Tags
an insecure person wants to hurt others, bad friendships, cannot take a no for an answer, friendships and friends, getting rid of bad energy, not a real friend
When you think you have a new friend they show their true colors. I was happy that I had finally gotten a dance partner. I had a couple of dates with him, then I felt he was playing games and decided that I was not interested in him romantically. I wrote about him in the past. Still we decided to became friends and dance partners.
Now I realized that he was never okay with my not wanting to date him. Last Wednesday after dance class I had agreed to go to dinner with him. He always wants to go to dinner after class but I often decline. This time I said yes.
At dinner he was curious to find out about my second date with this one guy I had mentioned to him. Since we had become friends I thought it was okay to share dating stories with him. I told him about the date and why there were probably not going to be a third date in the future. He took that opportunity to tell that I am too hard on people. That I don’t give men a chance.
From there he proceeded to say what a rude person I was. He said that he couldnt wait for the classes to be over because I had been rude from day 1. I was shocked! For a minute I searched my brain for an instance that I could have been rude to him, and I just couldnt find.
I was so shocked with and how he was telling me that tears started running down my face. He was being so rude and harsh, I should have gotten up and walked away, instead I sat down and cried.
I asked him to tell me of a time where I had been rude and after he searched his brain for awhile he said that I would keep pushing his arm up. I used to do that to remind him to keep his posture and he never had any problem with that.
From the first dance lesson he has been always apologetic for not keeping up and I always go out of my way to tell him that there is no problem. That I enjoy going and getting reminded of the dance steps. I always trying to compliment him and say he is getting better and not to show any disappointment.
For a few minutes I thought to myself: is it possible that I have been this rude and never realized
After a sleepless night I realized that I can be too honest and upfront but I have never been rude to him. If anything I have been extra nice to him.
I wasted my money on lessons where I learned nothing because it was all focused on him learning to get to my level.
I have bought him 4 books to help him deal with his daughter and life. I have spent hours after class talking to him, letting him vent and providing advice. I have been nothing but supportive. All of a sudden for him to attack me was not only shocking it was uncalled for. He was the rude one for making me cry and not even apologizing.
After he said what he said he also said that he wants to take the last lesson (we have one left). I said you can go ahead and take it alone. If I have been so awful why endure one more lesson.
I told the dance instructor about it. And the first thing she asked was if he was not interested in me. She also said that perhaps he will call and apologize, which an apology this late in the game is meaningless to me.
I think that he was interested in lessons because he wanted to date me, and since I havent changed my mind and will not change my mind he lashed out on me, on behalf of every guy I turned down before, I guess.
I accept criticism and the truth but in this case there is no truth to it.
I was hurt for a couple of days, but now I am over it. I will not accept someone disrespecting me and talking to me in such a way. I deserve better and in my life there is no room for poor treatment.
I am just disappointed that I thought of him as a friend. And he was just a snake in the grass. But I am happy that I got to find his true colors now.
Friends may fight, disagree and not see eye to eye, but friends to not go out of their way to hurt you, belittle you, and make you feel insignificant. That is not a friend, that is an insecure person that to feel good about themselves they need to put another person down. Run.
The man is showing bitterness that you won’t date him and looking for excuses to pass it off as something else. He’s a fool and you’re better off without him.
xxx Huge Hugs xxx
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Hi David, Well said! He missed out on a potentially great friendship! I hope you are well, hugs and blessings back to you! 🙂
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How awful. I bet he just couldn’t accept that you didn’t want to date him. Rightly so you didn’t. Men….. to cheer you up, I just got a text from someone I date more than 3 years ago asking if he could take me out for dinner. Well he dumped me 3 times then….. fat chance.. 🙂 (I am so happy with my partner now, no way I would date someone again)
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Hi Ute, I really think that that is what happened. I am so glad I decided not to date him, this is not the type of men I want in my life. oh wow, he missed out on a great person and be glad he dumped you back then so you were free to meet Mr. Right for you. How wonderful must have felt to text back: No, thank you! I am so happy you found someone that values and cherishes you. Many blessings to you both! 🙂
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You are right, it was rather satisfying to text back no , I am very happy. You are so right, it feels great to be valued and loved for who I am.
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🙂
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I think you are correct. The biggest problem is that people cannot simply accept a decision that is made and communicated. He was wrong to attack you like that. It comes from fear, all attacks do. So, don’t worry, but be your own sweet self, but a little armored as you now know people can be that way.
Scott
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Hi Scott, I totally agree, some people ignore what they hear and instead they try to manipulate the situation. I am not sure his attack towards me was motivated by fear. Fear of what? I think it was more of feeling rejected and wanting the upper hand and wanting to make me feel bad.
This has certainly been a lesson and wake up call not to easily think of everyone as friends. Being a bit guarded it is not a bad thing.
AS always I value your comment and I wish a blessed weekend! 🙂
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Oh, Dear, always be a bit guarded. It is for your own safety. As for the fear, I think fear like that is very deep down and often difficult to see. It could have been simply a fear that someone did not think him “enough” in his mind. It would take a shrink to get to the bottom of some situations. Me? I just, basically, believe in two primary feelings: Love and Fear – fear being the absence of love. If you track it back far enough, I do believe it all comes down to those two…and since fear is the absence of love – love is really all there is. “Conversations with God – Book 1”
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Hi Scott, Great comment! It would indeed take a shrink and a really good one to know everything that is going on in my mind lol I have never been to one as I fear that it will do more harm than good…like putting more questions in my mind instead of answering some.
I have that book but for some reason I have never finished it, I need to revisit that one and many others.
A lot things seem to be done indeed out of fear or love, but I do believe there are a few other things at play. Wishing you a blessed week! 🙂
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That’s just WRONG! If something like That-should Ever Happen to you again, in any context, with any”friend or even with any family member” ; just get-up & take your leave! Game Over; They Lose…then kick-em to the curb so hard that they don’t bounce-back! There’s a special name for these type of bottom-feeders: TOXIC.
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You are right! I am still kicking myself for not getting up and leaving him there. I think I was so shocked and hoping that he would just say “I am kidding”. I don’t think my legs would have been able to function. Since he said that he couldn’t wait for the classes to be over so that he didn’t have to take any more rudeness from me why invite me to dinner? Toxic is indeed the right word for people like him. Thank you for your comment and many blessings! 🙂
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It sounds like you have done a lot for this guy but he wanted more than you had promised. Perhaps finally he was having to accept that when you said friendship you meant friendship
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For sure! I think he thought I was just playing hard to get when I said I was no longer interested in him romantically. The truth hurts and he wanted to hurt me back. Thank you for your comment and many blessings! 🙂
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I am so sorry to read of this dreadful upset.
Regrettably there are people out there who only know one way to take out their own littleness and frustrations and that is by being plain rude and offensive.
You are well rid of him.
Best wishes
Roger
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Hi Roger
I couldn’t have said it better! His life is currently a mess from his own doing, and I am indeed better off not to have that energy in my life.
Thank you and wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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That is his problem.
I am glad you are free of it.
Take care, and all the best
Roger
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Thank you Roger!! All the best to you as well! 🙂
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So sorry I’m taking so long to read through your posts as I’m addicted to reading another episode!
Hmmmm…for some reason this reminds me of my last ex where our first date was a dance lesson. Way too close, awkward and uncoordinated. With massive holes in his socks. Sounds like this guy must have holes in his memory that he has plugged in with projected experiences with past women. Many have opposite gender issues. Sounds like his issue wasn’t with you but with whomever hurt him in the past. And yes, I am guilty of doing this to my punching bag, er, partner and have been called out on it.
Buddhism says those who truly love themselves will not be able to hurt you. It sounds like he was someone in need of a rescue which only creates the drama triangle of being a bully if one doesn’t get what they want.
You definitely deserve someone who as Marilyn Monroe says: if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. So what if you were perceived to be rude or direct or whatever offense he wishes to perceive, it doesn’t give him the right to spew it back to hurt you. Note: the difference between a man and a man-boy, how he handles being criticized. Either he lashes out in self defense or he is mature and self aware enough to see how he can improve. Mind you, my partner usually has the first response than the second with an apology, which is refreshing. We all have areas we can improve, but the one who truly loves you will love you like you are perfect anyways. Our flaws make us beautiful. 🙂
Besides, one should be so lucky to dance with you! Humpff!!!
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