Tag Archives: Homeless

*Thank you for 3 great years! * One minute of humanity *Friendship or foolishness?

04 Wednesday Mar 2015

Posted by in Daily Life, Dating, Finding Me

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There is so much going on at the moment! I will share more on the next post.  For now I want to share a couple of things:

This month marks the 3rd year that my blog is in existence.  I think this is a huge achievement for me, specially since I am the queen of starting countless projects and not always sticking with them.

This blog has been everything for me!  I have said many times that I credit this blog with saving my sanity at the time of the breakup, were not for this blog I think I would be locked up in some mental institution still obsessing about my ex. As time goes by this blog becomes more and more meaningful to me.   It has become my friend and confidant.  This blog has kept me honest and accountable.  It has helped me see things clearer and some times make sense out of nonsense.

But a blog without a reader is nothing.  So this anniversary is dedicated to you my reader!  I see this anniversary as another excuse to thank you for reading and caring enough to give me some of your valuable insight.  You have touched my life and my journey with your energy and love and for that I am forever changed and forever grateful!

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust

***

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

On Friday evening while running to catch the train I stopped to talk to a homeless man.  I have written here many times on how I am unsure as to weather to stop or not as I never know if the person is mentally ill and will all of a sudden attack me.

On a side note,  I do miss my friend Milton and hope he is okay http://atomic-temporary-33385295.wpcomstaging.com/2013/07/16/milton-my-new-friend/  He had mentioned that NY city was going to provide him with an apartment in another part of town, so I am happy in the ignorance of thinking that is where he is, nice and warm and well fed. I remember him in my prayers specially in this cold weather.

So I stopped by this gray bearded man that looked over 60 years old but that was probably much younger.  As I am fishing for some money out of my bag I asked him if he was cold.  I know the stupidity of my question as this is one of the coldest winters in NY City, but he played along.  He said he was warm and sometimes too warm that he even had to remove his hat because he got sweaty.  As he says that he removes his hat.  Then we both at the same time started talking about how this was not a smart idea, to expose a sweaty head to freezing cold.  He mentioned that sometimes he gets a headache out of it and took some Advil.

He had the warmest, welcoming and grateful smile ever.  He was so happy that I stopped and talked to him.  I think that he appreciated that minute of conversation more than the money I gave him.

Unfortunately I only gave him a minute.  I waste so much of my time with mundane things and yet to a fellow human being I only gave one minute.  I am not proud!

I regret being in such a hurry to catch the train.  I was running to get ready for a date.  I was in such a hurry and he seemed to have so much to say that I didn’t even think of asking his name.

I felt bad.  Then the date got canceled.  Was it karma? Was I being punished?   Absolutely not!  The date being canceled was a major blessing!  When it got canceled I actually took a moment to stop and say a silent prayer to recognize God for his wisdom and thank him for blessing me with his guidance.  I had already something telling me this date was not a good idea and still I was going to go through with it,  I was trying to shut that little voice down.

It was blamed on miss-communication, but I totally credit my guardian angels.  I am the world’s most blessed person! Yes I am!  Even when I ignore signs and the little voice inside, God steps in and takes me out of the hands of trouble!

Feeling infinitely humbled and grateful!

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” ― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank

***

“friendship is the only cure for hatred, the only guarantee of peace.”
― Gautama Buddha

An update regarding the guy from the last post:  In a very strange twist he and I have become closer.  I canceled the weekend, we talked about it, he understood, and I thought I would never hear from him again.  The very next day he calls me and asks me if I was angry with him and never wanted to talk to him again.  Again we talked for a long time and we agreed to continue to talk and to continue to be 100% honest with each other.  We have not met again as I am very busy and so he is, and then there is the snow, etc, but we are supposed to meet for dinner one of these days.

We talk every day, we make each other laugh.  In a weird way I feel I can trust him more than some other people.  I appreciate that he was honest with me.  I respect that he didn’t try to change my mind.  He said it was a non-issue and that it was fine if I was not interested, end of the story. He also said that he only brought it up because I had mentioned that I wanted to experience things and be more open and free. My excuse for that kind of talk is that we had a very long awesome date, I had had a couple of cocktails and wine, and I have  my 49th birthday looming in my mind. So I was high on life and feeling the urgency of living.  I feel the time to be crazy is now or never.  I was feeling very courageous and adventurous. He said that he thought since he hasn’t done that in a long time he thought it would be perfect.  I now learned that I have to be careful with what I say. My definition of being crazy is clearly very different than his.  Crazy for me is having 3 drinks, dancing on the table and making out on the first date.

(I am writing his and mine conversation not to excuse him or make his offer okay.  Drugs are still not okay in my book, but I have to recognize that I have played a part in leading him on in that conversation.  That night I was definitely writing checks that my ass couldn’t probably ever cash!!)

“We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.” ― Rudyard Kipling, The Light That Failed

Perhaps I am flirting with disaster with continuing this friendship or perhaps I am testing the possibility that 2 people with opposing views in a subject can actually become close friends.  Whatever it is, I decided that this was not grounds to stop talking to him. In a way I have to thank him for:

  • making me more aware of how my words and actions can send people mixed signals
  • making me realize that appearances can be deceiving
  • making me realize that even though I am older and wiser I can still be susceptible and weak to certain things

Only time can tell what this friendship will bring…

“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

Milton, my new friend!

16 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by in Daily Life, Volunteering

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I walk 10 blocks from my office to Grand Central Station. This is normally very fast paced without much attention paid to my surroundings.  Because of my hip injury I have been forced to slow down and as a consequence I am paying more attention to things and people along the way.

Last week as I walked up Madison Avenue, I noticed that there were 6 beggars (what is the correct word to use?) in those 10 blocks.  I was shocked and saddened.  Some of those faces I had seen before, but most were totally new.

What is their stories?  Where are  their families?  Are they mentally ill? sick? homeless?  Or do they have fully furnished apartments somewhere and just enjoy this lifestyle? I guess I would love to think that the answer is the latest, but it is unlikely.

I am ashamed to say that I am tempted not to walk on Madison Avenue anymore and just use Park Avenue.  One block away and there are no beggars.  The reason why I am tempted to avoid the beggars is because I am at a loss of what to do.  I have written about it before.  Do I give money, food, or do I just ignore them and go along with my life?

I think that what they need most is perhaps a friendly smile and conversation.  I decided to try to talk to the ones that seem receptive.  So far I have managed to speak to only one.  I am afraid of some of the others.  I think I have mentioned in a past post how, many years ago, I approached a man laying on the side walk to hand him a plate of food and he yelled at the top of his lungs for me to leave him alone.  Frankly it scared and scarred me!  At that moment I thought that perhaps is not my right to interfere with anyone’s life unless they asked me directly.

This is Milton.  He was pleasantly surprised when I asked to take a picture of him.  I explained it was for my blog.

Milton

Milton sits in a wheelchair at the entrance of a store that has been closed down.   I asked him where he sleeps and he said that when he gets enough money he sleeps in a hotel around the corner.  He said he worked in that hotel for many years before and they are nice to him.  He mentioned that the city of New York is lining up an apartment for him to move in in August.

I am curious about his situation, but I am not going to bombard him with too many questions at this point.  He said he came from Virginia with the dream of making it big in the city, but due to severe arthritis he has been wheelchair bound and unable to work. Do I complete believe that?  I don’t know,  but I decided it is not my right to question or judge him.  I think that is his truth and is that is good enough for me.

He is so friendly and warm, always with a smile on his face.  Today I asked him if he drinks. He said:  “I am not going to lie to you, I normally have a beer in the afternoon, but never this early” (it was 9 am).  I gave him a few dollars and asked that my money be used to buy food or clothing, but not to drink.  He said okay.

I approached him the first time because he seemed safe, non-threatening.  He was not talking to himself or yelling at the world. He didn’t smell of alcohol or drugs.  He was actually sleeping the first time I approached him, I had not realized that until I said hello and I startled him.  Even when startled he responded with a smile.

I may have approached him also perhaps because of the wheelchair. My father had to have one of his legs amputated, and every man I see in a wheelchair I imagine that man could be my father and I wish more than anything that people treat him as they would  treat any able-bodied man.  And because my father is elderly I wish that people also treat him with respect and kindness.

That is perhaps the reason that I try to be extra kind to elders.  Living so far from my parents, I figure the way I treat the older people I encounter gets translated into the way others treat my parents.  A Universe paying back type of thing.

Speaking of older people, once again I am encountering road blocks in my attempt to volunteer at a nursing home, similar to my attempt at the nursing home at the hospital.  I wonder if the road blocks are a sign saying this is not for me or perhaps it is to test my perseverance in wanting to help.

…but getting back to my original idea when I started writing this post.  Are there more beggars in NY city now? or perhaps I have only now started paying attention. Is this increase in beggars in  New York reflective of the economy? is money at the core? or perhaps drug and alcohol are the main culprits. Families not taking care of their own?  individuals giving up?  the mentally ill not having appropriate care?  not enough jobs, no access to education and healthcare…

At the end of the day, there is no escape, be it in NY or Sao Paulo there needs to be more done for this entire segment of the population.  The high taxes we pay need to go to the right areas.

and what am I doing? what should I be doing?

I am blessed and I know it (we are all blessed but some are blind to it)  While I plan skiing vacations, some don’t know where they will lay their head this very night.   While I sit at a fancy restaurant, some don’t know where their next meal is coming from.  While I cry about not having a boyfriend, some just wish for a friendly smile.

Today I asked Milton if he thought life was good.  He said: “yes, it is very good, thinking otherwise is not going to help”. I said to him: “If you don’t have everything you love , love everything you have”(not sure whose quote this is).  He thought that was the best thing he ever heard.  He said he is going to memorize it and remember it often. oh and he also said I looked so good today, he said I looked like I was going to a party with all my bling. I did dress up a little more than usual today and it is always nice to get a compliment! 🙂

I have a feeling I am going to miss Milton when he moves to his new apartment!

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson