself first. I was burned out of online dating and when I decided to take a break I met the boyfriend, funny how things happen.
Keep on reading and we will see how things will turn out. AS of now your guess is as good as mine 🙂 Have a blessed weekend!
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🙂
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I’m so glad you had fun! I love comedians. 😀
As for MF, it sounds like you guys have slightly different definitions of what level the A in PDA actually means, lol. I’ve known guys who thought hand-holding was just right, and there was one guy I met who thought that finding places to have sex in public were okay, like changing rooms. Everyone has a different “thrill” level, I suppose! You two will figure out your mutual comfort level, I’m sure. 🙂
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Hi Vanessa
MF and I are definitely not in synch when it comes to Affection, public or not. I am more forward and he is more reserved, but It think that we can perhaps meet in the middle. We shall see… Thank you for the comment and have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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You too, Star!
I’m sure you’ll work it out – there are worse things to be not-in-sync about in a relationship, right? so hopefully it’s not a deal-breaker for you! I’m happy things seem to be goind well otherwise. 🙂
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Hi Vanessa, unfortunately I am about to break up with MF. Things are not right as far as my feelings are concerned. I just wrote about it. I am a bit sad as he has become a great friend, but also happy as it feels it is the right thing to do. Thank you for the good thoughts. Have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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I am so sorry that things didn’t work out for you! 😦
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I was sad for a bit but I realized that when something/someone leaves is to leave room for something/someone better suited for me to come in. Thank you for the kindness. Blessings! 🙂
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That is a good, positive attitude to have. 🙂
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Thank you! 🙂
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Finally someone who understands that the losing control in being drunk is not fun! I too like to be predictable…. Though teaching has loosened me up very much I still don’t like losing control of body… So never go past tipsy. Last time i had a wobbly moment….and i was like sorry glass you will remain undrained
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Indeed I don’t get it why some people have to drink until they pass out. I don’t ever want to try that. 1 or 2 drinks are plenty for me. I am already high on life! Thank you for your thoughts and have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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Love this post and process of self realization as i feel exactly the same way in challenging myself to perceive better, act higher, think sweeter. Haha…love how in tune you are to what you want…and definitely pdas are just right with the right one who is proud to have you by their side!
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Thank you, I am always looking to get to know myself better and improve myself…at least I am finding out what I don’t want. PDAs are the best!! 🙂
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