Tag Archives: Park City Resort

In my emptiness I feel full and grateful!

12 Saturday Mar 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me

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Empty Chair

What comes to mind when you look at the picture above? Peace and tranquility?  Solitude and loneliness?

What do you see first, the beautiful vast mountain or the cold empty chair?

To me it is impossible not to see the brilliance of God and not to feel immensely blessed to have the opportunity of witnessing such majestic views.

There was also a pang of sadness as this was my last day in the resort and I imagined the chair was empty because I was leaving.

I just returned from my skiing adventure in Park City, Utah. I am still shaky and lack confidence in my skiing skills but I am proud of myself for not giving up on something I have grown to love but that it remains challenging.

I enjoy the freedom of being on the mountain and making my way down at my own pace, not pretty and not perfect but always feeling powerful when I arrive at the bottom.

“I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.” – Albert Einstein

I didn’t do much, other than skiing during the day and walking around in town in the evenings.  Did I feel alone? Not really.  Would I rather have someone there with me?  Absolutely!  Everything is better when shared with a loved one.

Last time I went skiing alone I made contact with people that were going to be at the resort at the same time I would.  I made plans to meet a couple of people and one became a good friend/pen pal. This time I didn’t have the time/inclination/energy to spend time posting and doing research on people to meet, so I knew there would be dinners alone.

“I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself.” – Charlotte Bronte

I am coming to the realization that loneliness is a state of mind.  I skied alone, I sat in restaurants alone and yet I didn’t feel alone.  I talked to people around me. Some were happy to talk while others were monosyllable.  It didn’t bother me when someone didn’t feel like talking.  Not taking things personally is a skill that I am mastering.

I am sufficient, I am enough!  It is a great realization!  The more self sufficient, the happier I am alone,  the better a partner I will be when the right person comes along.  There is empowered in solo adventures.

I plan on doing much more travelling alone if no one wants to come with me.  Everyone is welcome to join me but I am not waiting for anyone.  Life waits for nobody, why should I?

“At first I felt dizzy – not with the kind of dizziness that makes the body reel but the kind that’s like a dead emptiness in the brain, an instinctive awareness of the void.” – Fernando Pessoa

Park City Mountain here I come!

19 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by in Daily Life, Finding Me, travels

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Park City, Utah

Park City, Utah

“Travel brings power and love back into your life.” – Rumi

Park City it is! I am excited to be going skiing in Utah. I have never been there before and I do want to see every US state, so another one off the list. The hotel and the flights are booked and paid for so there is no changing my mind now.

Now I have to reserve the skis and schedule the lessons. I think I will take a couple of days of lessons and the other 3 days will be on my own. I am going alone, so I think I will play by ear and not plan every single moment.

I have been trying to learn how to ski for a few years now. Three years ago I had an awesome experience in Snowmass, CO. I took group lessons with this female instructor who was phenomenal. I wish I would remember her name. I gained so much confidence with her. I learned different skills; I even did a jump and a half-pipe.  For that moment in time I even lost my fear of speed.  I was on top of the world.

Then 2 years ago I went to Whistler and the mountain kicked my behind. I started on the blues and ended up on the bunny hill. It was very icy so I think that made me nervous and eroded my confidence. Not only that, but I also think that I was too over confident and a bit too conceited.

I have been to Whistler 3 times and even with this bad experience it remains one of my favorite places in the world, and I will definitely return at some point soon.

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

From the bad experience in Whistler I learned:
1) Overconfidence can backfire. I was in a group and the other people were slower and less experienced than I was, so I was having an attitude, not externally, but internally.  In my mind I was the best and they were slowing me down.  That until I panicked and froze on a blue run.  I need to keep my ego in check and be more patient with others and myself.
2) I have to realize that different days and different conditions will bring about different experiences. It was pure ice and freezing in Whistler, so it would certainly be a different experience than fluffy power and warmer temperatures in Colorado. I need to better manage my expectations.  The best is not to have any.
3) I don’t have to let setbacks define me and even stop me. I am going to continue. So I have to re-start, so what? No one is keeping score other than me. And even if I am a beginner forever, who cares? As long I enjoy every moment, being grateful for the opportunity every skiing day is a success. (or any day doing anything)
4) It showed me how much I really love skiing and what I am made of. Even at my worst, even when I felt terrified to leave the bunny slope I decided to continue on.  I decided not to let that one bad experience define me. I am not the failure to ski blues, I am the success of keep going on the greens.  I create my own definition of success.

Why do I so enjoy something that I struggle with so much? Perhaps because of the struggle. Perhaps because it is a challenge and I want to conquer it.

I like challenges.  Several years ago I wanted to learn how to scuba dive but was always terrified of water. I went every night to the YMCA and slowly talked myself into letting go of the borders of the swim pool. Slowly I grew more comfortable in the water. I became certified and and went on a few adventures. I am still not comfortable in the water, but I like that I went ahead and learned enough to be certified and do something I always wanted to try.

But the real answer is that I never feel more free than at the top of a mountain. At that moment there is no work, there is no family, there is no problems or dramas; there is nothing else except getting to the bottom.   Often difficult, sometimes scary and even paralyzing, but totally freeing. My definition of heaven!

“Travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.” – Gustave Flaubert