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“There are three ways you can get along with a girl: one, shut up and listen to what she has to say; two, tell her you like what she’s wearing; and three, treat her to really good food…If you do all that and still don’t get the results you want, better give up.” ― Haruki Murakami

Last night I had the second date with the 58 year semi-retired engineer. We went to La Piccola Casa em Mamaroneck, NY.  It is a restaurant that sits across the street from the Harbor.  And that is the only good thing about it.

Any time that the butter served with the bread tastes like fridge (you know, like it has been stored unsealed in the fridge for several days) I know it will not be a good experience.  I had the spaghetti Bolognese and that was okay.  My date had the spinach and veal ravioli.  He said he couldn’t detect veal or spinach. I didn’t want to try it.  There was no cocktail menu, so I had a glass of prosecco.    

For dessert I had the tiramisu and he had the chocolate mousse cake.  I took one bite of each and that was it.  Both tasted old!  I will never return to that restaurant. 

Now on to my date.  He was, again, charming and well dressed.  He said I looked pretty every chance he got.  He looked into my eyes and I could see joy.  I cannot find fault with him.  Except that there is really no chemistry.  I went on the second date hoping that I would feel sparks. No such luck.

I should know better.  With me chemistry is either there or not there, it doesn’t seem to grow out of nowhere.  But still I will always err on the side of a second date to make sure.

After dinner we walked across the street and sat at a swinging bench by the water.  It was pretty and romantic.  Really ideal, except that I felt I was sitting with a friend and not a potential lover.  I was hoping he wouldn’t try to kiss me, but at the same time I figured that would be the best way to detect if there was any chemistry.

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.”  Emil Ludwig

He said something cute, got up, faced me and then kissed me.  As I suspected I really felt nothing.  I kissed him back out of politeness.  I mean, what is one to do?   There was no make out session or anything, just a kiss.  It is not like he was a bad kisser.  I have had bad kissers before.  It was just no sparks.  My lips didn’t want to be there.

Didn’t I feel anything because I expected to feel nothing?  Did I really give him a chance? Do I run any time someone likes me so much?  All possibilities.

On the walk to my car he mentioned that he likes a lot kissing, touching, etc, and that we wouldn’t be a match if I didn’t like the same.  I guess he realized that I was not really into the kiss.  I didn’t have the heart to say, right then and there, what the problem really was. 

He asked me about meeting for a 3rd date this weekend.  I said that I wasn’t sure as I didn’t know about my schedule, but I would let him know.  That was the truth.  I didn’t know if I was going away this weekend or not.   And, believe it or not, I was still on the fence about a third date.  He did mention going to a steakhouse I like.  Who can blame me?

The next morning, I woke up completely sure of what I needed to do.  I had to tell him that I was not feeling it.  I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings.  Does it hurt to be told that your feelings are not reciprocated? It does! But to me it is more hurtful to be told a stupid excuse and have my intelligence insulted.

“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.”  James E. Faust

So when he texted me this morning to wish me a good day, I asked if he could talk.  He said yes and I called him.   I told him how amazing I think he is, but that I feel no chemistry and don’t think that it can magically appear.  I mentioned that I don’t want to waste his time and energy continuing to go on dates. 

He was very nice about it, as I knew he would be.  He said he understood.  He wished me well.  He said that he hoped I would find an amazing person.  He said to look him up any time I am in his area. I will.

The other guy from last week and I are just drifting off.  I am not really that interested either, even though he is also a nice guy.  And the search continues.

My sister and I are off to the Mountain Creek area in NJ to spend the weekend with a couple of friends. It will be very hot so we will be mostly by the pool instead of out and about or hiking.

You all have a blessed weekend! May you be open and welcoming to the infinite possibilities! Step out and take a chance.

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity.”
 Roy Bennett