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“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” – Marcel Proust

I don’t get tired of saying that I love going away but I love returning home even more.  I like my bed and my routine.  But going away is necessary.  To renew, to refresh or perhaps just to appreciate more what we leave behind.

I spent one week in Brazil visiting family.  I had visions of while there having plenty of time to exercise, to work on my blog, etc.

I didn’t have a free second.  I was always with my Mom or my Dad or both.  I don’t know how long I will have them around so I want to make sure I don’t waste my time on the computer instead of spending time with them.

I am happy to say that Mom’s depression medication is working so she felt good enough to travel here and stay a couple of weeks, as she normally does a couple of times a year.

I am sorry for the short disappearance, specially after mentioning corresponding with a couple of Craigslist’s strangers.  I know that crazy leaps can be made.

***

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.” – Paulo Coelho

I am still emailing with S.  Joe, the other one, hasn’t emailed in over one week.  I am okay with that.  No big loss for either one of us.  This is just fun and entertainment.

S. and I have been getting closer and closer.  We have been emailing back and forth, sometimes several times a day since the end of July.  I harbor no illusions of anything.  It would be silly of me to think that there is anything here.  At the same time it has been fun.  He seems intelligent and caring, two things I really appreciate in people.

For all I know I could be talking to a catfish.  He could be a 60 yr old grandmother, or a 15 yr old high school kid.  I just don’t know. That is why I proceed with caution; and the occasional moment of caution thrown to the wind, in the form of conversations a little more spicy.

It has been amazing fun corresponding with him.  We write each other poems.  Perhaps I will reprint some here.  I am not talking about corny I love you poems.  I am talking about the same regular email we would write each other, about the day’s events, about our wants, about anything, but in poem form.  He started it and then I try to follow suit looking for words that rhyme.

It is amazing how our emails turn out when we are looking to make rhymes. It is really fun and it twists my brain sometimes.  It helps wake up my brain and use different words.

I still only know that his name starts with S., and it means some kind of warrior prince.  I know he is 41, and a technologist.  Probably a consultant as he doesn’t seem to have a set work schedule.

He knows a little more about me.  He knows my name starts with A, that I am a twin and that I am from Brazil.

Will I ever meet him? I don’t know, but it seems to be leaning towards that.  For the first time in my life I am in no hurry.  There is not a sense of urgency for me to meet him. It will probably happen for not any time soon.

For now I am enjoying this, whatever this is.

***

“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.” – Mahatma Gandhi

While in Brazil I went to a Reiki session.  Actually I went to 2 different ones with 2 different women.  Reiki is a healing technique that believe that someone can use their energy and touch of their hands to help in the healing of physical and other ailments.  It works with unblocking our Chakras, prayers and the warm touch of hands.

It is much more than that. I am not the best person to describe here what any of this is, but both Reiki and Chakras are very interesting concepts that I want to learn more about.  Perhaps as I learn I will summarize here the ideas.

I believe in anything that is used for good.  I believe in the power of the unknown and the unseen.  I believe in energy, light and the Universe.

One of the women mentioned I need to take time for myself and to do the things I love and make me happy.  I agree with that.  I need to take care of myself and put myself first.  This year, specially, has been all about others, family, friends and work.

I thought it was interesting that both women mentioned I have a deep sadness, a past sorrow that I need to address and work on.  I didn’t think I have any sorrow, but I can’t help thinking if the break up is not still lurking around specially since the Ex made an appearance in the last couple of months.   They recommended working on this by praying for help, comfort and guidance.

Ex came to collect a last item for the car and spoke to my sister.  I made sure not to be around when he came. He implied that she didn’t know the whole story.  I was furious with him and his implications.  There is nothing else to the story.  He cheated.  He has issues.  It is a case of blaming the victim.  I take full accountability for my fault in it.  But after 5 years I can’t see where I failed.  He is a master manipulator and twister of the truth.  I wonder what he thinks the truth is.  The deal with psychopaths is that they believe their own lies.

I always pray, well it is more like short gratitude conversations thanking God for all I have.  When I ask for something I ask for guidance and strength. He knows what I need and deserve to be a better person, to fulfill my purpose in life.

I need to take more time for silence, for God, for me, to feed my soul.  I have been feeling I am lacking the spiritual side.  I am lacking that replenishing of energy that we all need.  The day to day take so much of us.  We become robots, doing things out of routine and just sheer want, not even stopping to see if what we want is good for us.  I want to be more aware and in being more aware, be freer.

“If, then, I were asked for the most important advice I could give, that which I considered to be the most useful to the men of our century, I should simply say: in the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you.” – Leo Tolstoy

 

 

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