Tags
be here now, be nice to yourself, close the door to past hurts, focus on the future, focus on the present, forget the past and move on, letting go of the past, live the now, put yourself first
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.” – Henry David Thoreau
I was watching a Roland Garros tennis match on TV the other day. A player was easily winning when he missed an easy shot. His game then totally fell apart and he went on to lose the match.
I remember when I was learning to play tennis the instructor said to me right after I had missed a shot: “Forget that ball and move on.”
He used to say that trying to figure out what I did wrong on that last play or to keep admonishing myself about a mistake would just cause me to lose focus and lose the next point.
I think that it was what happened to that player. That mistake stayed in his mind and it prevented him from concentrating on the next point.
I am applying that thinking to my relationships. Sometimes I keep trying to dissect a failed relationship to see where I went wrong. Or I keep thinking about the person that is gone in the hope that he will return.
“Be here now.” – Ram Dass
I should let go of the last relationship and focus on the current one, or in the search of the next one.
Concentrating on something in the past that I have no control over only keeps me from being 100% present in the here and now.
I realize that even though I am trying to be in the moment, I keep leaving the door open for the past to be flooding back.
“The past can’t hurt you anymore, not unless you let it.” – Alan Moore
I always thought it was cold or mean to close the door on people. I keep hoping that I can be friends with everyone. But if they have already hurt, disrespected, mistreated me in some way in the past why give them a chance to do it again?
I keep writing about guys from the past contacting me over and over again. Just last week Peter, remember, the guy I went to the Opera with. You can just go to my Home page and search for Peter and you can see all the posts about him. He texted me saying hello. I replied. We exchanged a few texts. Then a few days later he called me twice, but didn’t leave any message when I didn’t answer. Wisely I didn’t call back, but I was tempted.
Why did I bother replying to that text? What is the point? I didn’t want to ignore him, or anyone for that matter.
“No man is rich enough to buy back his past.” – Oscar Wilde
I want to be nice and kind to all. I want to treat all as I want to be treated. If I send someone a message I hope to get a reply. I want to believe in forgiveness and redemption.
But perhaps there is something else at play. Perhaps besides my need to be nice, I also entertain “hope”. The hope that this person has returned changed. He now sees what he is missing and will act accordingly.
As they say: You don’t know what you’ve got until it is gone. They are back because they miss me or so I tell myself.
“If it’s over, then don’t let the past screw up the rest of your life.” – Nicholas Sparks
But it torments me. I started thinking about him again. I start thinking what if.
It never works out that way. Whatever they were guilty of before they will do it again. I did not call Peter back and I will not reply if he reaches out again. He and anybody else from the past.
It will be really hard to ignore a text, call or email, but I feel I need to do it. I need to choose me and my sanity. I need to be free and clear of all the men from the past. I will shut the door on all those past relationships once and for all.
I am tired of leaving the door open for the past to sneak in and wreak havoc again.
“When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.” – Friedrich Nietzsch
jacquelineobyikocha said:
Most times the past is best left alone and this includes relationships.
LikeLiked by 2 people
A Star on the Forehead said:
Indeed, Indeed!
Thank you for reading and have a blessed week! 🙂
LikeLike
dante2730dp said:
I understand your need to forget the past and it is a good idea that you do. However, a lot of times I see is that we fail to look at ourselves in the mirror and give an honest and sober assessment of ourselves. Example. A friend of mine told me that he could be with a woman and not think about her in any sexual way. Of course, about several relationships later he finally admits that he has a problem with staying faithful. Now had he had first admitted this in the first place, then he could’ve save himself and others the pain and turmoil he went through from being a cheater. If you are honest with yourself, then you will make the necessary changes needed to have a better chance at love.
LikeLiked by 2 people
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Dante
Very good point!
There is a reason we attract the same kind of people and that patterns keep repeating. Until we fix what is at the core we cannot move on.
Believe me, I over-analyze situations and people, including myself. I give them the benefit of the doubt, I forgive and I forget. I try again and again.
It is insanity really. So I am in a quest to do things differently and to close the door on what is not healthy and positive in my life.
As far as my role in this whole thing, it is a big one. My ego, past hurts, need to lo control, etc, all play a huge role in why my relationships don’t work. I am working on those things and more.
Still I believe the right person will stick around no matter how much I try to sabotage it.
Of course the ones that want to stay around I don’t want.
Thank you for your great insight! Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
LikeLike
utesmile said:
It is right what you do, move on. I can say that before I met my dream man I am with now, I had a relationship with one from a website for a year roughly, then we broke up, I wasn’t too heartbroken, it wasn’t love. He then tried again and we met again and it felt like a new man , great date, but in the end he hadn’t changed and it did not work out. He did miss me as it seems as he tried again to contact me inviting me. I did then tell him that I am in a happy relationship. He wished me good luck and that was the end of it. Sorted. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Ute
I am so happy that you have someone special that treats you as you deserve to be treated.
Like you I have open my arms to someone from the past that looked to be changed but in the end nothing had changed.
I felt used and my time wasted. It is not worth the effort, heart and energy put into it.
So I am making a conscious effort to change.
Wishing you both many blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
paws2smile said:
Ugh I am the same way so I totally get what you are saying!
LikeLiked by 2 people
A Star on the Forehead said:
I guess we both need to learn to keep the good memories and good people and move on.
Thank you for stopping by. Sending you blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
paws2smile said:
Yeah haha. You’re welcome! Sending positive vibes your way! 🙂
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you! 🤗🌻
LikeLiked by 1 person
ksbeth said:
i live this myself
LikeLiked by 2 people
A Star on the Forehead said:
It was affecting my attempts at new relationships, so I decided I need to change. We shall see if I will be able to keep that door closed.
Wishing you the best in leaving the past in the past… if that is what you wish.
Many blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Roxie said:
I love your quotes, they put things in perspective. It’s so hard to look forward as the past pokes our emotions. Seems like you are well on your way! This post is great encouragement to all!
LikeLiked by 2 people
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Roxie
Thank you so much for stopping by and enjoying this post.
I am going to try but I know it will be a bumpy road.
Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Roxie said:
Thank you, and you’re right, always pot holes trying to slow us.
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
We just keep getting smarter at seeing and jumping over them 🤗🌻
LikeLike
Roxie said:
Oh I like that! Yes!!!
LikeLike
Ann Schwartz said:
Thank you for sharing! There are a few from my past to whom I still feel “civil”. Even so, there is one that got a reply from me, “I forgive you and hope that you forgive me, but we don’t have anything more to say to each other.” To another I said, “Let’s call the whole thing off.”, in my best song-quoting style. He replied, “Message received and understood.” Life is too short for some of these struggles. Forget those “balls”. lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you for reading and commenting on it!
I am really good friends with some people from my past.
I am closing the door on the ones that sweep in with great words, cause damage, then leave. Only to try to return and do it all over again.
Life in indeed too short to remain in that roller-coaster.
I love your replies and please let me borrow them.
Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
LikeLike
Colline said:
Sometimes a relationship doesn’t work, not because of you, but because of the other person. Don’t give up. If you are open you will meet a person who does good by you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Colline
Sometimes it is hard not knowing the reason why something didn’t work. I. That case I need to accept and move on.
I am never giving up. There is someone amazing out there for me I just need to find him or be patient and wait for him to find me.
Thank you and many blessings to you! 🤗🌻
LikeLiked by 1 person
Himanshi said:
I wonder, sometimes words become our best mates.
You expressed it all so beautifully.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Beautifully put! Indeed they are!
Many blessings to you! 🤗 🌻
LikeLike
moose said:
Its hard to move on from the past but it needs to stay there for a reason. If someone is destined to be a part of our lives they are in the present not the part. Sadly our hearts are stupid and ignore our heads.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kerri Elizabeth said:
Perfectly expressed, beautiful written!
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much!! 🤗🌻
LikeLike
calmkate said:
read these words when you get tempted to respond or wallow … this is smart clear thinking! People don’t change and we need to learn and move on … thanks for the follow!
LikeLiked by 1 person
aguycalledbloke said:
Good evening – l have tagged you for my 321 Quote Me game 🙂
https://aguycalledbloke.blog/2018/06/06/321-quote-me/
Rory
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much! I am working on the post now. Blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kelly MacKay said:
Great quotes. remember sometimes the scenarios you create are far off from what is reality. Stay in the present and look at what unfolds.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Kelly
I am trying to “be here now”. Very often I am elsewhere.
It is a constant struggle to be in the moment and have no expectations.
Thank you and wishing you many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
Paula Light said:
This is part of the reason I gave up on dating sites (there are several reasons). It’s so confusing how to deal with people. Some men say just don’t respond when rejecting them–say nothing and they will know. Don’t give a reason because they don’t want to hear it. Okay. But other men say that is horribly rude and awful. If you don’t reply, they tell you that you’re a terrible person. Why can’t you just be a polite human and say something? This IS my inclination (or was), to say something nice, not critical, and move on. BUT. There is a type of guy who will take that “nice, not critical” rejection and use it against you to start an avalanche of crap messages to attack. Ugh. Like you, I spent way too much time analyzing all this stuff and wallowing in how this or that conversation could have gone better. Now, I just talk to the cat. It works out well. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Paula
I totally understand all you have mentioned. I have had the same exact reactions. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
It does leave us at a loss of how to act and react. As you will notice if you read my latest post not everyone receives honesty well, let alone rejection.
I try to treat others as I want to be treated – with kindness.
I don’t have a cat. I think if I did, I would probably find it a more rewarding relationship and never date again lol
Thank you for sharing your experience and wishing you many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
kindredspirit23 said:
I it so enlightening and good to watch a person, especially a beautiful woman, mature and grow, learn and integrate. You have become such a different person than you were years ago when I first began following your blog. We have become friends, perhaps more than just casual friends, but still, your life is growing. I worry less and less about you being treated badly. You are taking steps to change that.
Scott
LikeLiked by 2 people
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Scott
Thank you noticing the little bit I have grown in the past few years. You are part of it.
I know I have a long way to go…I guess that is the idea – while we have life we continue to grow, to learn, to teach, to help, etc.
I so appreciate your friendship and it warms my heart that you care. I assure you I am very careful in my dealings with online dating.
I have been thinking about a road trip with my sister. If that happens we will be stopping in Indiana and taking you out for coffee.
Thank you always and blessings! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
kindredspirit23 said:
That would be lovely.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
🤗
LikeLiked by 2 people
alractchyahoocom said:
Good for you! Stay strong! I relate completely, 100%!
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Thank you so much! I will keep going getting stronger and stronger.
Many blessings to you! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
lillyevechristie said:
Don’t look back, you’re not going that way xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Love that!! Great, simple to the point advice!! Thank you! Blessings!! 🤗
LikeLike
Jacqui Murray said:
You are getting to the right answer much faster than I did. It took me a long time to accept who I am, not let others shape that, and be proud of it. Good luck!
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Jacqui
Thank you so much for the great comment and good wishes!
No matter how long it takes, what matters is that you have arrived at the realization of how important you are. We need to live our lives as we see fit. We need to own up to it and celebrate us, as they say: everyone else is taken.
Many blessings to you! 🙂
LikeLike
Vaishali Singh said:
Past should be left in the oast.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Yes indeed!!! Blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
Vaishali Singh said:
Past#
LikeLiked by 1 person
Timeless Classics -- Poetry by Ana Daksina said:
You go, gurl. Healthy boundaries are necessary and, in the end, very loving things to set and to maintain.
LikeLiked by 1 person
A Star on the Forehead said:
Hi Ana
Thank you so much!
Letting go completely of the past has been easier said than done, but slowly I am getting there and realizing that that is the only way to move forward.
Wishing you many blessings! 🙂
LikeLike
Timeless Classics -- Poetry by Ana Daksina said:
That’s two of us — and, backatcha!
LikeLike
A Star on the Forehead said:
🤗😘
LikeLike