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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Tag Archives: Utah

In my emptiness I feel full and grateful!

12 Saturday Mar 2016

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Finding Me

≈ 41 Comments

Tags

alone but not lonely, back in one piece, feeling empowered, not pretty but successful, Park City Resort, skiing, travelling solo, Utah

Empty Chair

What comes to mind when you look at the picture above? Peace and tranquility?  Solitude and loneliness?

What do you see first, the beautiful vast mountain or the cold empty chair?

To me it is impossible not to see the brilliance of God and not to feel immensely blessed to have the opportunity of witnessing such majestic views.

There was also a pang of sadness as this was my last day in the resort and I imagined the chair was empty because I was leaving.

I just returned from my skiing adventure in Park City, Utah. I am still shaky and lack confidence in my skiing skills but I am proud of myself for not giving up on something I have grown to love but that it remains challenging.

I enjoy the freedom of being on the mountain and making my way down at my own pace, not pretty and not perfect but always feeling powerful when I arrive at the bottom.

“I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.” – Albert Einstein

I didn’t do much, other than skiing during the day and walking around in town in the evenings.  Did I feel alone? Not really.  Would I rather have someone there with me?  Absolutely!  Everything is better when shared with a loved one.

Last time I went skiing alone I made contact with people that were going to be at the resort at the same time I would.  I made plans to meet a couple of people and one became a good friend/pen pal. This time I didn’t have the time/inclination/energy to spend time posting and doing research on people to meet, so I knew there would be dinners alone.

“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.” – Charlotte Bronte

I am coming to the realization that loneliness is a state of mind.  I skied alone, I sat in restaurants alone and yet I didn’t feel alone.  I talked to people around me. Some were happy to talk while others were monosyllable.  It didn’t bother me when someone didn’t feel like talking.  Not taking things personally is a skill that I am mastering.

I am sufficient, I am enough!  It is a great realization!  The more self sufficient, the happier I am alone,  the better a partner I will be when the right person comes along.  There is empowered in solo adventures.

I plan on doing much more travelling alone if no one wants to come with me.  Everyone is welcome to join me but I am not waiting for anyone.  Life waits for nobody, why should I?

“At first I felt dizzy – not with the kind of dizziness that makes the body reel but the kind that’s like a dead emptiness in the brain, an instinctive awareness of the void.” – Fernando Pessoa

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Boyfriendless and happy, but confused!

12 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Dating, EX Files, Finding Me

≈ 37 Comments

Tags

being paralyzed, boyfriendless and happy, Canada, Colorado, not sure of what to do, skiing vacation, too many decisions, Utah, Valentine's Day, Whistler

Embracing Valentine’s Day

For the past few years this holiday always made me feel a bit blue.  I always felt this longing for someone to share that day with.  I always felt left out of a day made for couples.

This year is different.  If I had not broken up with MF last week I could be going on some holiday adventure and would be celebrating the day/weekend in style.  I chose to break up.  I chose to be alone.

All of a sudden I don’t feel this holiday is leaving me out, instead I am doing the leaving.  It is my choice and it feels so right, it feels so good!

I still want the fairy-tale. I still want to be lovey-dovey with someone, especially on this day, but now, more than ever, I am not willing to settle.  The older I get the less desperate I feel, the choosier I become, the more confident I am.  I guess that is one of the pros of growing older.

I am sending much love to everyone. I hope everyone enjoys this holiday.  Even if you think it is too commercial, enjoy it anyway!  It is indeed too commercial, as most holidays are becoming, but it serves as a reminder to celebrate all our loved ones, romantic or not.  Use this day to celebrate love! Love of all kinds, love for all things, love for yourself,  love even for the unlovable (exes included)

Speaking of Ex, I got a Valentine’s Day card in the mail from his mother.  J

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it’s got to be the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.”  – Andrew Boyd

***

Whistler, BC 2014

Whistler, BC 2014

“I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!” Mark Twain

The problem with having too many choices

My brother always vacations in the same resort town in the north of Brazil.  Brazil is a huge country with so many amazing vacation spots, so I am always baffled that he chooses the same town over and over again.  I never understood that.  Why not try out a different place? Be a little adventurous, discover another favorite.

I am not sure why he does that.  Is it insecurity?  Is it fear of stepping into the unknown?  I want to go everywhere I never been to before.  I want to try it all, at least once.  I want the unknown and I don’t want to play it safe.  I follow my heart and that sometimes takes immense courage.

Yet, right now, I am sitting here considering going back to Whistler, BC or to Snowmass, CT.  I am considering it for the familiarity.  I know how to navigate those places.  All of a sudden I catch myself doing what I dislike in other people.  I already know I am turning into my mother, and now I am turning into my brother.  Quelle Horreur!

I am now trying to decide where to go and when to go.  I was leaning towards Utah since I have never been there and it would be another state crossed off my list.  Then there are all the other mountains in Colorado, and in Canada…   I used to be so decisive. Am I afraid of making the wrong decision?  I know that is a stupid question for someone that follows her heart and trusts her instincts.

Even my heart seems confused or perhaps just tired of making decisions.  It seems baffled by all the options out there.  Too much, too confusing, too many decisions.  I want a decision superhero, someone that will come in and just wave a wand and give me a whole planned itinerary.  I fear being so paralyzed by all the choices that I will end up doing nothing, going nowhere.  And the snow is melting as I think…

A decisive boyfriend may just solve all my problems 🙂

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.
The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.
If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.” 
– Deepak Chopra

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