21 Friday May 2021
Posted in Daily Life, Daily Message
I am doing a happy dance 🙂
“For a few minutes I tried to empty my mind entirely, to concentrate solely on breathing: sometimes it’s useful to rediscover simpler pleasures of life.” ―
ps. celebrate the fact that I have a post that goes right to the point
18 Tuesday May 2021
Posted in Daily Life
Tags
all under control, anxious and stressed, Covid-19 travel requirements, from NY to Sao Paulo, meditation and mindfulness, PCR-Covid test
“To let go means to give up coercing, resisting, or struggling, in exchange for something more powerful and wholesome which comes out of allowing things to be as they are without getting caught up in your attraction to or rejection of them, in the intrinsic stickiness of wanting, of liking and disliking.” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn
I am feeling anxious lately. I read somewhere that anxious people live in the future and depressed people live in the past. I am definitely living in the future. With my trip to Brazil looming, I find myself anywhere, but here and now.
Hi! My name is Ana and I am anxious!
Being in the here and now, is a constant struggle. Meditation helps, especially when I actually do it 🙂
“Meditation is the only intentional, systematic human activity which at bottom is about not trying to improve yourself or get anywhere else, but simply to realize where you already are” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn
Here are some of the sources of my anxiety.
Covid test: Airlines requires a negative Covid-19 test within 72 hours of flying. Testing centers say results will come in 3 to 7 days. Every place I have called, from my doctor’s office to hospitals, tell me that they cannot guarantee when I will get the results back because it will depend on how busy the lab is.
My friends tell me not to worry because they know people that have done it at CVS and they got the results in time. I don’t want uncertainty. I want a guarantee.
Is there ever a guarantee in anything in life? I guess the only certainty in life is death.
I finally found a place that guarantees a 24hr turn around for $200.00. I rather pay the $200.00 and not have to worry. But what if the test is positive? I have been vaccinated, but it could happen. 😦
“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” ― Corrie Ten Boom
Luggage: I haven’t gone to Brazil in almost 2 years, so things to take home have piled up. I paid more for a ticket that allows me to take 3 bags, but still is not enough. 23 kilos per suitcase is nothing if you are bringing bagels and bottles of lotions.
I have been having to remove items from my luggage to make it lighter. I stress myself out every trip, and promise myself to travel lighter next time. Note that I don’t bring a single item for me to wear. Everything is for my family and friends. Thankfully I have clothes already there.
What if my scale is not accurate and I am still over the limit? What if I forget to bring something for someone?
“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems” ― Epictetus
Work: Will I be able to work from there? Will the payroll go off without a hitch? What about the 401K submissions? What about the client’s invoices? Will there be any emergencies? I never stayed in Brazil this long (3 weeks).
I am doing whatever I can not to have any issues, but I know that things will happen and they will get managed. I am not a heart or brain doctor. No one will die if I cannot get back to them in a couple of days.
I will look less than perfect. I will lose my status as the person that gets it all done. Can I handle that?
“Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.” ― Epictetus
Dates: I canceled a bunch of dates. Did I just cancel a date with Prince Charming?
Cindy (https://uniquelyfitblog.com/) was not keeping up with my dating life so I decided to slow down for her. Haha, no, just kidding! I just didn’t see the point of adding dates to my busy schedule now.
I have been exchanging messages and texts with a few guys, but none have my full attention and interest to meet them now. They seem great but my mind is elsewhere.
If it is meant for me, it will be here when I return 😊
“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow.” – ― Thomas Paine
… and so I stress, knowing that everything will turn out as it is meant to be. And it will be perfect!
11 Tuesday May 2021
Posted in Daily Life, Daily Message, Finding Me
Tags
Brazil here I come, doing my part, Feeling blessed, going home, making list, parents and brother
“Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” ―
I have been thinking a lot about my family in Brazil. I have been waiting for the perfect time to go visit. The perfect time would be when this virus is gone from here, and from Brazil. But, who knows when that will be, or if it will ever be?
On the spur of the moment I bought a ticket to Brazil. I am leaving on May 22 and coming back on June 12. I am hoping 3 weeks is enough time to give my brother a break from taking care of my parents. He has been doing it for almost 2 years with no break. Normally my mom comes to NY twice a year, but Covid changed all that.
“I sustain myself with the love of family.” ―
My parents are 86 (mom) and 84 (dad). Mom’s hip is really giving her a hard time, so my brother is doing more and more around the house. We have someone that comes in twice a week to clean the house, and they order food out a few times a week, but there is always something to do.
I am bringing a laptop and will try to work from there, but the main objective of this trip is to spend time with my parents. Work will be secondary.
“If Light Is In Your Heart, You Will Find Your Way Home.”- Rumi
I have 11 days to get all done before I leave. I am now starting a series of lists to make sure I don’t forget anything. No one does my functions, so if I don’t do it, it will not get done.
I have lists of deadlines at work, of what to pack, of gifts to buy, of people to contact, and on and on. I am about to start a list to track all my lists ;-). I love making lists. It makes me feel that I am, somewhat, in control of things.
“You need to make time for your family no matter what happens in your life” ―
Let the shopping and packing start. There are a lot things to buy to take home. The most requested items are: vitamins and supplements, Victoria Secret’s body lotions, Lindt Chocolates. I will also brings bagels and pita chips for the family.
Similar to how I felt about the vaccine, I was unsure about traveling to Brazil. Then, at the moment I bought the tickets, it just felt right. AS if everything fell in place, and all is right in the world.
I feel blessed, yet again, for the freedom of coming and going. Mask or no mask!
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” ―
05 Wednesday May 2021
Posted in Daily Life, Dating
Tags
Burgundy hair, Dubrovnik Restaurant, first date, it is a no, nice but no go, not worth the drive
On Friday I met Flexible Guy. Flexible as in easy-going, not as in bendy; which he probably is also.
We were scheduled to meet at Dubrovnik Restaurant at 6pm. He called me and let me know that he was going to be 15 minutes late. It was going to take him 2 hours driving. I was walking 5 minutes. That is fair! 😉 I am worth it.
I got there at 6pm to make sure to secure our table. I was seated at the covered patio upstairs. To sit outside, in the beautiful courtyard, was out of the question. It was too windy, and with a chance of rain.
He came in 10 minutes later. In the meantime I had got acquainted with the couple on the next table. They were an elderly couple. The man kept joking and the woman pretending she was upset with his jokes. So cute to see.
My date walked in and I got up and gave him a hug. I am a hugger. He looked like his pictures. His hair was a weird color, which I asked him about it. It was by design and not an accident. I don’t like orangey burgundy hair on anyone, but he did manage to pull it off.
He was wearing some huge rings. One was a skull, one was an eagle and one looked like claws. I liked them. I like people that have unique style, and don’t care what people think.
“There never as been, nor will there ever be, another like you. Your singular perspective may patch some small hole in the vast tattered fabric of humanity. Uniqueness alone, however, does not make you valuable. If you don’t do, if you don’t dare, then you rob the world — and yourself–of the chance to contribute something meaningful.” ―
It was a Croatian restaurant. Fish reigns there. They bring a platter with a variety of seafood, table side, to explain each one in detail. It was a 5 minutes explanation on each type of fish and shellfish.
I didn’t care for any of the appetizers, as they were mostly shellfish, so we split some grilled vegetables to start. For the main course I had the branzino with risotto. He had the red snapper with potatoes and Swiss chard. For dessert I had the chocolate cake that was made with almond flour, almonds and orange. He had the Kremsnita, a puffy pastry with vanilla custard cream.
Everything was delicious. The only thing that was lackluster was the drinks. The bartender had no idea what he was doing. I don’t like to send anything back, food or drink, but I had to send the cosmopolitan back. Even after I doctored it with more cranberry juice, it was awful. I just got the prosecco instead, and my date had a dirty martini.
After a few hours, the manager offered to give us a free drink if we chose to go to the bar so they could sit another party. I was okay with that, we were already done and ready to go anyway. We just sat at the bar so he could settle the bill.. We both declined the free drink.
We had a great time, talking and laughing. Unfortunately there was no chemistry for me. He wanted to go on a second date, but I don’t want him to drive another 2 hours when I already know that I have no interest in romance. If he lived closer we would probably go out again as friends.
“And what is a kiss, specifically? A pledge properly sealed, a promise seasoned to taste, a vow stamped with the immediacy of a lip, a rosy circle drawn around the verb ‘to love.’ A kiss is a message too intimate for the ear, infinity captured in the bee’s brief visit to a flower, secular communication with an aftertaste of heaven, the pulse rising from the heart to utter its name on a lover’s lip: ‘Forever.”―
The woman from the office next door came over to ask me how my date went. Yes, I do announce to all that will listen when I am going on a date. 🙂 Well, not really, but I am the type that if you ask me what I am doing tonight I will tell you exactly what.
I just simply said that it was good but there will not be a second date. Some people don’t understand why I don’t want to go on a second date, and see if anything develops. To me, it is there or isn’t there. It is that simple. She insisted, asking me Why? why? over and over.
“Because I don’t want to kiss him” – I said. She burst out laughing. I was not trying to be funny. If I don’t see myself potentially kissing someone, then I don’t want to waste my time or theirs. Of course, relationships are not only about that, but if that is missing, then there is no future.
Sorry David https://dfolstad58.wordpress.com/ , Once again I didn’t take a single picture of my food or the restaurant 😦 The picture at the top was found online, it is of their courtyard.
“The saddest word
in the whole wide world
is the word almost.
He was almost in love.
She was almost good for him.
He almost stopped her.
She almost waited.
He almost lived.
They almost made it.”
―
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 