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“To let go means to give up coercing, resisting, or struggling, in exchange for something more powerful and wholesome which comes out of allowing things to be as they are without getting caught up in your attraction to or rejection of them, in the intrinsic stickiness of wanting, of liking and disliking.” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn

I am feeling anxious lately.  I read somewhere that anxious people live in the future and depressed people live in the past.  I am definitely living in the future.  With my trip to Brazil looming, I find myself anywhere, but here and now. 

Hi!  My name is Ana and I am anxious!

Being in the here and now, is a constant struggle.  Meditation helps, especially when I actually do it  🙂 

“Meditation is the only intentional, systematic human activity which at bottom is about not trying to improve yourself or get anywhere else, but simply to realize where you already are” ― Jon Kabat-Zinn

Here are some of the sources of my anxiety.

Covid test: Airlines requires a negative Covid-19 test within 72 hours of flying.  Testing centers say results will come in 3 to 7 days.  Every place I have called, from my doctor’s office to hospitals, tell me that they cannot guarantee when I will get the results back because it will depend on how busy the lab is.        

My friends tell me not to worry because they know people that have done it at CVS and they got the results in time. I don’t want uncertainty.  I want a guarantee.

Is there ever a guarantee in anything in life?  I guess the only certainty in life is death.

I finally found a place that guarantees a 24hr turn around for $200.00.  I rather pay the $200.00 and not have to worry.  But what if the test is positive?  I have been vaccinated, but it could happen. 😦

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” ― Corrie Ten Boom

Luggage:  I haven’t gone to Brazil in almost 2 years, so things to take home have piled up.  I paid more for a ticket that allows me to take 3 bags, but still is not enough.  23 kilos per suitcase is nothing if you are bringing bagels and bottles of lotions.

I have been having to remove items from my luggage to make it lighter.   I stress myself out every trip, and promise myself to travel lighter next time.  Note that I don’t bring a single item for me to wear.  Everything is for my family and friends.   Thankfully I have clothes already there.

What if my scale is not accurate and I am still over the limit?  What if I forget to bring something for someone?

“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems” ― Epictetus

Work:  Will I be able to work from there?  Will the payroll go off without a hitch?  What about the 401K submissions?  What about the client’s invoices? Will there be any emergencies?  I never stayed in Brazil this long (3 weeks).

I am doing whatever I can not to have any issues, but I know that things will happen and they will get managed.  I am not a heart or brain doctor.   No one will die if I cannot get back to them in a couple of days.

I will look less than perfect.  I will lose my status as the person that gets it all done.  Can I handle that?

“Freedom is the only worthy goal in life. It is won by disregarding things that lie beyond our control.” ― Epictetus

Dates:  I canceled a bunch of dates.  Did I just cancel a date with Prince Charming?

Cindy (https://uniquelyfitblog.com/) was not keeping up with my dating life so I decided to slow down for her.  Haha, no, just kidding!  I just didn’t see the point of adding dates to my busy schedule now.

I have been exchanging messages and texts with a few guys, but none have my full attention and interest to meet them now. They seem great but my mind is elsewhere.

If it is meant for me, it will be here when I return 😊 

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress and grow.” – ― Thomas Paine

… and so I stress, knowing that everything will turn out as it is meant to be.  And it will be perfect!