Tags
another chemistry-less date, becoming invincible, conflict and challenges, Dating, online dating, weight lifting, weight training
I finally had the date with P. He was a handsome guy, but no chemistry. He wants a second date but I don’t think there is any reason for it, even though I didn’t say no.
He missed the chance of making a good first impression but going ahead and getting his coffee and quiche before I got to the coffee shop. I got there only a few minutes after him. When I sat down he was drinking a espresso and said: ” I was hungry and ordered a quiche”. There was no question or offer to get me anything. I think that is rude and in bad taste. It tells me he is either cheap or clueless. If he is so cheap that he doesn’t want to buy me a cup of coffee on the first date I hate to think how it will be if we ever start a relationship. If he is just clueless on how to treat a lady, I don’t think I have the energy and time to retrain a 55 year old man.
There was also some difference of opinions that I think it would become more apparent if we were to embark on a relationship. I am a believer of things I cannot see (God, angels, etc). He believes in only things that can be seen and proven. There is nothing wrong with his beliefs, but I think it could cause problems in the future.
There were also additional things that I didn’t care about. I am not sure if it is just me being picky or really some things are red flags and I should be aware of them.
“[Marriage] happens as with cages: the birds without despair to get in, and those within despair of getting out.” ―
***
The issue with my tenant continues. I realize that to some people conflicts such as this would barely register but I get extremely anxious about any situation in limbo. He told me he didn’t decide yet if he is moving out or not but he also is not returning to the apartment until the people next door moves.
This being in limbo makes me nuts. Leave or stay but make a decision. I said to him not matter his decision he has to pay the rent. I got a bit annoyed at his audacity of thinking he can do whatever he wants with no regards to me. Also accusing me of not doing something about a situation that I have no control of it is offensive to me since I have done all I could, always.
I am not cut out to be a landlord.
“In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don’t try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present.” -―
***
Works keeps surprising me with new challenges. I guess it is only fitting since I remember complaining that my job held no challenges.
Now I found out that if we have a Russian customer or a customer with Russian ties they have only 14 days to pay from the date of the invoice. No one pays within 14 days in our industry. We are lucky to get paid within 30 days. Our bank flagged the payment and returned the money to the customer. We have been told that any payments from them will be flagged if we try to collect this invoice again.
It is safe to say that we are staying away from Russians now. We are also following closely the OFAC list of sanctions.
Then there are NFA’s and FinCEN’s regulations that make me require more information of new customers. The customers are not happy with me. All these regulations are making me crazy.
“Challenge and adversity are meant to help you know who you are. Storms hit your weakness, but unlock your true strength.” ―
***
On Sunday I went to the sauna and gym again with my friend. Afterwards we went to a vegan restaurant. It was okay, not really my cup of tea.
At the gym I need to be very careful not to overdo with the weights. I have very strong legs and I like to do very heavy weights, but I realize I am just beginning and I also have hip and back issues.
The feeling of doing something healthy for my body is great. This feeling of power travels to all areas of my life.
Stay tune for Miss Invincible! She is returning!
“Who then is invincible? The one who cannot be upset by anything outside their reasoned choice.” – ―
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
Listen to your instincts. He sounds very selfish and self-centered. You are better off without him.
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He certainly acted like that! :-)And the search continues…
Thank you and blessings! 🙂
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You’re welcome and some to you.
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I have followed your blog for a long time, but I’ve never commented until now.
In your description of your date, honestly it comes across as if any little thing would be a red flag, and thus completely disqualifying. Maybe that was not your intent, and it was just worded in an unfortunate way, but as a guy I’d see getting coffee and a quiche as a nothing, not a disqualifying event. Since I’m not generally viewed as inconsiderate by others, I wonder if your date was as inconsiderate as you suggest.
I tried to look at it from the other side. If it were me, and I was assessing a date, would those small things matter?
Of course, they would in the end. Many small things become, in total, a big thing.
Along the way, though, I find that when little things bug me, it is just best to let them go, and try instead to find the bigger picture in the potential relationship. This is especially true as I get older, and so the people I meet are also older. We all have personalities. As we get older, they get more definitive.
Of course, your comments on the little things may be from the perspective of having made a “big things” conclusion already. If so, my response here is wrong. They are just ways of explaining your overall impression. Fair enough.
On the other hand, if those little things really end up being disqualifying, I wonder whether that is the best approach. It could end up being “the perfect is the enemy of the good”.
Hope this input is constructive. I don’t mean to be critical. I’m just observing.
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Hi Jay
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
Often when I write I have the feeling that I am not expressing myself correctly or that the post is getting too long, so I try to be concise – often failing to deliver the right message.
Those details do seem small but to me they are a sign of things to come. If on the first meeting the person is not going to be on his best behavior and be considerate I doubt things will change later. To me, waiting for me to order, when he knew I was going to be there any second would be considerate. But I was willing to ignore that. But then I just sat there and watched as he drank his espresso and he waited for his quiche. not a word asking if I wanted coffee or anything. Finally after 30 minutes I got up and said I was going to get coffee.
Perhaps I have been spoiled with the men I have met before. For the most part they went out of their way to be nice. Perhaps I expect too much. But at this point in my life I owe to myself to choose who I want next to me. I want a man that will buy me coffee or at least offer to.
I do think, however, that I am quick to disqualify people. Perhaps I am way too comfortable alone. Perhaps I fear getting hurt again . Who knows why? So I often try to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. And on that note I wrote and asked him about it. I will be posting his answer in a little while.
I look at the whole package and normally believe things balance itself out. I don’t care about looks or money, but I care immensely on how a man makes me feel. In this case I saw too many little things, besides this, that would start to irk me in the long run.
Perfection is indeed a bad word, unattainable and nonexistent, but I persist in believing that there is one person out there that will come in and everything will make sense, or at least make the senseless enjoyable.
Again thank you for giving me your opinion. It is always appreciated and it always teach me something.
Many blessings to you! 🙂
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Agree about Mr. Cheapo. They only get worse.
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Hi Paula, I suspect you are right! 🙂 Blessings ! 🙂
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Sorry about the date, sounds like a loser, plenty more fish in the sea though my dear! Steady as she goes at the gym Miss Invincible!
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Indeed, indeed. There is always another one.
Slow and steady, hard body here I come! 🙂
Sending blessings to you!
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Lovely update! You’re right, the date was filled with red flags!! I’m sure I’ve said this before so it’s probably rather dull, but for me each and every time without fail, it was the red flags that I chose to ignore in the beginning of the relationship that were in the end the reason for the demise of the relationship. Without fail. So, nah … he sounds socially inept (or unable to control his lust for quiche for a few minutes until you’d arrived!). Either way …. nah!! Katie x
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Hi Katie
I think you are right, now that I think about it. The little things that gave me pause and I chose to ignore are the little things that eventually became too enormous to ignore.
I actually asked him about it and will be posting his reply shortly… it didn’t make things better 😦
Many blessings! 🙂
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Looking forward to hearing more!! I just loved dating …. so much fun!
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I agree. No matter what I manage to have fun 🙂
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😀☀️❤️
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Did not sound exciting at all, your date. Understandable you don’t want to meet him again. Follow your gut instinct. Bless you Ute x
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Hi Ute,
yeah my gut said no 🙂
Blessings in return to you!
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