Trying again and again, falling down, getting up and trying again and again, that to me is life, a continuous cycle of trials, specially my life.
Going for what you want and never giving up, be it a job or love or anything else you aim at, takes determination! It also takes forgetting, forgiving and believing! oh yeah, and one must not forget their sense of humor!
Everyone says “letting go of the past” is essential to moving on. I am beginning to believe that completely “letting go of the past” may never happen for me, so instead I am focusing on making peace with the past.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds, it just makes them less vivid! The wounds are still there, like battle scars. The type of scar that still bleeds and hurts when touched.
The above quote is completely right: Letting go isn’t a thing that you do and you are done with. You have to keep doing it over and over again.
I thought that I would magically wake up one day and realize that I no longer had any thoughts of Ex and anything related to him, but that is not the case. Some mornings I wake up and the pain is as fresh as if it all happened yesterday.
I am happy embracing my future, but I find myself making frequent trips to the past. Some days out of the blue the past come flooding back as a torrent that takes me by surprise and breaks me down. I am left in a puddle of tears.
I have been putting so much pressure on myself to let go of the past that it seems to be back-firing. It is draining me and having the opposite effect. I decided to try a different approach , and an easier attitude. If I visit the past every now and then, so be it! It is not the end of the world!
I don’t want Ex anymore, but somehow there is a certain level of comfort in holding on to memories of him, good and bad. The good memories, makes me feel I was loved and that the 3 years were not in vain. The bad memories helps me to move forward, helps me to remember that I need to value myself and put myself in first place.
This has been a year of major realizations. Ex helped me realize that I am incapable of having mean thoughts and feelings about anyone, including and specially him. He wrote me an email 2 days ago thanking me for loving him so much and thanking my family for having welcomed him with open arms and treating him like family – Hurricane Sandy made him realize a few things. I cried! Even if it is all bs and chances are great that it is, it touched me and made me realize that I don’t want to hate him, I want to see him happy! Not with me, but happy!
I really loved him and it is really true what they say about wanting to see the person you love happy. I am looking past what he did that hurt me. Our relationship was the entire 3 years and not just the last few months. So he messed up in the last months. He is only human. I am willing to accept that. I think one day he will realize all he has done. But he is not there yet.
I do wish he would examine his actions so he would learn from them, but I am no longer willing to be his instructor. I am just enjoying having a heart that doesn’t know how to hate. I thank him for the great time, forgive him for the pain he caused and wish him happiness. I find comfort in not hating him. Actually I should thank him for the pain also, without pain there is no growth! I have been growing by leaps and bounds because of him!
I replied to the e-mail like I would to an old friend, but didn’t engage in additional exchanges. I am not his friend, but I am not his enemy either. He is a person I knew and cared for! Period! Perhaps I should have not replied, but I am happy I did. It makes me feel more in control this way. Trying to ignore him made me feel like I was actually giving him power over me.
I navigate life alone beautifully, and I am not faking it, I really enjoy my freedom! I love doing what I want when I want and not having to explain anything to anybody! But, yes there is a but, I really want to find someone with my same values, humor and energy to go through life together. I want to find someone that thinks that life is both a blessing and a big adventure!
In the meantime I am working on myself, enjoying life and always in search of people and things that will add to my life not detract from it.
I am also looking at how I present myself and how I treat others. Forgetting about me, me, me and focusing on a greater good sounds like a good recipe for a better future! Can I behave today better than I did yesterday? How many people can I make smile tomorrow?
I choose to be happy!!! 🙂
carolynpageabc said:
I can’t see you having many problems with attitudes such as these.
People will always disappoint if we place an expectation upon them; we are human after all..
I believe one of the wisest things I’ve learned is to allow people their mistakes; as we allow ourselves our own. Hatred can not happen when we view all of us for the fragile beings that we are; all doing whatever we can to get through this great adventure called life. Some of the things we do may not be very gracious; it is good when we can allow ourselves this truth…!
This was a wonderful read; Thank You…
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Carolyn
Very well said! I totally agree, realizing that as human beings we are flawed, accepting and forgiving that in ourselves and others is crucial to living a full happy life!
Thank you for your always great comments! Blessings! 🙂
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Don't Quote Lily said:
Great attitude! Nothing can be forced. We can’t flick a switch and forget someone, or flick a switch and have our soul mate magically appear. But I think with an attitude like that, things will be great, and you’ll find that special someone. I also think it’s important to be happy with yourself, rather than relying solely on another person to be your happiness. 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you! I totally agree! Until someone is happy within themselves they are not ready to be happy with somebody else! Many blessings! 🙂
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Katie said:
Your words of empowerment strengthen us all. Thank you. 8)
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Katie! thank you so much for your words of compliment! Many blessings! 🙂
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kindredspirit23 said:
Wonderful story and you have given me the theme for tonight’s post. Thanks,
Scott
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Scott. I am glad you enjoyed and it provided inspiration! Blessings! 🙂
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kindredspirit23 said:
My post for tomorrow (posts tonight at 10), makes reference and points back to your post. Thanks for the idea. I hope you will like mine as well.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
I look forward to it! 🙂
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rachel bar said:
Never let go of the past, because you were there! Hopefully, the pain of this past relationship will diminish as time goes by, and one day you’d realize you do not hurt anymore. But this is your story. You can learn from it, but not erase it.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Rachel. that is a great way to look at it! Thank you for the kind words! many blessings! 🙂
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rgonaut said:
Yup. Trying too hard just focusses your mind on the memory like a spotlight making it even harder to move your thoughts to something productive. At least you realize it!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Exactly!! I finally realize it and it has been very freeing this realization! Blessings! 🙂
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quirkybooks said:
Wow! Incredible post. Very well written and sincere. I think it’s great that you can forgive him. When I tried not to think of my ex it made me feel worse, so when I did allow myself to think about him, eventually I didn’t think about him as much. Unfortunately what he did was not just in the last few months, although those months added insult to injury.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much for liking my words so much!
I find that forgiving my Ex I am loving and honoring myself. By allowing myself the remember my past with him I feel I am giving myself control.
The great thing is that all it does get better and we do get stronger!
Many blessings! 🙂
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Amy said:
Yep! … something you do everyday. Great post!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
indeed! Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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Pingback: The Conclusion of a Lifetime: One, Anyway « Kindredspirit23's Blog
A Star on the Forehead said:
Great post, life improves and gets better once we allow it to flow! Thank you for mentioning me – It is a compliment! and here is to us growing and growing!! 🙂
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Mustang.Koji said:
Your lives will be intertwined forever. It is part of both your lives. If you realize that, coping will no longer be necessary is my thought.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
I think that realizing that our lives will always be entwined is what makes difficult to cope. But slowly I am getting there! Blessings 🙂
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Denise Hisey said:
I like what you said “Time doesn’t heal all wounds, it just makes them less vivid! The wounds are still there, like battle scars. The type of scar that still bleeds and hurts when touched.”
It’s a journey…thanks for avery powerful post!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Denise
Thank you so much! I am glad my words resonated with you!
It is a journey and it doesn’t matter how fast or slow we go as long as we don’t stop!
Blessings! 🙂
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Wendell A. Brown said:
I love your fortitude…and yet if you never let go you may very well limit the opportunity for a true blessing to enter in bringing their all embracing love, that lifts you truly as their “one and only”. A lot of times the real prize that you have always wanted is on the other side of the door that you left unopened! Much love to you my sister!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you for the wise words. I am making sure that I open all doors, windows and any opportunity that comes my way. Thank for the love, and right back to you! Many blessings! 🙂
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Clark Kent said:
I feel this post my friend… I found in all my trials that death to the past was endured but it wasn’t until I embraced it did it finally come to give me the trueness of the love that was inside of me. Ones past doesn’t define the mistakes in the present moment, for it is only in that moment we have choice. We can love deeply and stay in love as no past or future is there to claim it! It wasn’t until I embraced my pain and suffering chasing a love that I felt deeply existed, was I able to have such a thing come to me! Behind every pain was truth… I was living entirely in pain my mind kept it in front of me! My only escape was to look for every high that I possibly could. I connected to that which was my dying wish for it to end. I was more than broken I was shattered and when you start to throw things away you find yourself going back to find those pieces you dropped along the way. The point is this.. If you never embrace any of the pain, the suffering, you will not allow all those pieces of you that can take the love inside you and within the pain to make something beautiful out of it. No matter how tragic, making love this way brings the expanded place of love back to you to expand it beyond love! Every beginning will have an ending., yet every ending brings a beautiful beginning. You find that beginning in your tears! Inside your tears is the love you possess in your soul. Each soul signature is branded with this.. It is telling you to look inside yourself and embrace it. What comes from our eyes we consume in the mouth to survive to live, and it of course evaporates into something beautiful that gives us existence. I realized my pain was not my enemy during the fight to allow it time to pass. But the more I waited for it to pass in my mind! I realized I could do something about it. I could consume it! That I did, It gave me forgiveness, it gave me love, it gave me what was inside me driving this existence as the being in the man that emerged here 5 years ago. I send you love for that star on your forehead is the shooting star we all need to stay in this moment to love! Beautiful post my friend! I shall follow you! 🙂
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A Star on the Forehead said:
Wow! What a great comment – it is a post in itself! There is not much I can add to it, other than say that I agree with it and I will read it a couple of times to fully grasp all the great points! Thank you so much for the enlightenment and many blessings to you! 🙂 Great to meet you!
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Clark Kent said:
The honor and this moment is for both of us to share! Thank you my friend! 😉
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A Star on the Forehead said:
…and I am enjoying this moment and new friendship!!
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Clark Kent said:
hugs as am I! 😉
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The Restoration Tour said:
It’s a shame that you are so closed off to the idea of you and your ex ever having a chance again. If either my wife or I had held on to that, we wouldn’t have the joy or the beautiful marriage that we have. We both made terrible mistakes and caused each other so much pain, but I will be thankful for the rest of my life that it’s her that I’m sharing life with, not someone new. Love conquers all.
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A Star on the Forehead said:
It is a case of self preservation! My Ex has never said he wants to work things out! (he says perhaps in 2013 or 2014 lol)
I am really happy for you! Many blessings and continued success! 🙂
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The V Pub said:
The title reminded me of this song:
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A Star on the Forehead said:
oh, very cool, I am going to listen to it. I love discovering new music. ♥♥
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The V Pub said:
I hope that you like it!!!
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A Star on the Forehead said:
I do 🙂
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