“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” ― Paulo Coelho

I have just returned from the third date with the guy I have mentioned on the previous post.

The date went great or so I thought.  We went to an Italian restaurant around the corner from my home.  This time he surprised me with chocolate covered strawberries from Godiva. He brought me flowers on dates 1 and 2 but because I am flying to Brazil tomorrow he realized flowers weren’t a good idea this time.  (He owns a flower shop)

We joked, laughed and flirted. There was no shortage of conversation during the dinner.  Then he drove me home, which was just 2 blocks away.  He parked at my door and somehow the conversation gets to the point when he says he wishes he could come into my apartment and give me a proper kiss and not kiss me in the car. My response:  oh well, that is not going to happen.  I explained yet again that I am not going to fall in bed with the first guy that I have sparks with and the first guy that buys me dinner.

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” 
― Alexander Pope

(I am not thinking that every guy that walks into my apartment is interested in sex or that sex is a given.  I have had potential dates in my apartment before.  But in this case I know exactly what this person wants and I know that I would have to spend the entire evening saying no.  Plus I don’t really feel I know him enough to invite him in)

Of course he goes into that speech that I know too well: “nothing is going to happen that you don’t want to happen, I will leave anytime you want, etc, etc”  I remained firm.

He said something to the fact that he wasn’t doing anything right.  I told him how surprised I was that he would not realize that just the fact of getting a third date is a huge sign that things were going well. 

“Self-control is the chief element in self-respect, and self-respect is the chief element in courage.” ― Thucydides

We got out of the car and he walked me to my door and kissed good night.  As I walked towards the elevator I knew things wouldn’t progress with him.

Five minutes after I am inside my apartment he texts me and I quote: “I feel like the guy with the 5 dates and no kiss.  Maybe we should end it at 3.  Always had the best time! Thanks!”

(I had mentioned to him that awhile back I had met someone that was great and I kept going on dates trying to give chemistry a chance but it never worked, so  that is why now if there is not a hint of chemistry on the first date, I never go on a second)

My honest reaction to his text?  First and foremost relief! I was not sure about him, first for the fact of the little age discrepancy.  Second I was starting to feel pressured about going beyond kissing.  Third,  I was offended that he would use something I told him against me. Last, but not least, he could have said how he felt face to face and not in text.

I texted back: “Shocked!  But I respect how you feel”

He replied:”You don’t know how I feel so don’t respect it. Sweet dreams.”

I thought that was just rude and didn’t reply. Why should we go back on forth on text when I had already explained how I feel many times before.

Five minutes later he calls.  I didn’t answer the phone and I will not answer if he calls again.  He did not leave a message. What is there to say?  It seems like game playing to me.  This man is 62 years old and is acting like some insecure 15 year old, or perhaps he thinks that he can talk me into fast forwarding this relationship.  Whatever he thinks he is doing it is not appealing to me.  Did he want me to keep telling him how nice he was?  Did he think that this type of text will make me want him more and I was going to try to change his mind?

I don’t have a time frame to go beyond kissing, but I will not invite anybody into my apartment until I am comfortable with that person.  If a date cannot accept and respect my feelings in regards to that then he is not for me.

No, I don’t think I am such a great prize, but this is my body and I want to treat it with respect.  Also, my apartment is my safe haven and not a place that is open to everyone.  At this point in my life I don’t want to jump into anything.  I want to go slow and steady and not crash and burn.

I don’t feel I owe any explanation to anyone. You are not happy with my way, then don’t stick around.  I am happy he chose to go now, rather than later.  It saved us both time.

oh well, Next!

(I don’t like using the f word, but Tupac put things so well, I am making an exception)
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.” ― Tupac Shakur