“. . .sometimes one feels freer speaking to a stranger than to people one knows. Why is that?”
“Probably because a stranger sees us the way we are, not as he wishes to think we are.” – Carlos Ruiz Zafon, The Shadow of the Wind
In the previous post I mentioned that I have now been speaking to a couple of guys online. These are not guys on an online dating site where you get to see pictures and read some information on their profiles. These are guys that responded to ads I placed in Craigslist.
I don’t know anything about them, neither have I seen any pictures. I only know the very little they volunteered. I also volunteered very little. I realize that no matter how much they tell me about themselves, unless I am able to verify it, I will never know for sure. I could be speaking to a teenager or a bored housewife, but still I continue.
I am enjoying these exchanges a lot. I enjoy the attention, the anonymity and the mystery. At this point I don’t intend on meeting them. I don’t know what they want but I am happy with having smart and fun conversations.
At times I get very curious and I think perhaps, just perhaps… I think I would rather never meet and keep this going then meet them and have this disappear.
The first guy is S.: I couldn’t tell you his name even if I wanted to since I don’t know it. I only know the first initial. He said he is single, 41 and a technologist. He doesn’t seem to have a set work schedule, so I think he is some kind of computer consultant.
We had longer emails in the beginning, now we have short ones more often. He likes to write me poems that are smart, funny and conveys his feelings. I write poems back, struggling to search for words that not only rhyme but have meaning. I like the challenge.
“It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;—it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.” – Jane Austin
The other is Joe. He is divorced, has 2 grown kids and a dog. He said he is 48. He makes some grammar errors that are really glaring, such as your instead of you are. I correct him at times, now I am just going with the flow. Our emails are longer. He likes to describe in details locations he has been and people he has met. I enjoy the attention to details he has that I don’t possess.
At one point I thought they were the same person and asked each other that. Even though they write very differently something about them is similar. I asked and they both denied being the same person.
There was a moment there that the conversation could have turned sexual in nature, but I made a point of keeping on the sexy/flirty side, but not sexual side. I have mentioned to both that I am not interested in sexting and both were fine with keeping things friendly and at times flirty.
They both sound much younger than their ages. Who am I really talking to? Are they really being as honest as I am. I don’t know. Somehow to me my honesty is good enough. Let them deal with their own truth or lack thereof.
For now this situation satisfies me. A stranger is a territory waiting to be discovered, a gift waiting to be opened, a miracle waiting to reveal itself. I am the believer in all of that. The strangers are the conduits of my hopes and dreams.