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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

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Blessed with a Star on the Forehead

Tag Archives: alone

Freedom, not loneliness

29 Wednesday Jun 2022

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me

≈ 43 Comments

Tags

alone, but not lonely, exercise and sauna, library room and reading corner, mosaic studio, renovating and redecorating, tenants and landlords

“You can change the place you live, your clothes, your interests, your friends, your religion and even your partner. However, if you forgot to change your mind, attitude, beliefs about the world, how you treat people and how you plan to be different this time around, why did you even bother?” ― Shannon L. Alder

After 5 years of living with me, my sister moved into her own place. It was not planned.  It happened very quickly.

I was 17 years old when I moved to NY.  She stayed in Brazil.  For the next 34 years we would see each once or twice a year.  In 2017 she got her Green Card and came to live with me. 

We are both fiercely independent Aries, loving our freedom and independence. Living together came with some adjustments.   Apparently I was doing a lot things wrong until she got here and showed me how to do it correctly 🙂  We both think we know it all! Things were better than expected though, we settled in a nice rhythm, and 5 years went by.

My tenant moved out on June 15, and I decided to sell the condo.  No more tenants for me.  I took my sister there to see it for the first time.  She fell in love with it.  

She is now my tenant while she saves more money for an official down payment.  She has been saving and investing since she got her first job here, so it will not take long.  I am extremely proud of her for being in the position to own something of her own here in the US.

We are both very excited to have our own spaces again, but she won’t be far.  We are in the same building. She is only a floor away. 



THE ABOVE CARTOON SAYS:
You get home, make coffee, sit on your favorite chair and there is no one…
You are the one that decides if that is loneliness or freedom.

So now I have my second bedroom back.  It is a good size bedroom, but I have so many ideas for it, that I will need 5 additional bedrooms to do it all.

Guest/Mom’s room- I will need a day bed or a sleep sofa. Comfy, but stylish.

Library/Reading corner -I will need a bookshelf and a comfy chair.

Mosaic studio – I will need a table and storage space for the materials.

Exercise corner – I will need to buy an elliptical. Need space to store mat, elastic bands, weights, etc. There are 2 closets, but I rather have those items easy, ready to use.

Sauna corner – need a space for my sauna blanket.  I am tired of rolling and unrolling it to use. And somewhere to place it – on the floor is not that comfortable.  Perhaps I will use the daybed when I get it or some small futon.

If you know me, you know I am a saver and not a spender, so I am not running out and buying a bunch of stuff to fill the room.  Specially after I take a look at my investments-scarily low. I will take my time.

“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.” ― Maya Angelou

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Foolish Heart

02 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in Dating, Finding Me

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

alone, game, Heart, love, tired

The other day I felt I needed to have a heart to heart with my heart, so I sat down to start to write it a note.  Then I realized that Steve Perry already wrote what I wanted to say:

“Foolish Heart”

I need a love that grows
I don’t want it unless I know
With each passing hour
Someone somehow
Will be there, ready to share

I need a love that’s strong
I’m so tired of being alone
But will my lonely heart play the part
Of the fool again
Before I begin

Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You’ve been wrong before
Don’t be wrong any more

I’m feeling that feeling again
I’m playing a game I can’t win
Love’s knocking on the door
Of my heart once more
Think I’ll let him in
Before I begin

Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You’ve been wrong before
Don’t be wrong any more

Foolish heart
Foolish, foolish heart
You’ve been wrong before

Foolish heart, hear me calling
Stop before you start falling
Foolish heart, heed my warning
You’ve been wrong before
Don’t be wrong any more

Foolish heart
Oh, foolish, foolish heart
You’ve been wrong before
Foolish, foolish heart

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There are no victims here!!!!!

12 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by A Star on the Forehead in EX Files

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Tags

alone, no victims, now, past, tennis

I find myself alone… and I have to sit still with that thought.  I have to say it aloud and wait until that thought leaves the room!

It is a numbing feeling, but I feel better just acknowledging that fact!

Now that I recognize it and own it, I have nothing to do, but move on.

Yes, I have my “victim” moments.  My moments of looking around and comparing myself to others, others that seem to lead such great, busy fulfilled and fun-filled lives. Moments of looking back and comparing to where I was not too long ago.

Today I had such a moment.  I went to the neighboring town tennis courts to hit on  the wall, and I get there and somebody is there using the wall.  So I sit and wait and watch people playing on the courts.

I used to live in a house with a private tennis court and swimming pool, with a man that enjoying instructing and playing with me, and now I sit here with no one to play with and wondering if I will be booted out for playing on the wall when I don’t even live in  this town.

At moments like this where I start missing what I had and tears start to well up in my eyes I have to make a choice: Do I run home and get under the covers and cry my eyes out hiding from the world, or I just face my new circumstance head on and move on.  And I choose the latter. And already feel stronger for making that choice!

I do choose to look at the fact that I am better off for having known ex. I have learned a lot with him. I choose to thank God for having allowed me to benefit from a beautiful house with pool and tennis court. I thank God for allowing me to be part of ex and Chiefy’s lives for almost 3 years. I am going to rejoice on the memories I had and all I did and learn with and from him. I choose not to cry (well at least try not to) over what I no longer have.

Sitting on that park bench today, deciding to go home or sit and wait for the wall to be available, I said to myself: Moments like this, when you feel lonely and alone; when you feel sorry for yourself for not having anyone to play tennis with, when you vividly remember the clay court you once had at any time you wanted, those are the moments that shape you and make you stronger.  These are the important choices in life. Take control of your life and live and enjoy the small moments.

The person using the wall left. I felt such happiness facing that wall.  Thank you God for giving me this incredible soul and mind.  For allowing me to rejoice on simple moments such as this.

I will try to chase away the feelings that nag at me, such as not having taken advantage of all I had, and now I want so much!!

So I attacked that wall as if my life tempted on, and I had a great time.

As I sit here with ice on my back I have learned another lesson: the need to warm up and not over do it!!!

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