“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” ― Rumi
This post was going to be called “Disappearing Act” but I already have a post with that name plus I believe this disappearance act is the act of my very astute Guardian Angel.
Do you remember the drug guy that became my friend, the one I spoke about a couple of posts ago? He totally fell off the face of earth, or so it seems.
It is all very odd. We had been talking on the phone and texting every single day. In our very last texting exchange we were joking, talking about my new tenant and also making plans to have buffalo chicken wings. I had mentioned that he should search for the best place to have wings and it would be my treat since he had been treating me to dinner/drinks every time we saw each other so I thought it should be my turn.
Then there is just silence, no text, no phone call, nothing. We never had any disagreements and even the drug issue was really a non-issue. I said my part he said his and we were past that as if it never happened. We had become close fast friends, one of those very easy friendships.
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” ― Deborah Reber
In the past I would have created crazy scenarios in my mind such as him being involved in some kind of accident, or perhaps losing his phone and not being able to contact me. In the past I would have texted and called to see if he was okay and alive, but I don’t do that anymore. In the past when I contacted a new friend or date that had gone silent they normally would say they had been busy or something like and then go silent again.
Now I choose non-reaction and acceptance. I am only human, so of course I am curious about what happened, but not enough to contact him. I have also been so busy with my moving apartments that only now I have the time to think and write about it.
I feel my life is an open book; my presence is optional, whoever wants to stay, stay, whoever wants to leave, leave. No questions asked. No pressure, no commitment. Of course there is something called courtesy, and treating others politely, I do it but not everyone chooses to do it. I like to be upfront, if I don’t want to see someone again I say so. I choose honesty but it is up to each one of us to do as we please.
“The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.” ― Stephanie Perkins
When I say this disappearance is the act of my guardian angel is because unexplainable events such as this to me have deeper meaning. They are small miracles, they are God’s sign of which direction I should be going, or going a step further, it is God forcing my hand and choosing the right direction for me.
I had been ambivalent from the beginning if I should continue a friendship with him or not. While I am totally against any use of drugs in my life I like to be non-judgmental. I like to be open to friendships with people from all walks of life. I am an all-opportunity friend. We never know who will be the vessel for the next lesson, who will be the source of the next smile and the next comforting word. I also think I am not above people; I am not perfect, I am not better than my fellow human being just because I say no to drugs. I believe people are put on our path for different reasons. He had a reason to come into my life. Perhaps he was a test. Perhaps he was a wakeup call. Perhaps he was a reminder of what I should be doing. Perhaps he is teaching me the joy of being able to accept people as they are and also to learn to let them go when they choose to leave. I don’t have to know the reason for his appearance in my life right now, I just need to be aware of it.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu
Perhaps my guardian angel realized we were getting too close and the friendship could have become something else, something that would not be good for me in the long run. It is so freeing when one learns acceptance. I am writing about it now not because it still bothers me but because I am proud and happy of how I am handling it and how unaffected by it I am.
I would not change anything about meeting him, about saying no to his offer of fun, about continuing to seeing him and of now accepting his disappearance. Life is better when it is easy. Friendships are better when are free from entanglements and pressure. I am not saying that my life is a revolving door one gets to come and go as one pleases. You get to go any time you choose but allowing entrance back is another story! I don’t believe in burning bridges but I believe some deserve to be totally imploded, not only the bridge but the roads leading to it. Some things are best left in the past so that we can embrace our future.
Thank you my angels for showing me the wise way, for making me realize that trying to build something solid on shaky ground would never work. I bow to your infinite knowledge and protection. I am blessed and I know it!
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli