Tags
1987 Mercedes Convertible, better single or better together, blessed to have options, dating takes a back seat, finality of life, Mom's health, Mulberry Honda HRV, no time for losers, online dating, ready for the right one
“Eventually all things fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moments, and know EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.” – Albert Schweitzer
CAR
A decision has been made and I am now driving a Honda HRV (the CRV’s little brother). I have chosen to lease it and the color I picked is Mulberry. Mulberry is the color of eggplant and depending on how the light hits it it appears black. Psychologically I like owning things, paying for something and then returning it feels like a waste of money, but I decided to step out of my comfort zone and go for it. I was attracted by the low monthly payments ($160.00) and the fact that I will not have to spend money with maintenance.
I was able to find a parking space for my other car. It is at a municipal lot a few blocks from my home. It was just sheer luck to get it and I am so happy things have fallen in place.
So far I am very happy with the new car. It is very different from driving a 30 year old Mercedes. I will eventually sell the Mercedes as having 2 cars is just silly and an unnecessary expense. Paying for insurance, parking space and maintenance adds up. I don’t know how much it is worth so I don’t know how much to ask, until then I am keeping it.
Feeling blessed, telling myself not to take things for granted. Being grateful and realizing that hard work pays off. Hard works gives us options and possibilities.
MOM
After another trip to Brazil Mom has returned with me to stay 1 month. It is crazy and sad to see how age has finally caught up with her. She just turned 82 on May 1st and even though she looks amazing and much younger than that, the truth is the 82 is a big number. She has many issues: Lower back pain, diabetes, hypothyroidism, high blood pressure, heart disease, but was doing very well until a couple of years ago when she had a mild night time stroke. Since then she has never been 100%.
It is hard for me to see her weak and frail. The passage of time is merciless. It is a reminder of life’s finite quality and the value of time. Could my mother’s health be better now if she had paid more attention to her diet and lifestyle? Am I doing all I can to have a good aging process? The answer to that last question is a resounding no.
I go out of my way for my family. At this moment I am taking my mom to a traditional Chinese doctor and paying an arm and a leg for a Chinese tea that is supposed to improve her health. No worries I am not that gullible but I do believe in western medicine. Also I know 3 people that have gone to this doctor and all have had great results. If there is a chance of any improvement to my mother’s situation I am willing to try.
I believe in the power of faith. Mom and I believe that this tea (combined with acupuncture and cupping) will help. She is still taking all the medication prescribed by the regular doctors, she is eating better, and making sure she is not overdoing physically (she tends to be stubborn like me and think that she can do it all).
I feel powerless and keep reminding myself that I am not in control of anything. I can only do my best, the rest is up to God.
Knowing that time is limited makes each second more valuable. Wasting time is no longer an option.
DATING
I am still online but any time my mother is here I spend most of my free time with her instead of meeting new people.
I am getting to the conclusion that it is becoming harder for me to find The One for me. Not because of them, but because of me. I have established a pretty nice, comfortable life and I am not about to let anyone in without making sure that they will be an addition to it.
How can I be sure of anything without taking a leap of faith? I thought that I really wanted someone and that I was willing to be vulnerable and put myself out there. Now I am not so sure. I put myself out there physically but emotionally I am probably more guarded than ever. Time to re-think and re-evaluate.
Being vulnerable, being able to trust, willing to risk being hurt are all some of the price for the chance of experiencing love. There is no
Blessed with a Star on the Forehead 
My sister is the same. She gets lonesome sometimes. I’ve never been alone and sometimes I envy her that she doesn’t have someone telling her no, or snoring in the bed beside her. I like my quiet time when he’s at work. But, the companionship is nice.
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I guess it is human nature to want what we don’t have. I see families and kids and wish I had them but I am aware of how blessed I am and I try to be grateful.
I am not willing to be with just anyone not to be alone, but it would be nice to have companionship.
Still I believe that I will meet someone one of these days and all will fall into place. Until then I keep hoping and trying. Thank you and wishing you a blessed weekend! 🙂
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You too! And, yes sometimes the wait is worth it.
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You know a 30 year old Merc, is an antique, and you might get more than you think if it is well looked after and a collectors item. I can see it with my mum, nearly 91 and I keep thinking of doing all the right things for me now to get that old without too many pains.
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Hi Ute, 91! Wow! What a blessing to still have her!!! Indeed what we do today will show tomorrow. Have a blessed week! 🙂
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Family is important and you must make the most of the time with your Mom while you can.
Regarding relationships I was single for a long time before I met the guy I’m kinda blogging about. For most of that time I was happy and I just felt like maybe I should want the husband and kids rather than actually wanting them. In spite of the disastrous ending I’m glad I took that risk and put myself out there. I the whole experience has changed me and I will continue to change. What I’m trying to say is that when you are ready for a relationship I think that you will find yourself willing to open up emotionally so enjoy being who you are.
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It always better to take the risk and experience life, love and even hurt than to watch life pass us by. I am way too comfortable at the moment but I will never give up on the idea of looking for my soulmate. As you said when I am ready it will happen, until then I will just blog about it. Thank you and many blessings to you! 🙂
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Sorry to hear about your mother. Mine is, within a year, the same age. She is showing the age, but still good and wonderful and I love having her around. Dad’s passing last July has taken its toll on her as has my sister’s round with cancer (she just got home Thursday). Hopefully, things will settle a bit and we can enjoy Mom’s company for many years yet.
Dating. I have all but given up on dating. Though I do have problems finding someone to date, a lot of that is my own limits on who I am willing to go out with. I do have a scheduled date in the next few weeks with a high school person I wish I had dated back then, though she was (looking back) a bit too young for me to ask out.
I have all but given up online dating for now. Just not worth the trouble, I guess – no, I know it really isn’t. Too many fakes and liars to sort through. I am pretty much realizing I should and will be by myself as I grow older. I enjoy life, have fun, and do what I want to do. I am not sure anyone could be much of an addition to that. So, I will just work on being pleased with what I have and can get. This could change, but I will see it as what it is for now.
Wish you luck and sending you prayers. Love your Mom(I know you do) and don’t sweat the small stuff (and it is all small stuff). Learn to manifest. Read the books. It is absolutely worth it. I can help you find some good ones, but “THANK and Grow Rich” by Pam Grout is really up there.
Loving Affection,
Scott
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I don’t see anything wrong with appreciating your comfortable life and guarding yourself against those who may infringe upon that. Married people with children get lonely too, in a different way. The grass is always greener…
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Hi Gail, Indeed we tend to crave what we don’t have. I am trying to be aware of that and not fall into that trap. I am trying to be extra grateful for what I have and enjoy it to the fullest! I have seen plenty of people in miserable relationships to know that all is not always what it seems. Thank you and many blessings! 🙂
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Really great insight!!!! I hear people say all the time, “I want to meet somebody” but they really, deep down in their hearts, do not. Maybe because their life is great the way it is!! Maybe because relationships are work, and they don’t have the energy. Maybe because the idea of compromise – the constant compromise that a relationship requires – just rubs them the wrong way. Whatever it is, these feelings can come and go. Where you are today is not necessarily where you will be tomorrow. But for now – sounds like you are ready to take a break. Society tells us to be coupled – and it’s hard to resist that message, but it’s not right for everybody all the time. So GO YOU!!
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Hi Clara, Indeed everything around us tells us that something is wrong if we are alone. Just yesterday someone commented to me about someone we both know living alone how sad it was, then she realized I am alone and tried to backpedal. I don’t take offense but realize how everything is about perception and appearance and what society expects.
I have been telling myself that everything can change in a minute, for better or worse, so I will continue to focus on the now, always dreaming about a better tomorrow.
As you have mentioned there could be a host of reasons why a relationship is eluding me at the moment, I will just tell myself it is just not the right time. When the time is right it will happen.
Thank you for the great words and have a blessed week! 🙂
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My heart goes out to you as my mom has aged much too and I haven’t been back to visit in three years and dread it a bit as her photos seem to have aged her too.
Love is tough! And being happy with yourself is the best love you can find. Meeting someone who enhances it means sharing it together, and you just never know who is out there who is an awesome match for you. What I realize now is that time in between can be much shorter than expected, and definitely to be savoured. Relationships transform us and you’re amazing as you go through transformations of your own. Two butterflies versus one caterpillar. 🙂 you are a beautiful butterfly
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