Tags
caipirinha, dancing, drink, man, Puerto Rico, relationships, restaurant, salsa, woman
I think I am probably the world’s most naive 46 year old woman around!
So, when is a drink just a drink?
ok, let me explain:
I played tennis with an older gentleman for the first time a couple of weeks ago. At the end of the day when he is walking me to my car, he turns and says: “Would you like to grab a drink sometime?”, or something like that.
I said: “Sure” (in an effort to get out of the house more often, that is of late my answer to any invitation – yeah, yeah, I know that standard answer is bound to get me into trouble)
So, that is how I ended up going out for a drink with him last night.
I was debating with myself the whole time leading up to last night if there was a chance he thought this was more than a drink. Well he is a man and I am a woman, so I guess in the realm of possibilities this is not a too far-fetched thought.
This gentleman, I will call him S., as I found out last night will turn 60 at the end of the year. 14 years older than me, I actually thought was much more than that! It is not even the age, it is just that there is not an iota, an ounce, a particle, an inkling of anything in my body and mind that gets excited by the idea of having anything romantic with him.
We went to a Puerto Rican Restaurant/club. He had one of his employees and close friend stop by and join us. The friend turns out is 42 years old good looking and charming (didn’t do anything for me either). I thought, relieved, that perhaps S. was not thinking anything more than a drink and was really even trying to set me up with this guy.
The food, drink and music was great. My one drink was a caipirinha. The conversation was fun and we even danced Salsa.
There was one exchange on the dance floor that irked me:
ME: I haven’t danced in a long time
HIM: It is just like sex, once …
I cut him off and said: oh you mean just like riding a bike!
and I turned and looked away to stop that line of conversation right then and there.
And in all honesty what he said only annoyed me because I was already worried that that was what he had in mind.
We stayed for a few hours and then he drives me home. My mind is working overtime now trying to come up with the best exit strategy without giving him a chance to try anything. He stops the car in front of my building and removes his seat-belt, oh no, I am thinking, is he going to walk me to my front door? No, he just removed it so he could pounce on me and try to kiss me. Well, he didn’t really pounce but I did feel like a prey.
He tries to kiss me on the mouth and I, pretending I didn’t realize that, turned my cheek quickly, while opening the car door, jumping out and saying good night. Last thing I heard was him saying: I will call you.
If there was an “open the car door, say good night, thank him for the evening while avoiding a kiss on the mouth and getting out of the car” speed event at the Olympics, last night I would have taken home the Gold medal!
I guess the lesson here is, if a man invites me for a drink and I am not interested in getting romantically involved with him I should just say no!
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
you don’t have to say no just make it clear that a drink is all that is on offer and he still wants to go thats fine. I do believe it is possible to have male friends as long as you are perfecty clear where the boundaries are
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yes I do have some good male friends, but it seems it will be impossible to make more. I just feel I would offend someone if I ask them what their intentions are when they invite me for anything 😦 But I think that going forward that will be the way to go!
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if they are so easily insulted would you really want them as friends 😉 if they genuinely are interested in friendship they should appreciate your honesty
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Exactly!! As usual your comments always points out some new angle that I overlooked. In the end being direct and honest saves everyone a lot grief!! I hope you are enjoying your day and have a great weekend!
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Honesty is the best policy. if people are upset at whatyou are honestly feeling, they will never get on with you in anything. they may be upset, but will eventually get over it. also i found stop looking for things to happen, when you are happy with yourself and your everyday tasks even paying bills dont get you upset because you know in the end it will all be fine. people will see that you dont beed anything to be complete and that my dear is attractive, this shows that you are confident and self sufficient. nothing more appealing than that. when soomeone comes along that can accept you for you, and jump in your vehicle called life. it will all happen when its ready
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refer image in your post – https://blessedwithastarontheforehead.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/an-open-letter-to-my-friend-letting-go-of-pain-and-fear-and-embracing-the-moment/
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You are so right, being happy with myself is key to attracting the right person. A good mental attitude is what I need to aim for.
I have already accepted that things will accept when and if they are meant to happen!
Thank you for your insight and kindness! Blessings! 🙂
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I kinda agree with Paula… here’s my angle… as a guy (and I’ve been thinking about this kind of thing since I’m getting divorced)
There are women who I’m not physically (ie, sexually) attracted to but whom I really like as individuals and whom I have fun with – at least in the limited terms in which I already know them.
I would love to ask them if they’d like to hang out sometime but I’m afraid it would be misconstrued. So then i feel like saying something “but it’s okay, don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not trying to get anything else” but I try to say something half jokingly to try to keep the situation light and then I’m worried she’s thinking that I don’t find her attractive LOL
On the flip side… if I were to ask a woman out for a drink and I had hopes of a deeper relationship… I would hope I’ve waited for “the signs” in our current interactions to see if that were possible. If, while on our “date” the conversation turns in the right directions (not even sexually, but just in terms of finding common ground in thoughts and beliefs etc) then at the end of the night, I’d try to judge if a kiss would be appropriate.
I’d probably go for a kiss on the cheek and – hopefully – a hug LOL If things have gone well, I’d hope to see it in her eyes and I’d say something positive like “it’s been a lot of fun, we should do this again” and ask if I could call her.
But that’s just me. (I told you I’d given this some thought LOL Hey, I’ve been out of the game for 9 years now. I feel like Tom Hanks in Sleepless In Seattle LOL)
Other guys… yes… some will put 2 and 2 together and get 69.
(Sorry… was that too on-the-nose??? LOL)
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Wow you really gave this some thought!! I appreciate that!
It seems that there is no winning in this case , for the man or the woman– lol
I think perhaps because I am a friendly person, perhaps I laughed a little too much when we played tennis and he thought I was flirting with him. I am a flirtatious person by nature, and with everyone, woman, child, animal, not just the male species.
Do I now need to tone down? Well, I couldn’t even if I tried. I guess I will follow Paula’s advice and just ask. When in doubt ask, it will save everyone time and grief!
Thank you for your comment! Good luck on reading the signs! And good luck on your new single status! Welcome to the roller coaster!
Ps. I always thought that 2 and 2 were 4 – how clueless and outdated of me!
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if a man asks you for a drink it is a date – beginning, middle and end–as you found out in your Olympic event–live and learn as they say –I never understand why this is said about crappy stuff instead of good stuff though
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I had to learn the hard way! Live and learn indeed! good stuff you don’t need to learn to avoid it in the future, now bad stuff one hopes to learn the first time so to prevent future pain! 🙂 Thank you for the comment:)
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I have to disagree – I’ve been out with women and it hasn’t been a date, for either side. Sometimes it’s just nice to connect with members of the opposite sex without having to worry about all that relationship crap LOL
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are you completely sure that they weren’t hoping to be on a date with you? … just saying… sometimes is hard to tell what people are really thinking and wanting!! They will act like they are cool with it, but want more! 🙂
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oh and before I forget have a great Father’s Day!
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LOL Well I guess that’s possible… I can be naive about those things LOL
As for father’s day… I’ll be working… bugger…
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that is good to hear
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Just stumbled across this (mostly because you “liked” my latest blog post. Even though this post is pretty old – I think by today’s standards, 3 years is probably considered to be pre-Raphaelite, I just wanted to say that not all guys are like that. I have several fairly close female friends and maybe the fact that I am married makes it easier. I’m never looking to read signals, but just trying to find out whether or not that person is interesting or funny.
As one of my friends says, women are people too.
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Oldie but goodie, like some of us! lol I still believe there are a few good men (and women) out there, I am still searching for him!! hahaha Your friend is right! Blessings! 🙂
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LOL I hate feeling awkward. I have a slew of gay boyfriends so I can safely say…find a few and then a drink can really just be a drink otherwise the flip side of the coin is probably true unless the offering party tells you it is JUST a drink. I have found that if the opposite sex asks you out they will almost always tell you when they are asking you out just to hang as friends….otherwise it is left open ended.
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I think you make a good point, now that I think back when my male friends (that I know for sure are just friends) when they ask me out for a drink, they normally say something like this; let’s get a drink and catch up.
But the final conclusion is: when in doubt, Ask! Thank you and enjoy your weekend! 🙂
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Yeah, unfortunately, a drink is never just a drink. Same with coffee. I learned that the hard way too. But I am married. And he was 23 years older. Talk about nuts! All you can do is learn from it and move forward.
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yeah it boggles my mind that someone 23 yrs older would think they have a shot, but then again I cannot blame him for trying – lol
Exactly live and learn and laugh about it! 🙂
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Ouch, that smarts. Just as well I wouldn’t be asking you for fear of being turned down.You know The Perfumed Garden? Well I’m still on the allotment and would have no idea what was expected of me when out with a lady. Is a friendly hug too much? Should I not move unless she moves first? Will we die before the first kiss because we’re both shy?
xxx Massive Hugs xxx
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Well, perhaps that was a bit ageist on my part, but it is just that I normally get along with younger men. Also I think that women give clues as to what they want, a smart man looks for those.
I think man should be cautious but still I think they should make the first move.
In my case with this one man I gave no signs I would want anything. I have a feeling that because he has money he thought he could get anything he wanted.
Hugs back to you!
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Ohh I was feeling awkard just reading your entry, wow glad that is over for you. Any way at least you learnt something and will be able to handle the situation better next time.
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thanks for feeling my pain! Indeed I hope not to make this mistake again! Have a great weekend! 🙂
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Well, at least you won the gold medal 🙂
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yep, there is always a bright side!! lol
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Hi,
Very awkward situation, it is never easy, never will be I don’t think. All this is well and truly behind me now (thank goodness) but I use to say : Sure I would love to have a drink with you sometime, you are asking as a friend right? I would often get the answer : I was thinking more of a date.
I found it was best to get to know what was expected before the drink night started. 🙂
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I thought it would be indelicate to ask about a person’s intention, but the way you used to to is not bad. I am going to use that from now on when I ran into that situation again. Thank you! 🙂
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whoa, wait, what? you’re 46, and you play tennis?
wanna go for a drink sometime?!
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Sure!
Oops I am not supposed to say that!
What are your intentions Mr.?
🙂
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to live.
yours?
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living well and enjoying the ride
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seems compatible. pick you up at 7. no, 6. an extra hour with you should not be passed up.
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make it 5 and you will not be sorry! You know by the huge smile on my face and that ja ne sais quoi! How will I know you?
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i’ll have a star on my forehead.
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oh an invisible one like me, that only the very blessed and enlightened have and can see! See you at 5 and bring your toothbrush!
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and floss?
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lol no, that I got it covered
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I don’t think you have to stop saying, “Sure!” to offers that come your way – I did that shortly after being married and my being reclusive and afraid to see what was in the world lasted TEN YEARS! I put my mind to it to start saying “Yes!” to opportunities that came my way.
If this was your first time playing tennis with this man, and he invites you out for a drink, and then attempts to maul you in the car – he’s a cretin. I applaud your “quick like a bunny” reflexes! Should he actually follow through on his threats to call you, I say bring up the crudity right away – maybe he doesn’t know how to behave? Benefit of the doubt and all that.
I just had to tell someone to keep their comments and questions about my state of dress or undress to themselves. Most people aren’t mind-readers and won’t know they’re being uncouth unless they’re told point-blank in crystal-clear language.
BTW – I LOVE a good caipirinha!
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Thank you! Very insightful! I would think that a man by his 60th year would know how to treat a woman specially if he wanted her. I am sure he is going to call, because I realize that some men with money and power think they have some kind of entitlement to whatever they want and he will try again.
But this is enlightening and a great learning experience. I should not stop saying yes, but I should follow my instinct and if I feel there could be anything going on I should just address it and not just wait.
oh and that caipirinha, even though was made by Puerto Rican was amazing. I am glad I only had one. If I had more than that I think the date could have started looking good!
Have a great weekend!
ps. Dress whatever way you are comfortable. They are either envious of your body or of your guts!! 🙂
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You would think so, but my dad is in his 60’s and has NO CLUE how to treat women (needless to say, I did NOT marry a man like my dad).
You could always put your own spin on this thing a former coworker would do to get through a day of customers: believe that you’re the only sane person in the room, and everyone you deal with all day is crazy. That way you’re forced to treat them in a very sterile manner. “OH! You thought that by my accepting your invitation for a ‘drink sometime’ that meant I wanted to go on a date? Oh, no… you see, I enjoyed playing tennis with you but have no romantic feelings, I just enjoyed your company. I was under the impression the invitation was extended in offer to get to know one another more, not because you thought it was a way to get in my pants… because my pants are only sized for one person.” 😉 Gotta put your own spin on that!
If he’s offended – he’s offended – you can’t control how he’ll feel or react, but he needs to be told in some way that his poor attempt at pawing wasn’t wanted.
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I like that! I will have to print and save to refer to it. Now my pants are sized for more than one person but he doesn’t need to know that! 🙂
If he is offended than he is a jerk that I don’t care to have any contact with! 🙂
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A man on his death bed would hit on the nurse, remember that. They’re not like women, it never stops. I’m sure he thought you liked him since you said sure you’d like a quick drink. Now he’s thinking about quickies.
I told a man at the library I liked his blazer and now he’s following me around. They hear things differently than we say them. But I will say this, the age shouldn’t matter if you have a yen however if you don’t, RUN…..someone older than you with files to consult.
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You had me chuckling when I pictured in my mind a man on his death bed trying to get the nurse – lol I agree with you the more men I meet the more I want to just get a dog! I appreciate your sharing your wisdom and experience with me! Have a great Sunday and watch out for the library man!
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I’ve learned that same lesson, too. Just say NO to avoid any misleading and the likes. 🙂
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That seems to be the way to go, that and ask somebody’s intention before saying yes.:)
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I nominated you for the Sunshine Award, you’ll find it on my blog http://angelswhisper2011.wordpress.com
I don’t receive your posts, so I have to find out what I did wrong. I’ll be back 😀
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Thank you so much for thinking of me with this award! I will work on it in the coming weeks! 🙂
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Haha, I love that! Yeah, I’m not in the dating world, but I’ve never seen a drink just be a drink 😦 It’s too bad…
Cheers,
Courtney Hosny
http://www.oneweektocrazy.com
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yep, I had to learn that a drink is not a drink the hard way! Lesson learned, now on to other mistakes! Thank you for stopping by and commenting! 🙂
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I’m so glad that you got out fast and won the gold medal. It could have been worse! Like we always say, just charge it to experience. What’s that song about life’s mistakes being lessons to be learned?
Thanks for stopping by and following my post.
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I am not sure I know that song, but everything is experience and I hope not to have to learn the same lesson twice! Your are welcome! Thanks to you too!
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Welcome. I think it’s a Barbra Streisand song. I just can’t recall it now.
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If someone (at my old age) invited me ‘out for a drink sometime’, I think I would probably say something like (on the ride home)….
“I’ve enjoyed your company this evening – perhaps we can get together for lunch one day – it would be nice to chat some more.” (making it clear before the car stops, that ‘chatting’ is what you were interested in at the present time. Or something like that).
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I don’t know – what a great experience for a blog post. Plus, you can add him to the list of frogs you have to kiss. Personally if I am sure the date will not be romantic I mention that as soon as I know. Even if it’s mid date. And yes, I have just thrown money on the table and left mid-date. Oh, and please excuse me if someone mentioned this – but ALWAYS take your own method of transportation!
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Lesson learned! That happened awhile ago and I am glad to say that I have learned a lot things from that experience. Thank you for reading and commenting! Many blessings to you! 🙂
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It is so hard to tell these days if they want more. A lot of the time, if I have no romantic feelings at all for the person, I will say, sure we can meet up for a drink as friends. I met with one guy who I knew through business and I wasn’t sure what the drink meant. I put on my business head. I acted more formal and kept my distance, I told him some things that I liked, that were the opposite of the way he thought things should be in life. I am not saying he fancied me but there was no way he was going to fancy me much after that.
I think it can be hard if you are not sure how you feel about someone. As I like to get to know a person before I can decide if I like them in any more way than friends, I want to meet up with them and go out to places a fair amount of times before making that decision, but what they expect the first time may not be the same. I am meeting up with a ‘friend’ in a few weeks time but not sure if they just want friendship. It will be the first time I have met him on my own. I have only seen him twice before but we have messaged each other more recently and for longer. I am not sure how I feel about that person other than we seem to like a lot of the same things and get on and I am happy to be friends with him.
I am actually happy being single. I don’t really need to be with anyone but myself and my guineapigs. I can live without a man but not my pigs.
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I think that you are in a perfect place to meet someone: when you are happily single and not looking for anything.
I think it is great that you will be meeting your friend and hopefully you too will be in the same wavelength as far as what both want. Secretly I am wishing for sparks and fireworks! Lol
Even though I am happy alone, I can’t seem to give up on the idea of being a couple. I am not spending time wishing to be a couple, I continue to lead a very happy fun full filled life, but deep down inside I will be always searching.
I crave and want all the perks of a relationship. We shall see what the future holds …
Best wishes and many blessings to you and the pigs 🙂
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Thanks so much. I am not sure that there would be fireworks, at least not by me and him because we don’t really know each other well enough to be together. If I did get with him, it would be quite controversial and may set other peoples fireworks off. Being a writer and quirky, I love a bit of controversy but I don’t think it’s going to happen. I don’t think I am ready for another relationship at the moment. I certainly don’t want to live with someone and perhaps I will never again want to do that. I love living on my own.
I am glad you are living a fulfilled life on your own and can still see the perks of a relationship. I can’t see any. Apart from being with someone that I get on well with and love, there is not anything that a man could do for me, that I can’t do for myself, so I don’t really see the point. I think it’s different for you and good for you. xx
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As you can see by my latest post, I am not in the place you are. I am happy, but I don’t want to be single. I miss and like better life as a couple. I treasure my single-hood but don’t want to give up on the fairy-tale.
But I am reserving the right of waking up tomorrow and deciding single is the way to go! For now I search for him.
I think that we are very similar in the sense that we are not afraid of saying what we want and don’t want.
Still I look forward to hearing about your meeting with your friend.
I am hoping and praying that things (with your loved ones) are better on your end by now. Many blessings! 🙂
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Thanks so much. I think it is great that we can both say what we think and how we feel. I totally respect that fact that you want to be in a relationship. Even though I have believed for nearly all of my life, that I have a soul mate somewhere in the world, I have decided to knock it on the head. In reality I have always had a better life when I am single. Things are still stressful at home as my guineapigs need extra care because they have been sick and 3 of them have had operations.
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I think that if it is meant to be, your soul-mate will find you. I just feel I need to help him out by trying to find him first – lol (I will probably keep finding Mr. Wrong that way, but it keeps me entertained).
I hope all your guinea-pigs are doing better. I can’t imagine having a pet sick.
Many blessings to you and to them! 🙂
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Bless you. I think my guineapigs are my soul-mates. They will always be my number one. It has been very difficult with them being so sick. Daisy results came back as fatty tissues and not cancer. Thank goodness.
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yippie, great reason to celebrate! I hope this is just a patch patch and they will soon be 100% again. Have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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Thanks. Daisy had emergency surgery today to re-stitch some of her wound.
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I am keeping her and the others in my prayers! 🙂
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Thanks. That is sweet of you.
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Just to let you know, I am not sure that I am meeting up with him anymore and that is fine because I have a ton of stuff happening with my poorly pigs and work at the moment.
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oh, I was so ready to read that post – lol But good for you for putting your babies first! Blessings! 🙂
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He told me he doesn’t like guineapigs. That’s why there definitely would not be any romance and I am not that bothered about meeting up anymore. Love me – Love my pigs.
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Totally agree!! You are a package deal, the same as a parent with children. Well it is his loss and I would probably not want to waste my time either. 🙂
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the dating world is a tough place to be haha
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indeed, indeed, but let’s appreciate the humor in it, and it will be even more sweeter when I meet the one! (yes I am forever hopeful). Blessings! 🙂
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Maybe someone else already said this, but in the future, drive yourself, then you don’t have to be in the car with that person. It can be safer, especially sounding like this is only the 2nd time you were with this man. And of course, speak up if you are uncomfortable, say yourself, that you had a great time and it was nice to get out and meet some new friends. That is the quickest way to be clear without hurting anyone’s ego. Now, if that doesn’t work, be more clear, even if it might be rude.
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Hi Christina. You are right driving myself is the best advice and a rule that I live by now. I also make sure to use the word “friends” if I accept any invitation where I am not looking for romance.
Thank you for the wise words! Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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Hi there and I’ve read your post with a wry smile but in no way laughing at you. I think it’s both sad and a sign of the times that there’s an almost assumption that the invite will come with an implication that this will end up in bed…..or the couch…or wherever. And I think you need to set the boundaries at the outset; you come across as someone who would state their mind with reasonable clarity and not be afraid to manage the date/situation instead of being caught out by it. Some guys are thicker skinned than a rhino; some have egos the size of the Eiffel Tower and you can do without both of them. But they need telling! If all else fails, use your right foot where it hurts!
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HI Simon
I am indeed a person that can speak my mind, but some times I tone it down so no to hurt people, and to actually give people the benefit of the doubt.(not often, perhaps that explains why I am alone 🙂
In the instance I described, it really came out of nowhere that he would be interested in more, but perhaps I should always assume that a man wants more 🙂
This whole online dating thing, well dating in general, has been such a huge awakening and learning experience…as I really never did much dating before.
It is amazing to me how some men have no clue how to behave with a woman. or am I the misbehaving one?
As you said, a lot men need to be told things. So I have, and if a man cannot accept my way then he is not the right man for me…it is that simple!!
Thank you for your comment and many blessings to you! 🙂
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I’ve emailed you but I feel compelled to write here, as I know both sexes will read this. I have lived with 5 women over the past 33 years, being my wife and 4 daughters and I believe the longer my journey with them goes on that men really don’t understand much less value women. We have made it difficult for them to succeed in business and expect them to go through hoops in various other aspects of their life. Why? I’m ashamed many times of both what I hear and read of women being demeaned in one way or another; and yes, of being asked out for a drink when there really is only one thing going on behind the invitation. Hold your head high my dear; those who would take advantage of you are beneath you and you don’t need them. In truth, you’re better off single than going through the dross to find the pearl if the journey kills you in the process.
Kind regards; Si
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Hi Simon,
Thank you for writing it here, as I know that my readers and friends will love to read different perspectives.
I am sure that living with 5 women has made you a much better man, more patient and more gentle.
I always say that in my next life I want to be a man for many reasons. But to be fair I see how some women treat men and the mixed signals they send, so what I get some times is a confused men that doesn’t know how to act.
I am not to the point of giving up yet and for now I find the whole process of dating a learning experience. There are moments of frustration but I always end up learning more about myself, if anything I know exactly what I don’t want.
Thank you so much for taking the time to give me some of you! Many blessings 🙂
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How do you ever get a chance to use the bathroom ?
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hahaha good question!
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I’m reminded of the lines in When Harry Met Sally….Sally: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail ’em too.
It’s the nature of the beast. I look at it this way, if sex (and therefore reproduction) was left up to the ladies, we’d be extinct! So, we can’t blame “them” too much. LOL.
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That is one of my favorite movies, funny and insightful!!
I often say: I cannot blame them for trying. It is up to me to set the limits and protect myself!
Now I want to watch When Harry Met Sally again! 🙂
Blessings!
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Yes, When Harry Met Sally is one of my favorites too. And I also want to watch it. Where do you live, maybe we can watch it together! Just kidding ; – )
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I need friends (specially wise one such as yourself), so why not? lol
whenever you come to NY let me know
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I’m originally from NY. Queens. I’ll let you know! ; – )
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Queens is just 30 minutes from me….
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I grew up in Woodside. My mom still lives there.
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A smart guy always lets the woman make the first move. Must control “I’m immediately ready” to give her time to “be comfortable ready.” Thanks visit my blog.
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I haven’t encountered that “smart species” in awhile 😦
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Now that I have learned to be respectful and sensitive to the feelings of others I am too stinkin’ old to employ the skills. The gals don’t even see you and pass right by.
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I often think about the same thing. Where was all this maturity when I was 20? lol
Perhaps the gals need glasses, seriously, I keep going on dates with men that can barely read the menu but are too proud (or whatever) to wear glasses.
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That fella is of a different generation. Gender roles can be confusing when people are closer in age, let alone someone who has outdated ideas about them. Your best bet is to always go with your gut. Clearly you had apprehension about the get-together, trust that tiny little voice inside you the next time, but realize you kind of have to really listen, it’s never very loud. 🙂
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I guess because I thought he was form an older generation I thought he would be more respectful and he wouldn’t assume there was any interest. I certainly learned a lot with that experience.
I wish that little voice was a little more forceful and louder some times 🙂
Blessings! 🙂
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Good to know!
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🙂
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Oh, it is so awkward…. I am 59 and have a man in his 40’s (Gary) who is very nice. I have gone places three or four times, when he tried to kiss me it was over a year ago. He asked me to try it just once. I did, it was nothing. I am sorry to say looks are not the problem, it was just his nose. It was reddish, tiny blue veins which turned me off. I have remained friends, but as I went in my apartment, I told him the kiss was never meant to happen. I have a good guy friend and we just hug, (Bill)
So, I think I keep hoping Gary will find a new girl to like, but I don’t turn down texts back and forth over movies and he also likes award shows. He writes for a newspaper and is good company: just not boyfriend material.
I guess this ramble is about being supportive of your decision to keep on trying, not to go out more than once with someone who is pushy, but if he can be demoted to being just a friend, you never know, maybe he will be the one to invite you to meet his friend… smiles!
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His nose?? Hahaha you are just like me! I am turned off by the smallest and insignificant of things. Kissing is number one, if there is no chemistry and I don’t feel like kissing him again then the relationship has no future. I find it awesome that he is in 40s, as I too get along better with younger man, even though I just went on a second date with someone 10 years older.
Some of the men I have rejected I would have loved to have remained friends and see them again but as soon as I say I don’t want a romantic relationship they disappear. I had one stick around but later he confessed that he only did it because he thought he would change my mind.
Like you I am always thinking, perhaps he as a friend or cousin, etc … lol
I am never giving up!
Blessings! 🙂
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I had a discussion awhile back about the significance of a drink. In my case, I mean the drink I would offer when we say goodnight. If I invite a guy in for an alcoholic/non-alcoholic drink, is that code for sex? I know, I don’t have to do anything, I don’t want to do, but I also don’t want to give a man the wrong impression.
I’m also naive, if I invite someone in for a drink, I’m not offering anything else. I’m 53, single the last 5 years, and haven’t dated anyone.
Even in my twenties, there seemed to be a dating language I didn’t get.
Thank you for writing this post. I don’t feel like I’m the only one out there, that feels this way.
I wish you the best!
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You are definitely not the only one out there not sure what to do while navigating these dating waters.
Like you I want to be free and spontaneous and be able to invite someone for a drink without meaning I want to do anything else other than drink.
As a matter of fact I thought about that yesterday. I bought 5 bottles of wine and thought about asking this guy that I have dated a few times over to stop over some time for a drink.
But I am not going to do it because I fear I will send the wrong message.
oh well…it sucks but it is what it is!
Hang in there and follow all your heart. And always makes sure to be clear regarding your wants/needs.
Blessings! 🙂
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Sad but true. Just say no. The male mind cruises on one track and if you aren’t interested, save your energy!
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Indeed! I am becoming even more assertive so there is not a hint of miscommunication. Many blessings in the new year! 🙂
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Good luck with that, and blessings to you as well!
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Thank you! 🙂
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It seems to be a minefield out there.
But be warned: there actually are genuine nice guys out there. Sadly you have to get out there to meet them; and that’s where the ‘minefield’ bit comes in … good luck …
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Indeed it is, so one has to be very careful where one dares to step… I have been gaining so much insight and experience in this dating thing. Sometimes I hate it, sometimes I love it, but at the end of the day I treasure all lessons and experiences. Blessings 🙂
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I just had the pouncing thing happen to me as well and have heard about this phenomena from other women. It’s really awkward and weird when that happens and I don’t know if men are being retrained either by movies or TV that that’s the way that women want them to behave? Like you, I find it shocking that this behavior is becoming more and more the norm. I don’t know what you could have done differently, and that’s the problem 🙂 Thanks for sharing.
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That event was certainly a learning experience, as you mentioned, I still don’t know what I could have done differently. I just think he is one of those men that will try no matter what. You also have a great point with TV and movies, I had never thought about that, but certainly it makes sense that we are now modeling our behavior after what we see in media. And if that is the case, I am scared for our future. Thank you for the insight and many blessings! 🙂
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Many blessings to you, too! 🙂
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Thank you! 🙂
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That is the problem when YOUR head is in the right place…you don’t see it coming. Now that you are ‘on guard’, how will that make you feel each time someone asks you out for something? You may not know them but it is the only way TO get to know them.
When is a nice person a kissing monster, and a monster a nice kisser 🙂
Just go out to parties, way more room for manoeuvres and at least getting to know someone. Good luck 🙂
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Hi Mark, The good news is that the post is over 2 years old, I have learned a lot since then, about me and men. The bad news is that I am still forced to deal with men that have no concept of reality, no matter what signal you are sending them, they will still go in for the kill 🙂
The hard part is finding the parties to go to. For now most of my socializing is online dating – scary and fun at the same time. Wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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I missed the date above, I saw the previous comment and it was only recent…mmm, maybe that’s the male ‘look before you leap’ not coming into play 🙂
Your conundrum of the male species solved in a comment (albeit 2 years old 🙂 ).
Truthfully, they are never taught how to treat a lady. It is a stumble through the dark and as you have found out, it is a hit and miss affair with so many emotional problems mixed within it that it all comes back to what you attract to you.
Usually one of those ‘lessons’ moments…and hopefully with no pain.
Hopefully your current ‘attractions’ are a little more ‘educated’.
Thank you for the blessings….returned with a little ‘educated’ male energy so that your next encounter has just the right ingredients 🙂
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Hi Mark
For some reason this is my most read post…go figure!
I am still learning many lessons from the male species thanks to online dating nowadays. Some experiences have been positive, others comical but still they all contribute to my learning more about me and who I want to be next to me.
I like to believe that I am blessed and only attract good, and the bad that may come along is not really bad but a lesson, opportunity or a warning sign.
I thank you for your educated male energy…there is a lack of that in my life at the moment! 🙂
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May it bring you a little more satisfaction rather than a lesson. But then again, maybe that is a lesson…some balance in your life 🙂 Good luck with it anyway. Namaste
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Thank you so much! Satisfaction is the goal, but in the meantime I am taking what the Universe (God) thinks I need/deserve. Balance and moderation in all things is my aim! Blessings! 🙂
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I realize this was posted a while ago, but I simply love it! This would so be a “me” occurrence. I am awkward like that too… I’ll overthink a situation, then figure – it’s all in my head… I’ve done nothing to indicate deeper interest… and why not go out and have some fun (because I RARELY do anything just for me). Then the “hanging out” (because it IS NOT A DATE!) unfolds… and while I thought I was just chilling with a plutonic interest, the other half of the equation was actually trying to align his stars with the center of my universe. Lol… oh the joys of being a single, blessed woman!
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hahaha it is indeed crazy how this always happens… and then I ask myself: Was I sending some signs? The truth is, it is not us, it is them and their wishful thinking! Let’s not change! Let’s continue being single, blessed and going out out whenever we want and whoever we want! Many blessings! 🙂
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Yes, yes! We cannot help our innate magnetism. It is how woman is designed. And it is our duty to share our glorious nature with the world around us! Haha. Many blessings to you, as well. 🙂
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I agree completely, so well said!!:-)
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A friend, who happens to be male, asked me the other night if I was hungry and if I wanted to get dinner. The honest answer was ‘yes’, so I said so, and then spent the whole evening wondering if I had to kiss him after dessert.
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hahaha maybe he thought he buys the dinner and you are the dessert lol Hi Jennifer, have a blessed weekend! 🙂
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It’s NEVER just a drink. He’s a man and no matter how old he might be, they never get tired of playing with those things.
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hahaha, you are so right! Have a blessed week! 🙂
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I think your reason to say yes because to get out of the house is as good as any even though you were not quite sure how it goes. Sometimes it’s fun to have such a little surprise or maybe not too much of a surprise. Either way, you never know who you might meet along the way, or you might have changed your mind with this person during the time you spent with him. All in all, you got a good blog out of it if nothing else.
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Hi Karina, You are right, “one never knows”, that is exactly the reason why I sometimes push myself to get out of the house when I often rather just stay in. And like you said, if anything I get to write about the experience and that is always a plus. Thank you for your words. blessings! 🙂
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something similar happened to me the other day, however, I just enjoyed the dinner and thought if you think more is going to happen, you thought wrong! and went home 😉
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I truly enjoyed the evening as I thought it was just friendship, otherwise I wouldn’t even go or perhaps would have taken my own car. Everything is a lesson so I am more aware now and on guard. Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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Of course. I enjoy spending a nice evening, dinner, drink and then go my own way. Accepting an invitation doesn’t oblige me in any way, as simple as it sounds, it took me a long time to learn this.
have a lovely week,
Dagmar
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Hi Dagmar, I totally agree! Unfortunately some men think that buying a woman dinner entitles them to something, but that is their problem. Wishing a blessed week ahead!:-)
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exactly 🙂
wishing you exactly the same dear!
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Many thanks, many blessings! 🙂
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I was delighted with your take, your sense of humour and especially addressing an issue many face. I’m not as brave as you about this single situation or as yet solved to my satisfaction a way of going about meeting men and the what if they want more scenario. I applaud your bravery to be sure
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Thank you so much! I don’t think I am brave but I do know how to handle certain situations and certain men. Each event and experience helps me to get stronger and more assertive with what I want and don’t want. Wishing you strength and humor to deal with life. Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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Why thank you very much. I think you are brave. It takes courage to look at yourself honestly and to be able to learn grow and change.
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Thank you so much! Honesty, specially with myself is the best way to go! Blessings! 🙂
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Thank you, same to you.
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🙂
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Your autobiography reads like a story and it’s interesting, Anand Bose from Kerala
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Sorry, but men are clueless pigs no matter what age,,,,this coming from a middle age aged hetro male!
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Thank you so much for the sympathy! I still believe that are some real gentlemen, such as yourself, left out there. So I continue my search undeterred. Thank you and blessings to you! 🙂
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There are some out there, but its usually a mix of someone like me,,,,but they are still out there-
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I will keep searching 🙂 Have a blessed weekend!
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Was thinking, now clean and sober “want to go out for a drink ?” is no longer acceptable to break the ice with someone.
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Now you just invite them for coffee, or ice cream, the thought is the same 🙂
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It has been over 3 decades since I was “dating”. sounds like nothing has changed. I like your previous comment about going for coffee. And perhaps also coffee in the daytime if possible.
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The players are changed but the game is the same. I wrote that in 2012 and there have been many many dates and non-dates after that, I am becoming a pro at dealing with the players. Thank you for the comment and advice! Wishing you a blessed holiday season! 🙂
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And a happy holiday to you as well.
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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All he asked you for was to go for a drink. You didn’t do anything wrong by expecting nothing more than that. If anything, it’s him who needs to learn that sometimes a woman agreeing to have a drink with him is exactly that.
Running away from him was a great response. It lets him know loud and clear that he creeped you out. Maybe he’ll be less likely to do it again.
Here’s hoping. (wry grin)
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That post was written over 5 years ago. It is still one of the most popular one.
As I recall I think he called again but I didn’t answer.
After that there has been many many dates and I always try to be very clear on the my intentions and their expectations.
Thank you for stopping by. Many blessings! 🙂
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Not something I know anything about, but found the post interesting
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Thank you for enjoying it anyway 🙂
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Great post. Well, you already had an idea about what may or may not happen, and you avoided any misunderstandings nicely:)
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Thank you! I am all about avoiding misunderstandings, but still even 5 years after they still do happen. Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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This post goes well with the sign of the times and the articles I have open to read later. As the entire world, I never gave it much thought before, but there were times when I (“only”) said goodnight and left the gentleman in whatever state he was, without giving it much thought. It saddens me what lesson you draw out of the experience. But isn’t it just so: the guys are such optimists. The question is how they behave once their optimism proves unfounded. And this is where the novels and life begins.
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Indeed, I can never blame a guy for trying, or can I? or should I?
At any rate I have learned a lot since that one event over 5 years ago. Still nothing has changed much, the lessons have been the same.
Thank you for stopping by! Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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Hm, I guess it depends on how he tries, doesn’t it. Try they will, that’s for sure. It’s a tricky subject. What I wonder now is how I managed to read a 5-year-old post as the first one on your blog. 😀
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really? I need to see what is going on, why is the post appearing first… thank you for alerting me to it.
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Right now the order appears to be correct. I might have clicked on a tag or something, who knows.
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Thank you, I tried looking at it, but couldn’t find anything. 🙂
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I would answer ‘Just a drink would be okay with me’.
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That is a good answer to keep in mind!! Thank you for stopping by and have a blessed week! 😀
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To be honest he must have been a bit out of touch because most men ( I am one myself) would just pick up from your body language and general demeanour that you were not interest, ever. It is a shame because chivalry, which includes treating women with respect, is one of life’s great experiences !
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Hi Peter
Most men do pick up on those signals, but some will try anyway.
I try to be even more clear now (That post is from 3 years ago). Still some misses all the signs.
Thank you for stopping by and for thinking that chivalry is not out of fashion! Many blessings!
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SO funny – love that article, following you now, as you made me smile after a not so good week! thank you! x
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Hi Lilly
Thank you for stopping by and following me!
I hope things gets better for you. Everything passes. Wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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Sad but true. In the 21st century, as far as adult dating is concerned, “A Drink?” is never just ‘a drink’.
Thanks for following my blog, which is appreciated. And I promise never to invite you out for a drink 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
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Hi Pete
That is an old post, so I like to think I am a bit wiser about reading men’s intention.
Still I wish for directness and no games.
Bummer, I want to be invited for drinks!! 😉
Thank you so much and wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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I really hope that you get invited for ‘just drinks’. Take care, and best wishes, Pete. 🙂
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I am! and dinner 🙂 Thank you Pete! 🙂
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I’m pretty dumb when it comes to social clues, so, if it was me, I would have taken the drink invitation literally.
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Live and learn, so I have learned a lot since then. Now I try to clarify the details before accepting an invitation.
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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Blessing for you too.
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🤗
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I’m 59 and still naive enough to think that if a man is friendly to me he’s just being friendly, like people should be, right! And my husband keeps insisting that when I’m just being friendly, myself, men take me to be interested in more than friendship with them. And yet it seems almost conceited to think that way, doesn’t it? Also, many years ago, when certain women were very friendly with me, I thought Isn’t this nice? To be able to talk so freely and naturally, as if we’re automatically friends? It wasn’t until much later that I realized they were “hitting on” me. I take everyone at face value when it comes to this kind of thing. I never think anyone is trying to impress me or ask for something they aren’t stating out loud and directly. You’re not the only one! -Kate
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Hi Kate,
We are not naive, we are trusting. No matter how old we are we still want to believe in people.
Funny that my first boyfriend, whom I was with for 20 years was always telling me that men mistook my friendly attitude for an invitation.
Still I continue to be friendly and smile a lot. If they take it the wrong way it is on them.
Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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