Tag Archives: more respect and less judgement

My dating life, or lack thereof

25 Friday Feb 2022

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Dating

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“If someone is able to show me that what I think or do is not right, I will happily change, for I seek the truth, by which no one was ever truly harmed. It is the person who continues in his self-deception and ignorance who is harmed.” ― Marcus Aurelius

I haven’t gone on many dates lately, just a drink here and there.   I am busy with work, and most of the guys I have been matched with don’t seem to be good matches for me.

Most guys are either too young or live too far.  Some of the older ones are retired in Florida.  I am not moving to Florida any time soon, or ever.

Then, there are the usual jerks.   As an example, there was this one guy that asked if I was vaccinated.  I said yes.  He then replied:

“I need to be with someone who is intelligent enough to see through the narratives. Look at what they’re doing in Canada now. Martial Law.”

I was shocked.   There is really no response to that.  I just closed the chat.  

This, to me, is not about being pro or against the vaccine, but about people being so judgmental, inflexible and unwilling to have a conversation about different opinions; or the assumption of a different opinion.  

For the record: I don’t mind talking about the vaccine.  I was vaccinated because I felt I had to.  Once I got the 1 dose of JNJ, I felt it was the right decision for me at that point.  I have not gotten the booster yet.  I am still on the fence, leaning towards not getting it.

I got covid in December and I am still struggling with some remaining issues: heartburn, mental fogginess and anxiety. Would it have been worst without the shot? 

“I am what I might term an unprejudiced sceptic. I am not given to either believing or disbelieving things ‘on principle,’ as I have found many idiots prone to be, and what is more, some of them not ashamed to boast of the insane fact.” ― William Hope Hodgson

Moving on. Some of the guys that I am talking to and deciding if I am going to meet or not:

The hypnotist:  I am afraid he will hypnotize me.  I am scared he will turn me into a chicken or worse, make me believe I am so in love with him. Kidding/no kidding.   He gave me his whole information and I checked him out.  He is legit.    

The very young and very cute:  There are a couple of them.  They are both in their early 40s.  I am not.  Is it worth meeting guys where the relationship will go nowhere?  Probably not, but they have been so charming and, so far, saying all the right things.

The wordy accountant:  I may meet this one on Sunday.   I am not sure.  He lives over an hour away, but says he doesn’t mind driving to my area.  He is going on and on about the fact that he is looking for a long-term relationship and not a one night stand.  Is he trying to convince me or himself?

“Potential requires exploration.”
― Laurence Galian

***

Tonight I am going to have drinks with someone I went on a couple of dates with, 5 years ago.  I wrote about him in a couple of posts.  He is the guy (widower) that I mention towards the end of this post:

https://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2017/06/07/what-is-so-bad-about-being-being-positive/

It is just a drink to catch up.  He was a nice guy, but reading back I realized that he kind of ghosted me.  I am keeping an open mind.  But I am doubly cautious about embarking in anything.  I keep saying I want to make new mistakes…

“The past is never where you think you left it.”
― Katherine Anne Porter

“Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.” ― Confucius

24 Sunday May 2020

Posted by in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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“It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get.”― Confucius

I caught myself being short tempered yesterday.  I was at the new office dealing with different issues. There was the electrician, the cable guy and the appliance delivery guy.  The delivery guy was rude.  I tried to ignore it and make conversation, but all I got was grunting.  I didn’t say anything but I wanted to. I wanted to ask what was his problem.  But I didn’t.  Instead I gave him a $20 tip.

I realized that my interaction with him was going to be very short lived and there was no need to be confrontational.  Also, I realized that I have no idea what battles he is fighting.  He is out there putting himself at risk so people like me can get their appliances, and whatever else we order. I decided not to make any assumptions.  Not everyone is friendly and likes to talk.

I constantly need to remind myself to be less critical of others and to stop expecting people to act as I would. I needed to choose respect and understanding.

“Consideration for others is the basis of a good life, a good society.”
― Confucius

Confucius uses the word “jen” to describe love or humanity, or more specific, a compassionate love for humanity/the world.  Having jen is having compassion and love for each other and that is something that we need a lot now more than ever.

Nowadays it seems that everything is about division and we are forced to take sides on every issue. I don’t mean to imply that people should stand in silence in the face of injustice, but not everything is a fight, not everything needs to be made into a war.

“Attack the evil that is within yourself, rather than attacking the evil that is in others.”― Confucius

I am a democrat but I don’t need to love everything about the democrats and hate the republicans.  I don’t have to choose a side.

I want people to stay at home, but I am not a hypocrite.  I stayed as long as I could. Once the lease and construction of the new office was finalized I have gone out every now and then to get it up and running. I expect deliveries.  Things don’t magically show up.  There are many people behind each package I get.  That fact is not lost on me.

Everyone staying at home 100% of the time  it is just not doable. Not only from the monetary aspect of it, but also the mental one.  Not everyone is equipped to stay that long locked in.

“What the superior man seeks is in himself; what the small man seeks is in others.”― Confucius

Let’s remember that to everything there are exceptions. There is always the gray area.  There is the need for common sense.  There is the need to be reasonable, to reflect before jumping to conclusions. There is the need to respect our difference of opinions.

Before a quick retort, before an unkind word, before a confrontation, stop and reflect. Ask yourself if it is really necessary to act in such a way.  Kindness is the answer to every question.

We need more jen.  According to Confucius we are all born with jen, but it up to us to cultivate it.

“Tzu Chang asked Confucius about jen. Confucius said, “If you can practice these five things with all the people, you can be called jen.”

Tzu Chang asked what they were.

Confucius said, “Courtesy, generosity, honesty, persistence, and kindness.
If you are courteous, you will not be disrespected;
if you are generous, you will gain everything.
If you are honest, people will rely on you.
If you are persistent you will get results.
If you are kind, you can employ people.”

So, today try to look with kindness to all, starting at home with your family.  We are all struggling.  Some are better equipped to deal with this quarantine.  Let’s respect each other’s limitations.

Let’s not assume and impose our opinions on others. Less judgment and pointing fingers. Let’s create a Love Pandemic.  Let’s spread kindness.

“If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character.
If there is beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home.
If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nations.
When there is order in the nations, there will peace in the world.”
― Confucius