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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Tag Archives: elderly parents

Absence makes the heart grow fonder :-)

03 Tuesday Sep 2024

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

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back in NY, Brazil and back, elderly parents, Remote work, still here

“For a moment I felt the quiet hungering thing that comes inside when you return to the place of your origins, and then the ache of mis-belonging. It was beautiful, this place, and it was savage. It swallowed you and made you a part of itself, or it you proved too inassimilable, it spit you out like the pit of a plum.
I’d left here of my own will, and yet it seemed the city had banished in much the same way I’d banished it. Seeing it now after so long, seeing the marsh grass pitching wildly around the edges of the city, the rooftops hunkered together with their ship watches and widow walks, and behind them, the steeples of St Philip’s and St Michael’s lifted like dark fingers, I was not sorry for loving Charleston or for leaving it. Geography had made me who I was.”
― Sue Monk Kidd, The Invention of Wings

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Far away family and unfinished floors

25 Wednesday Mar 2020

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life

≈ 13 Comments

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Brazil, car leases, coronavirus worries, elderly parents, family far away, flooring mess, grin and bear it, home improvements, Honda HRV, questions and answers, rent or buy, Sao Paulo, unfinished business

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”― Paulo Coelho

My friend, and fellow blogger, David from Life and Random Thinking https://dfolstad58.wordpress.com/ asked me 2 questions while commenting on a post.  Here are the questions and answers:

David asked: How is your mom in Brazil? How did your reno turn out?

My family in Brazil.  My family lives in a town in the state of Sao Paulo.  The population is about 85,000.  As of this moment there are no confirmed cases of the Coronavirus there, but I think it is only a matter of time.  

Healthcare in Brazil is really bad.  Too often hospitals lack equipment and space.  I cannot imagine what will happen if they become inundated with cases. On top of that, our president follows everything Trump says and does.  Right now he is arguing with governors and mayors over what he calls “overreaction”. 

My parents don’t seem too worried about themselves, or at least they don’t show.  They worry about the economy and the people that cannot afford to stay at home until this is over.  Mom is also sad that all our travel plans had to be canceled.  She was coming to NY in April.  Now all is on hold.

I remain positive that my mother, who is turning 85 years old on May 1st and my dad who is 83 will be okay.  They are homebodies anyway so it is not hard to keep them at home.  I worry about the people that normally come to the house.  

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” ― George Burns

My brother, who is 62 years old, is the one that oversees the care of my parents.  He lives in the little house in the back of their house, so he is always there.  There is a lady that cleans the house twice a week and there is a nurse that comes once or twice a week to check on my dad issues with his leg (he had one leg amputated due to cancer). 

On our daily phone call, my sister and I have been stressing to them the need to use hand sanitizer and antibacterial wipes everywhere.  At this point we need to trust that they will do their best to keep my parents safe.

Living far from my parents for the past 36 years I had to learn to come to terms with many things.  There is not a lot I can do being far away, other than helping them financially.  Time doesn’t stop for anyone, they are getting older and will eventually part.  Every time I visit them it could be the last.  So I do all I can from here and every time I am there I make the most of it.  No regrets.

“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Apartment Renovation:  Don’t ask!  Just kidding, you can ask, but you just reminded me that my renovation is unfinished.  Not that I don’t see it every day. I have just been avoiding thinking about it.

The painting is done.  So are, the light fixtures, some removed and some hung up.  The flooring is another story. 

At this moment my sister’s bedroom has the new floor but the shoe moldings hasn’t been finished.  A friend who is a painter was doing the floor for me.  He said he knew how to do floors and he had done a few before.  Clearly he didn’t know anything about padding. 

When I mentioned wanting to keep the same padding that was under the carpeting that was removed he didn’t fight me on it.  Clearly it was the wrong call. When you step on the floor it moves.  He wanted to redo it right away, but I didn’t have the mental energy for it.  I got so frustrated that I halted everything.  

The picture below is my sister’s room.  Because the moldings weren’t finished the planks are moving, so the gaps are starting to show and become wider.

My sister’s room

My bedroom has only padding on the floor, as you can see on the picture below.  Even though my carpet wasn’t that bad I went ahead and removed it, thinking that the floor was going to be installed right away.   

All the flooring and the padding material are now hidden under my bed waiting until my mind is clear so I can choose what to do next.  I put some rugs down for now.

Please note that my friend was not doing me a favor, I probably paid him more than the going rate for the job. I don’t blame him.  I blame myself.

My bedroom

“The true genius shudders at incompleteness — imperfection — and usually prefers silence to saying the something which is not everything that should be said.”― Edgar Allan Poe

Thank you for asking David! You probably didn’t intend on getting such a long answer.  Be careful what you ask for/about! 🙂 ♥♥

Be blessed and safe everyone!

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When the child becomes the parent

01 Wednesday May 2019

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

back from Brazil, doing the best that I can, elderly parents, life is finite, waiting game

“The value of a moment is immeasurable. The power of just ONE moment can propel you to success and happiness or chain you to failure and misery.” ― Steve Maraboli

I was in Brazil for 10 days and got back to New York on Friday.  I love going but I love returning even more.  I miss my routine, even the craziness of work.  There is comfort in routine.

On Monday I alerted the auditors that I was back but so far I have not heard anything from them.  I guess they are working on some other firm at the moment.  I just want to be finished and not have it hanging over my head.

My mom again returned with me to stay a couple of weeks.  Mom is 84 today.  She looks amazing.  She has taken great care of herself.  No wrinkles!  But unfortunately her health is not equally that great.

She has to take a lot medication for different ailments.  I am used to her being non-stop, a total dynamo.  It is sad to see that she is not the same energetic person she used to be.  That gives me a lot pause and gets me thinking about my own life and future.

I think she is a good mirror for me to base my actions on.  Seeing her deteriorate reminds me to not to waste time, energy, youth and a healthy body.  This life cycle is finite.

My mom now reminds me to live my life to the fullest, to have more fun, to do more, make more mistakes, celebrate life.

Now that mom’s health is not that great I feel like a parent to a child I never had.  I don’t mean that in a bad way.  I just worry and try to do all I can to make her life easier.  Unlike a child, an older parent gets more dependent as time goes by.

While mom is in town I am getting into work at 6 am and trying to leave at 1pm so she is not alone for long.   So far it has worked.

I am focusing on the blessing of still having my parents!  I am focusing on doing all that I can to make my parent’s life comfortable and still fun.  All the rest are mere details.

Bye, we are now off to the casino 🙂

“Everybody seems to be doing different things but actually they do the same thing: They try to survive in this world, each with their own style!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

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