being saved, discrimination, guardian angels, hermaphrodite, intersex, miscommunication, online dating, rude people, trusting your instincts
“Trust instinct to the end, even though you can give no reason.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Indeed I have! Did I get offended? No! I shook my head at his ignorance. I pity people that think they have to try to offend others to make themselves feel better. I pity people that would use a condition that someone may be born with to insult. I am not offended not because I am not one, but because there is no shame in being one. To me it is like he called me black or gay or immigrant.
I guess I was offended by his ignorance, callousness and rudeness.
Here is what happened:
A guy contacted me on Match.com. He said: “I like what I see, let’s meet or talk on the phone”. I didn’t care for that approach. It rubbed me the wrong way, perhaps because it is generic and lacked thought. Perhaps because he was acting purely on the visual instead of “I like what I read on your profile”, which is normally what I get.
Still, I decided to be open minded and give him the benefit of the doubt. I replied asking for more information as he had only a couple of lines in his profile and only one picture that was not very clear. I explained that there are a lot of fake profiles so I wanted to be cautious and make sure he was a real person.
He replied with his Facebook link. I was able to be a little more assured.
After a couple of back and forth emails, he mentioned meeting at some point in my town. I said: What about tonight? He agreed and asked what time. I said: Any time that works for you.
Normally when I am suspicious of someone I offer to meet right away. Someone with a fake profile will never want to meet. They will either never reply again or they will insist on talking on the phone first.
Also, I rather meet someone right away, nothing beats face to face. I don’t want to waste time and energy and then meet in person and there is no chemistry.
After almost 2 hours he replied: Let’s talk and he gives me his number.
I replied that I was not interested in talking on the phone and if he didn’t want to meet we could just communicate on the site until ready to meet.
The following exchange ensued verbatim:
He: “I did not say I did not want to meet I wanted to talk on the phone to make the arrangement but since you seem to be so paranoid never mind.”
Me: “Paranoid? Ouch. Perhaps just unfairly assuming. Sorry it didn’t work out. Best wishes!”
He: “You are right more like Delusional Paranoid. You were probably a big hairy hermaphrodite. Lol best wishes to you too.”
Of course I was done. I am always thinking and hoping for the best in people. I am always thinking that miscommunication can be cleared up and people can part as friends.
It is sad to me that he chose to go that route. Even if I was wrong by assuming he didn’t want to meet, in no way it required or invited such response.
First, I want to thank my guardian angels for once again stepping up and preventing me from meeting and wasting my time on a mediocre human being.
Second, I look at the lesson in here. The lesson, I believe, is to trust my instincts. From the second he first emailed me I knew that there was something about him that I didn’t like.
And that was another day in my online dating life. The next post will be about last Saturday and Sunday brunch dates dates.
“Yoga says instinct is a trace of an old experience that has been repeated many times and the impressions have sunk down to the bottom of the mental lake. Although they go down, they aren’t completely erased. Don’t think you ever forget anything. All experiences are stored in the chittam; and, when the proper atmosphere is created, they come to the surface again. When we do something several times it forms a habit. Continue with that habit for a long time, and it becomes your character. Continue with that character and eventually, perhaps in another life, it comes up as instinct. (92)” – Swami Satchidananda