Zinful Sangria
“Looking at the past is like lolling in a rocking chair. It is so relaxing and you can rock back and forth on the porch, and never go forward. ” ― Martha Graham, Blood Memory
Last night I met someone that I had dated for a few months 7 years ago. Even though we were compatible and had fun the relationship ended because he mentioned that his family would not accept me because I was 10 years older than he was. I appreciated his honesty but I felt offended and decided to stop seeing him.
This week we reconnected on LinkedIn and decided to have dinner together. I knew before meeting that I had no interest in revisiting the past and this was just going to be a platonic relationship. I have a feeling that he thought it could be more since we are both single at this time.
“A ship does not sail with yesterday’s wind.” ― Louis L’Amour, The Walking Drum
We went to a Latin Fusion restaurant and the food and drinks were delicious. We talked like old friends. He did not recall the breakup the way that I did. He now says that the age difference is meaningless. As the evening wore on I confirmed my feelings of not wanting to revive a relationship.
But here is my big mistake: We kissed at the end of the evening, not only once but a bunch of times. I am not sure what I was doing/thinking. I knew I didn’t want anything with him, but I am guessing I was curious to see if there were any sparks left. There weren’t enough and still I kept kissing him. Today I am totally embarrassed and angry at myself for leading him on. I need to make sure not to repeat this stupidity!
It is amazing how something that seems so good at one point now feels completely wrong for me. What did I see in him? He is a nice guy and all, but that is it. I guess the 10 year age difference is now even more apparent. We are at two different places in life.
“It’s important not to be embarrassed by your past. The contradictions are part of what we are.” ― Richey Edwards
The worst part is that because of the kissing this guy now thinks we should date again. I am going to wait for when he asks me out again, then I will tell him how I feel. I am hoping that after a few days has passed he will feel the same way I do.
I had no business seeing this person again as I don’t think that we will really add anything to each other’s lives going forward. Also it was one of those relationships that are unremarkable and I really didn’t feel that there was anything left to be said or asked so I am not sure why I wanted to see him again. Sheer curiosity I guess!
Lessons learned! Leave the past in the past. Embrace the future, new things and people. Make new mistakes! Stop being such a flirt. I smile too much, talk too much, get too familiar too quick. Excessive friendliness can lead people on.
“No matter what they wish for, no matter how far they go, people can never be anything but themselves. That’s all.” ― Haruki Murakami, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman: 24 Stories
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“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”
― George Bernard Shaw
An update on my last post regarding the guy that I will name “The Snuggler”: I said I would not date him again and guess what? We went to dinner and dancing on Saturday. I guess this change of mind is my effort to be more open minded and give people a chance. It is also a testament to his tenacity.
It was a lot fun! He said sorry about the “miscommunication” and behaved impeccably. We danced to everything from Latin to Hip Hop. I love dancing!
Then on Sunday he called and asked if I wanted to meet him at a park near his home. He takes his dog swimming there. (I love people that loves animals). I chose not to go. I wonder if my unwillingness to drive 40 minutes to meet him means that I am not that interested.
Well, I guess I am guarded and taking my time. This week we texted a couple of times. I am not sure what will happen if he asks me out again. I will see how I feel at that moment. Perhaps the realization that I am totally indifferent about him asking me out again or not is a good clue to how I feel about him.
“I find I am much prouder of the victory I obtain over myself, when, in the very ardor of dispute, I make myself submit to my adversary’s force of reason, than I am pleased with the victory I obtain over him through his weakness.” ― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
Lessons learned, indeed! Glad the “miscommunication” was acknowledged. And the Murakami quote is wonderful!
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Thank you! I do love that quote too! I do hope to be wiser by the experience and not repeat it! Have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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The good thing from this post is that you are getting out and exploring relationships, new and old. I agree that trying to revive an old relationship after a number of years is not likely to work. In the intervening years, you’ve both grown in different ways. If you decide the new relationship is worth working on (it takes work!), do visit him on his turf once in a while. Often you can see another side of a person when they are in familiar surroundings, or just watch how he relates with his dog! Is he kind and loving?
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2 great points! First, relationships do take work and it seems nowadays the moment that requires some work people jump ship (me included). Second, very good point about seeing him in his turf, I had not thought about it. I think next time I will make more of an effort to go and meet him. Have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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I admire your insight and your honesty!
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Thank you so much!! I appreciate that! Blessings! 🙂
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I also don’t think you can judge after 2 outings with him if he is right…. relationships do need work and more knowing each other. You do need to get to know him better in all ways. You do seem to like him and enjoyed that evening. Glad you decided against that “old” relationship to be renewed.
Do give Snuggler a chance and enjoy your time with him! 🙂
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You are right, I need a slower and more open minded approach. I enjoy both dates and wouldn’t mind seem him again 🙂 he hasn’t called, we exchanged a few texts, perhaps I was a bit standoffish and he has given up or perhaps he is just too busy.
That “old” relationship was a mistake to begin with. He already texted me first thing this morning. I created unnecessary drama! 😦
All experiences that are making me realize what I want and don’t want!
Many blessings! 🙂
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Just take it as it comes…. no expectations and enjoy the moment….. as we say just be! Eventually you will see if it does go somewhere and if you do have feelings or not! All the best! 🙂
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Again you are so wise, no expectations is the key and something is hard for me to manage! Thank you! 🙂
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I’d go slow but be open… you never know… I’d also be completely honest and open about what you want… and if he chooses to interpret things differently, then I’d have to say “bye bye”…
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Hi 🙂 so happy to see you here again. Openness and honesty seems like the way to go. I am fine with honesty, and have been trying to master the slow speed, as it does not come easy to me! Many blessings to you! 🙂
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I think the guy from years ago has realised that he still likes you and that he wishes he was with you. I usually always prefer to be with guys that are at least 10 years younger than me. i don’t have much i common with guys my own age and can relate to younger guys much more easily.
A strange thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Someone I dated nearly two years ago, who is supposed to just be my friend, ended up dancing with me and at the end of the night kissing me. The kiss was nice as kisses go, but we agreed to continue to just be friends. I couldn’t have done that years ago, because he broke my heart in the past. I think we will always be attracted to each other’s look, but as for stimulating conversation and giving me what I want, it’s still never going to happen like years ago. He’s not a talker or great at keeping in touch, even as a friend, so everything is cool. He did ask me if I had forgiven him, and I said as I am talking to you and we are friends, I guess so. He kept saying we are just friends throughout the night, then changed it to him saying that I liked him and me saying I know you like me. I said we will probably always be attracted to each other (that’s not the same as love) and by the end of the night, he said he needs to decide if it’s what he wants, before taking it any further with me, as he doesn’t want to break my heart again – Did I say I wanted to have a relationship with him – No. His ego assumed it. This was before we kissed. After, he kept saying he would call or text me and I kept saying it’s fine, we are just friends and we are still friends. Years ago when I kissed him on dates, I barely knew him, but it felt like kissing a mate and wasn’t right. This time it didn’t feel like a mate and I enjoyed it, but that was it. I was quite happy to just be friends as he cannot make me happy in the long term. I have never done that before.
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Wow, that is interesting as it seems that we are both at the same space in life. We are both able to be less emotional about men that in the past had some power over us. I see that as a sign of growth.
Years ago I would have be imagining a future with this guy even though he is wrong for me.
Before, kissing someone was a big deal, now it is just a kiss (well I am still trying to learn that)
Isn’t it a great feeling that you could care less if he calls/texts or not?
Indeed he has a big ego assuming that he has the power to break your heart again when clearly you have taken that power away.
Here is to us growing and become more emotionally mature.
I also seem to have more in common with younger guys. Guys my age just seems too old. I am now actively looking for older, hoping for a different experience.
I predict great things for us as we get to know ourselves better.
Many blessings! Hello to the critters! 🙂
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Yes. We have both come a long way in our journey and it does feel great to not care about that guy in that way anymore. It means I am over him. I am definitely going to have a younger guy. Usually I am not attracted to any guy older than me. I am taking action these days to get exactly the right guy for me. I am fed up with the sex mad guys so have actively sought the right one for me, despite being happy in my single life.
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We are alike: happy single but actively looking. I think this is the best time to look for a partner, when we don’t actually need one! We won’t be settling for less than we deserve out of desperation! Blessings! 🙂
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I couldn’t agree more.
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” Leave the past in the past. Embrace the future, new things and people. Make new mistakes! ”
Thanks for these lines! I really needed these! 🙂
Keep on writing and God bless!
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Thank you! I am glad my words reached you when you needed it! Leaving the past in the past is a constant struggle for me so I need to remind myself constantly.
Blessings to you! 🙂
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We all struggle with boundaries. =)
Xxx
Diana
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Hi Diana
It is good to know I am not alone 🙂
I am getting better at it …Many blessings! 🙂
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